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kelly10jonson · Jun 30, 2009, 06:07 AM

Edited for some really bad spelling, any one else have spell check??

Hello everyone, well I have just found out my boyfriend has cheated on me ( kissed another girl at a nightclub ) , I found this out because I went on his Facebook account and the girl herself told me as she thought it was my boyfriend she was talking to!. he has been texting her after a night out bla bla.. he denies it still every time I ask him he gets mad and says if you don't believe me don't be with me, but I know he kissed her, but I love him so much I just can't let go or leave him, were going on holiday next month abroad, its at such a bad time , I'm torn apart,and I'm only young but he is my life even though he's sly I can't help but run back to him. I've heard rumors he's cheated before but I just can't leave him. I don't know what to do... WHY won't he admit it to me when I have the evidence,WHY is he still lying? We have bin together a year and a half I really thought he loves me , he says he does,but why cheat?

HELPP!!

I'm so confused everyone says leave him,but I can't I love him so much its making me mad:| I don't sleep or eat and I'm so down. But when I'm with him I'm happy but I keep thinking god you've cheated then it brings me down again!

Any advice...

X

ZoeMarie · Jun 30, 2009, 06:13 AM

He said it himself, if you don't believe him then leave him. In my opinion that's what it's time to do. Of course it's easier said than done but why would you want to be with someone who cheated on you and instead of trying to make it right he's lying to you? Get rid of this loser.

kctiger · Jun 30, 2009, 06:18 AM

Originally Posted by kelly10jonson

he is my life even tho hes sly i can't help but run back to him.

any advice.....

Time to get a new life, that makes you happy, without someone who isn't trustworthy at your side. Time to rebuild, time to define yourself and time to grow up. The time is NOW!

Good luck!

I wish · Jun 30, 2009, 06:22 AM

Please use spell check with proper English

Originally Posted by kelly10jonson

he deneys it still everytime i ask him he gets mad and says if u dont belive me dont be with me

He's right, if you don't believe him, don't be with him. Simple as that.

Originally Posted by kelly10jonson

WHY wont he admit it to me when i have the evidence,WHY is he still lieing?

Because admitting it would make him the bad guy. Why would he want to be the bad guy?

Originally Posted by kelly10jonson

We have bin 2gever a year and a half i really thort he loves me , he says he does,but why cheat?

He doesn't really love you as much as you think.

Originally Posted by kelly10jonson

im so confussed every1 says leave him

Everyone is right.

If you don't trust him, then there's no relationship. If you stay with him, your relationship will just be a lie. Make a clean break so that you can stop your pain and suffering. You deserve better than this.

nikosmom · Jun 30, 2009, 06:27 AM

And what exactly is it that you're holding on to? You said he's sly. He kissed another girl at a club. He's texting her. You're sure he's cheated before.

This isn't love. This is obsession. Not healthy. Loving someone doesn't make you crazy. It doesn't have you checking a Facebook account searching for clues. There is no trust here.

Don't be in a relationship with someone that brings out this side of you. And certainly don't stay with someone for the sake of an upcoming vacay.

ZoeMarie · Jun 30, 2009, 06:29 AM

Originally Posted by nikosmom

And certainly don't stay with someone for the sake of an upcoming vacay.

Another good point that I forgot to mention!

talaniman · Jun 30, 2009, 06:57 AM

I think your paying to high a price just to have someone. Love shouldn't be that hard. Ever think your more into him than he is to you.

Come on you can do better with less heartache.

nikosmom · Jun 30, 2009, 07:02 AM

Tal, your siggy line speaks volumes here:

Having a relationship should be a bonus to your life and should not be the only reason to be happy.

liz28 · Jun 30, 2009, 07:09 AM

So your staying with someone because you can't leave because you love him so much. Do you know how many times I heard this?

He kissed another girl then talked to her via text. He cheated on you in the past--come on. You can't get upset with him because you allowed yourself to be treated this way.

His past behavior will be his future behavior. He will always denied and get defensive when you ask him about his evil ways but again you allow it.

So since you stated you can't leave have fun with this guy who cheats on you time after time. There will be another girl and he will bring you a lot of grief and misery. However, you can always do the smart thing by leaving after all this is why you have feet.

kelly10jonson · Jun 30, 2009, 07:28 AM

As well he is really secretive with his phone which I c y now seems as he's texting other girls. But I don't understand why he can't tell me , why dus he wna stay wif me and cheat? Surely if he didn't like me he would end it?. I know it sounds stupid that I can't walk away because I love him so much but it's the true I don't know why I can't let go , I'm so confussed , why does he choose to stay when he wants to cheat?

kctiger · Jun 30, 2009, 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by kelly10jonson

aswell he is really secretive with his phone which i c y now seems as hes texting other girls. but i dont understand why he can't tell me , why dus he wna stay wif me and cheat? surely if he didnt like me he would end it ? .. i know it sounds stupid that i can't walk away becuase i love him so much but its the true i dont know why i can't let go , im so confussed , why does he choose to stay when he wants to cheat?

