Check out some similar questions!

toohz · Oct 15, 2006, 09:29 PM

My fiancé and I have been trying to conceive for over 2.5 yrs and I feel that its putting such a huge strain on our relationship. We always bicker at each other and I feel like I can't keep doing this. How do I get back to thinking positive and building on our relationship to improve both of our wellbeing?? Sex is no longer fun and feels more like a chore than the intimacy that it is meant to be... Really need some help and some great websites regarding this would be greatly appreciated!!

Gangster1 · Oct 16, 2006, 12:07 AM

Have you try any medecine for sexual impotance?

talaniman · Oct 16, 2006, 05:28 AM

See a doctor and quite argueing about it. After2 and a half years something must be off. See a doctor and let him check you both.

J_9 · Oct 16, 2006, 05:32 AM

I agree, quit arguing about it. Heck you aren't even married yet and you're already arguing about a baby. Believe me, if you are arguing now, wait till the baby comes. It will get harder. He will walk out. You will be left alone to raise a child.

Why not wait for marriage? Why do people believe they have to have a baby before they get married? That is just beyond me.

ScottGem · Oct 16, 2006, 05:49 AM

It took my wife and I 6 years before we finally conceived. We went through a lot of different things during that time.

I am, however, concerned about two things here. First, You have obviously been together over 2.5 years. Why haven't you married? I'm not saying you have to, but it certainly makes more sense if you are planning a family. But if this is affecting your relationship, maybe having kids at this point is not the best idea. Second, what do your doctors say? You both should have been checked out by your respective physicians at this point. What have they recommended?

Finally, have you check out WebMD.com? Just search on infertility and you will find a wealth of info.

toohz · Oct 16, 2006, 06:37 PM

I'd just like to clear some things up...
The reason We aren't married is because currently we are living far away from family and it's too hard to plan a wedding and expect them to fly a long way so we are waiting till we are closer to them as we don't want to elope and we want to have a nice wedding with family and friends.
Second of all, it is not constant arguing about have a baby in general.. it is everything. The stress of not concieving is turning us both edgy and more easier to snap at each other..,. (we don't argue about who's fault it is that its not happening)
Third... We have been to numerous doctors and they say that there is nothing wrong and we should be able to have kids but I recently found out that I haven't been ovulating every month and I have only just started to (past 2 months) but then we have both been away from each other while I did ovulate in that 2 months.
Some advice for all of you... Don't JUDGE AND OFFER SUPPORT WHICH ONLY ONE OF YOU DID!!

ScottGem · Oct 16, 2006, 06:48 PM

Let me give you some additional advice. When you post a question on a site like this we can only judge from what you have told us. We are going to base our advice on that information. Based on that advice I think all the responses were reasonable. Instead of attacking those answers, try considering that they were given out of consideration for your problems and a desire to help with those problems.

Have you been seeing fertility specialists? Obviously some of the doctors were wrong since you have recently found out something is wrong.

toohz · Oct 16, 2006, 06:57 PM

In my first question it did not state that we were fighting about trying to conceive it stated that we were having problems with our relationship due to a lot of things that was just one of the reasons. I don't see why everyone has to be married before they try for kids. Not everyone is old fashioned!
No-one even mentioned anything about this question which was the question all the other stuff was a bit of back ground so I do think that some of responses were out of line!
How do I get back to thinking positive and building on our relationship to improve both of our wellbeing??

ScottGem · Oct 16, 2006, 07:19 PM

Originally Posted by toohz

My fiance and I have been trying to concieve for over 2.5 yrs and I feel that its putting such a huge strain on our relationship. we always bicker at each other and I feel like I can't keep doing this.

That certainly sounds like the inability to conceive is at least a major contributor if not the cause of your relationship issues. Sorry but I don't think any of the responses were out of line at all.

You ask "how do I get back to thinking positive and building on our relationship to improve both of our wellbeing???" Well one way would be to formalize your commitment to each other. I would be willing to bet that the lack of that formalization is a contributing factor to your tension. Subconsciously I suspect you feel that if you can't conceive will he still love you, will he still commit to you and vice versa. By formalizing your relationship you remove that doubt.

J_9 · Oct 17, 2006, 06:38 AM

Originally Posted by toohz

I'd just like to clear some things up...
The reason We aren't married is because currently we are living far away from family and it's too hard to plan a wedding and expect them to fly a long way so we are waiting till we are closer to them as we don't want to elope and we want to have a nice wedding with family and friends.
Second of all, it is not constant arguing about have a baby in general.. it is everything. The stress of not concieving is turning us both edgy and more easier to snap at each other..,. (we don't argue about who's fault it is that its not happening)
Third... We have been to numerous doctors and they say that there is nothing wrong and we should be able to have kids but I recently found out that I haven't been ovulating every month and I have only just started to (past 2 months) but then we have both been away from each other while I did ovulate in that 2 months.
Some advice for all of you... Don't JUDGE AND OFFER SUPPORT WHICH ONLY ONE OF YOU DID!!

