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madb · Jul 3, 2009, 10:52 AM

So we have a mutual friend that is both one of our best friend and last night my ex and her went and hungout. She told her she said she really misses me badly but needs to be independent and live life single for a bit but not in relationships just herself. What does that mean? Later last night she texted me asking how I've been doing and I told her what I've been doing. Then I asked if she wanted to relax and have a good time sometime and she said sounds good! What do I think?

I know this is good for both of us. She has become waay to dependent of me and maybe this is her way of breaking loose for awhile and getting control to herself? I think she will come back but if she doesn't then at least I left her a better person...

talaniman · Jul 3, 2009, 11:42 AM

needs to be independent and live life single for a bit but not in relationships just herself. What does that mean?

It means she wants the freedom to explore other options, and opportunities, with someone else besides you.

Then I asked if she wanted to relax and have a good time sometime and she said sounds good! What do I think?

Friendly stuff with no romance, is what she was agreeing to, you know to relax and enjoy, like you did before, but without any attachments, obligations, or commitment, other than friends, even if you get a hug, or kiss.

You let me know how that "hang out buddy" stuff works out for you.

bswc · Jul 3, 2009, 10:09 PM

Dude, the way things are happening to you is just similar to mine. Broke up without preparation, with your girl saying

She needs space
She can't be in a relationship
She says like you 2 are real good friends after the break up
She would contact you soon cause she misses you but DON'T WANT TO BE WITH U
She has a new *friend
She needs a single life
She needs to focus on whatever in her life

Well, from my point of view she might be confused. Stop contacting and one day she'll ask you out. If u touched the topic between u 2, she's going to say something different that confuses you and gives you false hope. See how it goes :)

This girl is all lovely, likes u, need u, but doesn't wan to be with u

Learn over the mistakes you did over the relationship, is it you or is it her?

lagalagallama · Jul 3, 2009, 10:32 PM

Yea I am in a similar situation, my girl broke up with me about 2 months ago, and I get texts fairly often saying I miss you and love you and hate sleeping alone. Then I go after her and try to hang out and she backs off and ignores me for a few days. You need to back off and let her have that space. If there is another guy then there is another guy, its not the end of the world. Most likely if there is one it is just her experimenting and is a rebound, 90% of them don't work out and sometimes it gets you back together more quickly. You need to act like you don't care if she does, make her think you have moved on. Don't go out of your way to make her jealous, but act kind of distant and always like you are doing something. Make her feel like she is losing you, and she will come back.

madb · Jul 3, 2009, 11:30 PM

Thanks for the advice^^^^^

I'll keep it updated. Part of me says f this ho and the other part of me wants her in my life :(

madb · Jul 3, 2009, 11:32 PM

Originally Posted by bswc

Dude, the way things are happening to u is just similar to mine. Broke up without preparation, with ur girl saying

She needs space
She can't be in a relationship
She says like you 2 are real good friends after the break up
She would contact u soon cause she misses u but DON'T WANT TO BE WITH U
She has a new *friend
She needs a single life
She needs to focus on whatever in her life

Well, from my point of view she might be confused. Stop contacting and one day she'll ask u out. If u touched the topic between u 2, she's going to say something different that confuses u and gives u false hope. See how it goes :)

This girl is all lovely, likes u, need u, but doesn't wan to be with u

Learn over the mistakes u did over the relationship, is it u or is it her?

It was both of us. Ended up getting sick of each other because we spent so much time together and went on trips with family all the time, she was with me every second. Kind of smothered each other in a way.

PeruvianBlaze · Jul 4, 2009, 12:39 AM

Originally Posted by madb

Thanks for the advice^^^^^

I'll keep it updated. Part of me says f this ho and the other part of me wants her in my life :(

My ex broke up without any preparation as well. For your well being you are just going to have to say "f this ho". You can't change her mind and this way you can heal.

madb · Jul 11, 2009, 06:39 PM

She texted me Sunday asking how I've been. Then I asked her if she wanted to go to dinner and she said she already ate. I texted her on Thursday and asked how she was and asked if she wanted to go to the movies and she said she had work the next day. I'm done with this girl, waste of time. But I saw the guy she was talking to at the gym and about got roid rage and smashed him up, but held back cause I knew it would make matters worst...

bswc · Jul 11, 2009, 06:50 PM

Hey brother, hang in there! Your feelings are dragging u around like a monster in rage. Do u want to be a monster? U said u're done with her but u came up with all the hey do u want to go out with me? Want to have a talk? How are u? ALL THE CRAP THAT WILL MAKE U FEEL GOOD AND GATHER ALL THE TRASH FEELING LATER.

