[blueiman]

I had a great evening last Tuesday. We talked and talked. We had great conversation and we both felt connected. Great evening. Once the evening was over she invited me over for dinner at her place the next day. The next day we exchanged emails. Everything was great. I was very busy at work and felt stressed out at the end of the work day. Tough day at the job. When I showed up for dinner again everything was fine. We put out dinner together and while I was making a plate I was talking to her about my busy day. I talked for maybe 5 minutes. Then, she said OK! OK! Which means enough already. I was stunned. Like a deer in lights. Of course I ask what do you mean OK OK... she said, enough about your job. I'm not interested and its boring to me. So, basically I said, wait a min I just wanted to share my day a bit. And basically the fight started. She then said, after you are done eating you can leave. Of course I told her I lost my apatite and said good night and left. She looked upset. And I felt like crap. Later the next day she sent me an email saying stuff about how I am, I'm to sensitive, I like to start fights, I make a big deal about nothing, etc. so I replied with the you know what a min. long story short she called me that night told me oh I would have called sooner but my girlfriend was over to pick up a plant. (not sure why she had to tell me that). Anyway she wants a break. I asked how long she said, I don't know. So, I said well figure it out before we hang up. She said till Sunday. So basically I'm not calling her. She is only calling me when she wants to talk. And I told her if she does not call Sunday then its over. And told her this is goodbye and the ball is in your court.
A couple of things I see in this is I get the feeling she has plans for the weekend and she started a fight so she could go without telling me what her plans are. And second, why is she making a big deal about having a break... any ideas on what is going on here? Thanks

[dancingtwins]

#1 you don't want to be with anyone you can't share your day with because that is part of a relationship.
#2 in my opinion- she has other plans for the weekend and didn't want to include you

I say tell her good bye now and go find someone who will appreciate you

[Wildcat21]

Oh no!

Leave her alone!!
I am quite sure you did bore her.

It's over dude. Why on earth do you keep getting in fights?

I hope to hell this isn't the same gal.

And dude - I really hope you're in professional counseling - seriously. You really would benefit from this.

You're DONE with this gal. I hope it isn't the same gal.

It's break because it's broken and she isn't coming back!

[blueiman]

#1 you don't want to be with anyone you can't share your day with because that is part of a relationship.
#2 in my opinion- she has other plans for the weekend and didn't want to include you

I say tell her good bye now and go find someone who will appreciate you

#1 I agree. And I don't understand why she kind of cut me off when I was just about done anyway talking about what happened at work. I felt terrible when she said, OK! OK! I did not know what to think. It was like she was saying enough about your job. She said its boring and I don't care about your job. Something like that anyway. So we argued a bit and she tossed at me. All you want to do is fight. And I'm thinking no you do. So she tells me to go home after I eat. I lost my apatite.
#2 I don't think she had plans when we where together at the time. I''m just puzzle at what the... happened. I felt like crap so I sayed I'm leave goodnight.

Oh no!

Leave her alone!!!
I am quite sure you did bore her.

It's over dude. Why on earth do you keep getting in fights?

I hope to hell this isn't the same gal.

And dude - I really hope you're in professional counseling - seriously. You really would benefit from this.

You're DONE with this gal. I hope it isn't the same gal.

It's break because it's broken and she isn't coming back!

What did you mean by quite sure I bore her?
I am not sure why I keep getting in fights. I don't want to fight. I guess when she says something like OK OK. A switch goes off and I feel that she is being mean.
Yes this is the same girl. I know but we have been trying to work through stuff and for a while things are good up to this point.
I do plan to get some professional help I agree it would benefit me. Thanks
Wildcat, when you say done with this girl. Are you saying because of the way she treats me or do you think it just me in general. What do you think?

At this point yesterday evening we talked and seem to argue a bit on who is right who is wrong, etc. I'm confused. Why we keep tearing into each other. Help

It is a control issue...she does not want to be controlled...when she gets back she will tell you here problems...so be prepare...

Be prepared for what she will tell me... not sure what you mean. Can you be more specific?

What I don't understand is. Thursday evening I told her I think we should get together and talk about what is going on with the relationship. I felt it would be best to stop arguing and talk about what is going on with her and me. But, rather than agree she said she made her own plans for the weekend so no she can't see me after work Friday. Not Saturday but she said she would call me Sunday.
I don't understand why her last min plans are more important than working on the relationship. Is she just running away from the relatinship. Why is it nessesary to talk a break? What does a break mean for a couple of days?