Because you let him get away with it. Why throw you away when you clearly let him do whatever he wants? Sounds like an easy situation for him.

57373 · Jun 30, 2009, 07:41 AM

Would you do this to him?

If you answer no,then why are you with someone who would?

The thing about love is,it's give and take,never expect more then you can give.

Therefore find someone who won't cheat behind your back,yeah we're all jaded here,but some of us know when it's time to walk away,because as you said,it starts to make you physically sick (been there) can't sleep,eat,parinoid etc

It cycles to emotional abuse,just by keeping this person around.

It is very very very hard to walk away from,but I can tell you one thing,he does not love you,never did either.

Love under NO circumstances,cheats,hurts,and lies.

And if he pulls the 'let's be friends' do you honestly want to be friends with someone with morals like this?

kelly10jonson · Jun 30, 2009, 07:42 AM

I guess so . And I know everyone will think I'm stupid but I do love him ! When I therten to finnish it he really seems he doesn't care , maybe he's playing the big boy act , I don't know?. nothings changed between us though I thort everything was well until I found out he dun this!! :(

kelly10jonson · Jun 30, 2009, 07:44 AM

I totally understand what you guys are saying. But if he didn't love me why would he stay with me that's what is so hard to believe?. I even have dreams / nightmares about his cheating and yet when I try and tell him I'm not happy he just says don't b depressed all the time ! I know I know and I really do know I should leave but is it silly that I can't because he does make me happy when there's no rumors or no one saying things and its just us 2 ?

nikosmom · Jun 30, 2009, 07:50 AM

Originally Posted by kelly10jonson

i guess so . and i know everyone will think im stupid but i do love him ! when i therten to finnish it he really seems he doesnt care , maybe hes playing the big boy act , i dont know ?? .. nothings changed between us though i thort everything was well until i found out he dun this !!! :(

You thought everything was well? How so? You said you were already suspicious of his cheating and you'd heard rumors so it was already in your head before this even happened. And my speculation is this wasn't the first time you'd checked his Facebook page.

You threatened to leave and he seemed like he didn't care. There's your answer. He doesn't.

Plus he knows you're making idle threats so he has no incentive to straighten up.

It's just my 2 cents. I suggest taking it and buying a bus token away from this guy.

57373 · Jun 30, 2009, 07:52 AM

He stays with you either because

1)he's using you for sex
2)you are his 'if these other girls don't work out she's always here for me'
3)ego boost because he has low self esteem,and you make him feel bigger every time you cry.

Trust me I know these types of guys.

And you might say 'if I walk away well... then will he care'

The answer is no,these type of guys never care because it's not 'macho' shows 'weakness' and the third reason is because they already have chicks on the side

That is actually why they start to get chicks on the side WHILE your dating... so if you guys break up... he's on top.

liz28 · Jun 30, 2009, 07:53 AM

He stay because he got a fool who puts up with his behavior, so why leave? I wouldn't put up with this--no way.

You think this is love but it isn't. Maybe one day you will wake up but today doesn't seem like the day.

kelly10jonson · Jun 30, 2009, 07:56 AM

I know but its differnet if you knew him, why would he buy me everything , spend all his time with me, (accept for when he goes to the pub ) see I just don't understand, I want him to just stop it , I want to just be good enough for him ! :(

57373 · Jun 30, 2009, 08:01 AM

By the way the only way to get back at a guy or even a girl who is acting like your boyfriend does (typical player)

Is to walk away and 100% NO CONTACT.
And you have to MEAN you don't care.

By that I mean,no hateful letters (he will get an ego boost and a laugh from those)

No "i miss you" texts/emails/or calls

^ I can promise you his response will be something short like "ya ok sure g2g"

No walking in front of him at school/work with some new guy or anything to make him "jealous"

^ Guys like this can see right through that,and in a way you're still giving him attention

Act like he's dead,and if he comes around apologizing,finally for once in your life you have control.

And if he doesn't come around.

You still have control by not kissing his a** for forgiveness or starting to beg for answers.

nikosmom · Jun 30, 2009, 08:02 AM

Originally Posted by kelly10jonson

i know but its differnet if you knew him, why would he buy me everything , spend all his time with me, (accept for when he goes to the pub ) see i just dont understand, i want him to just stop it , i want to just be good enough for him ! :(

Gifts do not make it a great relationship. That's the job of TRUST.