I understand your dilemma about your impending marriage now, but you did not post that in the beginning. If you are looking for sound advice it is better to post all the info in the beginning.

Read this again and maybe you will see where we were coming from:

I feel that its putting such a huge strain on our relationship. We always bicker at each other and I feel like I can't keep doing this

So, we can only assume this is why you are fighting.

The reason we suggest marriage first, I don't know how many posts you have read, is that we hear almost every day about how "my ex and I had a baby and he left me, he doesn't pay child support, what do I do?"

It is so much easier for a man to walk out of a relationship with his girlfriend after they have had a baby than it is to walk out of a relationship when you are married. Sure it does happen, but it is harder and much more expensive.

Okay more about conceiving. Many women who are "trying" find it very hard to conceive. See stress factors into conception, believe it or not. This is why many women who "try" wait years for conception to happen, it took ScottGem and his wife 6 years, while teenagers who are out having fun get pregnant the first time. Just read some of the posts in the Teen section.

So our suggestion to get married was not out of line at all. Our reasons for suggesting you get married first are twofold. One - you will have that particular stressor out of your life making conception at least a little easier. And, two - It is easier to raise a child in a 2 parent household wherein it would be harder to split up once the child is born and you find yourself in a much more committed relationship than you already are.

talaniman · Oct 17, 2006, 01:35 PM

toohz-The quality of the answers you get depends on the information you give. There is no reason to get defensive when the advice is not what you want to hear. One fact you pointed out was your husband was not there to take advantage of your ovulation days so if I may ask is this a recurring problem and what kind of lifestyles do you and your husband lead that prevents him from being their at the right times?

J_9 · Oct 17, 2006, 02:02 PM

Ah, look again T. They are not even married.

talaniman · Oct 17, 2006, 02:47 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

Ah, look again T. They are not even married.

My objective is to garner enough info to have a clear picture. Them being married maybe a factor but I suspect something a little more profound than just the stress of having a child out of wedlock, hence my request for specific information.

J_9 · Oct 17, 2006, 02:49 PM

Yeah, I understand, but you are risking a red rep with this gal. Apparently we hit a nerve. I was the first lucky one to get it.

talaniman · Oct 17, 2006, 02:55 PM

I don't care about the reps just let things fall where they may , but I only come here to help and getting info is the way to see things in a clearer way. Thanks for the heads -up though but as you can see I get the red rep every now and then... the chances you take I guess

J_9 · Oct 17, 2006, 03:32 PM

I agree with you, I got a few the last few days. I believe it is because they did not hear what they wanted to hear.

I couldn't care less about the rep, just giving you the heads up.

rebecca3877 · Aug 10, 2007, 09:18 AM

Originally Posted by toohz

i'd just like to clear some things up....
The reason We aren't married is because currently we are living far away from family and it's too hard to plan a wedding and expect them to fly a long way so we are waiting till we are closer to them as we don't want to elope and we want to have a nice wedding with family and friends.
Second of all, it is not constant arguing about have a baby in general.. it is everything. the stress of not concieving is turning us both edgy and more easier to snap at each other..,. (we don't argue about who's fault it is that its not happening)
third... We have been to numerous doctors and they say that there is nothing wrong and we should be able to have kids but I recently found out that I haven't been ovulating every month and i have only just started to (past 2 months) but then we have both been away from each other while I did ovulate in that 2 months.
some advice for all of you..... DONT JUDGE AND OFFER SUPPORT WHICH ONLY ONE OF YOU DID!!!!

Hiya,I understand what you are going through,me and my partner have been trying to get pregnant for a year and a four months and it put a strain on our realationship and sex became no longer fun. And we kept bickering with each other and stuff like that.Luckily for me though I have just found out that I am pregnant,5 weeks. Have you looked at the ovulation calculators that are on the internet?they are quite good.I kept trying on the wrong days to begin with because I didn't work out my cycle length properly,but I think I did conceive around the time it said I was fertile,they give you about 5 days when they say your fertile and always best to try a few days before the dates as the sperm can survive inside you for a few days.hope this helps a bit? Good luck.

bevbighair · Aug 10, 2007, 10:38 AM

Originally Posted by toohz

My fiance and I have been trying to concieve for over 2.5 yrs and I feel that its putting such a huge strain on our relationship. we always bicker at each other and I feel like I can't keep doing this. how do I get back to thinking positive and building on our relationship to improve both of our wellbeing??? sex is no longer fun and feels more like a chore than the intimacy that it is meant to be.... Really need some help and some great websites regarding this would be greatly appreciated!!!!

We are in the same boat, started period today and cried and cried all our friends have babies. I have started acupunture and refexology. They seem to relax me and are surposed to help,