jimseekinadvice · Jul 11, 2009, 07:07 PM

My ex told me space etc.. being to dependent on each other.. she contacted me and wanted to hang out.. missed me love me but doesn't want to be with me.. same story.. I highly suggest you don't see her... it will give you false hope.. you need to cut her out.. I know its hard.. I had to tell my ex I couldn't handle her contacting me because it kept giving me false hope because I didn't have it in me to just ignore.. and told her I needed no contact to move on and may be in the future we can then be friends when I'm ready. I know the hardest part is letting go, and the feeling of, how can she do this? And how can she not give me a second chance? But the fact is, you have to deal with the cards given to you. Work out, hang out with friends, do things YOU enjoy, live life without her. Find a way to be happy with just yourself and not NEED her. Its taken me almost 3 months (screwed up at the beg of course, had a few relapses). Started with LC. Tried to win her back a few times, tried to change for her and not for me. But in the end.. the best thing to do was NC and change for yourself.. though I did use changing for her as motivation, till I could accept finally changing for just myself. In the end, what really helped, is I tell myself repeatedly if you truly love them let them go because you want them to be happy, even if it isn't with you. That is the true test of love. The break up can be a positive too from what you learn from the growth and experience. And your next relationship will be that much better, with or without her.

Homegirl 50 · Jul 11, 2009, 07:12 PM

Originally Posted by madb

Thanks for the advice^^^^^

I'll keep it updated. Part of me says f this ho and the other part of me wants her in my life :(

I don't think she is a hoe, you need to get a clue. You ask her out she says "I'm busy". What is it you don't get.
You need to face the fact that she does not want to be with you.

madb · Jul 12, 2009, 10:47 PM

I know.. I know... I think it just hurts when you get mixed signals you know what I mean?

talaniman · Jul 13, 2009, 05:04 AM

Most times when we get dumped, we see things that gives us hope, because if she is nice to us as a friend would be, we think we are going to get them back. When they resist its easy to think the signals are mixed, but its us who are not reading her signals right. How can we, when we are still full of hope, and feelings? That's why you cut the contact, as its hard to believe she won't change her mind, when she acts friendly, but cuts you off at the knees, when you press for what you had back.

jmooney527 · Jul 13, 2009, 05:30 AM

Usually when they break up and want to be "friends", it's an easy way out for them... this way they still have a level of comfort that they did during the relationship. And since you are always around to be there for them, it's exactly what they need. She didn't REALLY want to be friends with you, she's just being selfish and wants to string you along until she's comfortable without you. But you shouldn't focus on HER.

You almost need to think of this in a selfish manner. She broke things off, she's seeing another guy already, she's playing this push/pull game of "hanging out". What about you? She is showing that she has no respect for your well being or feelings and she's only thinking of herself and her own well being... so don't sit there for another minute waiting around for a person like that to come back.

Look I know breakups suck... we've all been there. But you need to constantly remind yourself that it is not about her anymore and it's about you. Do you really want to be with someone who does stuff like this to you? You are young and you have your whole future ahead of you, why waste it with someone who obviously doesn't give a damn about you?

Good luck!

madb · Jul 13, 2009, 05:50 PM

I think you're right^

That's why each time we talk a little longer goes by until the next time we speak. Eventually she will prob, be gone :(

Sad but true/honest.

Homegirl 50 · Jul 13, 2009, 05:56 PM

I don't think she is as bad as this guy says she is. You don't have to demonize the girl because she wants to be with someone else.
Your talks will get fewer and farther in between but I don't think she is being selfish. I think she genuinely cares for you but just does not want to be with you.
Dogging her out is tacky. Don't stoop to that level. You are too nice a guy.

briancp34 · Jul 13, 2009, 06:28 PM

That's right. In a couple to 3 months, she'll be gone dragging you along all the time. The best thing for you to do is to just cut everything off with her immediately. It's best for you and she suck up a little of that pain that comes from a break up too.

Good luck buddy. There's someone out there that won't do this to you. You just have to get past your high school catch and move on to the one that's ready for a more mature relationship. Just don't let high school catch drag you through the gutter. It will leave heavier marks at your age.

So again I say, good luck and more power to you.

Torrid13 · Jul 13, 2009, 07:25 PM

She's playing your emotions like a violin. She says she wants to be best friends because if you accept that, she won't have to feel bad about breaking your heart to smithereens.

Forget her. She's just wanting to string you along, having all the benefits of having you around without having the commitment. RUUUN AWWAAAYYY!

madb · Jul 13, 2009, 11:36 PM

At the gym tonight I ran into the guy. I'm pretty pissed off almost beat his . But if there is any hope in us getting back together then it's time to stop acting like a highschooler and move on and not worry about this weakling. Thanks for everyone's help and all the advice you have all giving me, I really appreciate it.I think I got it all together now. I'll be OK and I will post back every now and then :)

Homegirl 50 · Jul 14, 2009, 06:07 AM

Yeah fighting the guy is juvenile. But you are young!
Get your mind off her. Are you going to college? You may have too much time on your hands at this point.