[LUNAGODDESS]

It is a control issue... she does not want to be controlled... when she gets back she will tell you here problems... so be prepare...

[Wildcat21]

Dude - don't come here any more - we'[ve tried to help you forever and a day and you DON'T GET ANY OF THIS.

PLEASE - for the love of god and our sanity - go seek PROFESSIONAL HELP! SSeriously. I am not being mean. But, you take every little thing in life way too much.

[blueiman]

I'm having a bad day. I'm not seeing my girlfriend. I don't have plans this weekend. Except I had to work today till 230pm. I have to work tomorrow Sunday from 6a-12noon. Right now life is hard today. I'm trying to keep busy. I called my family and I can't get ahold of anyone. Except my sister. She is out to dinner and I feel terrible that after talking to her yesterday she did not invite me. Everyone has something to do. Including my girlfriend. My girlfriend called me about 2pm on my mobile so I did not get it while at work. She left a message basically saying, hi I thought you would be out of work at 2p, well anyway I have plans later so I will call you tomorrow. Now I'm thinking what plans? And what did she do Friday night? Anyway I just had to vent here. I feel alone right now. I can't stay out late because I have to get up so early. I have nothing to do to keep busy and that is just driving me nuts. Any suggestions on what I can do to get through this? Has anyone feel this way?

I'm getting more upset. I'm alone and for some reason I'm feeling like where is everyone. I feel like crap. I don't like to be alone and this is not fun. I feel like I have to leave the house and just go somewhere. Anything but stay here. Why am I feeling this way. I never break down like this. I feel to overly anxious. I'm have a tough time relaxing. Any suggestions please...

[s_cianci]

Yes, she may have started the fight so she could do her weekend thing without telling you. Of course, why she'd have to hide it from you in the first place doesn't make much sense. I think that maybe you've don a little too much with her too fast so starting the argument was her way of initiating the break. I'd leave her alone for now. After all, do you really want a relationship with someone who won't even let you talk to them about your job? Give her the space she needs and pursue other activities, without her.

[blueiman]

Yes, she may have started the fight so she could do her weekend thing without telling you. Of course, why she'd have to hide it from you in the first place doesn't make much sense. I think that maybe you've don a little too much with her too fast so starting the argument was her way of initiating the break. I'd leave her alone for now. After all, do you really want a relationship with someone who won't even let you talk to them about your job? Give her the space she needs and pursue other activities, without her.

Thanks, I agree with you very good point. I will give her the space. I will make plans and not wait for her. I will go on with my life and not think about it no more. If she does call me Sunday I will not answer the phone. I'm busy. Monday if she emails me I will not read them. I will delete them. And maybe if I answer the phone if she calls me later I will say I was busy. Went out with friends. And I will not ask her never what she did over the weekend because I don't care. If she asks me what I did I will only tell her I was busy doing stuff and going out with my friends. I think its time to play her game she is playing with me. And she is controlling me and I need to not let her do that.
Am I on the right track?

[blueiman]

Dude - don't come here any more - we'[ve tried to help you forever and a day and you DON'T GET ANY OF THIS.

PLEASE - for the love of god and our sanity - go seek PROFESSIONAL HELP! SSeriously. I am not being mean. But, you take every little thing in life way too much.

Dude don't tell me what to do. You are not the boss of me so go away and help someone else. Unless you have something to say about the post. Give your opinion and help if you can. But, don't tell me where to go. I have every right to post hear. I thought this was a ask me help desk. Don't you agree wildcat?

[s_cianci]

thanks, i agree with you very good point. i will give her the space. i will make plans and not wait for her. i will go on with my life and not think about it no more. if she does call me sunday i will not answer the phone. im busy. monday if she emails me i will not read them. i will delete them. and maybe if i answer the phone if she calls me later i will say i was busy. went out with friends. and i will not ask her never what she did over the weekend because i dont care. if she asks me what i did i wil only tell her i was busy doing stuff and going out with my friends. i think its time to play her game she is playing with me. and she is controlling me and i need to not let her do that.
am i on the right track?

Yes, you are on the right track. It's not even a case of "playing her game that she is playing with you", like an eye-for-eye kind of thing. It's just a matter of, as you say, being busy and doing things with your friends. You don't need to ask or worry about what she's been doing and if she asks you, then tell her exactly that ; that you're busy and hanging out with your friends. Even if it's not true, fake it, but then get involved in things and get yourself a life so you won't have to fake it any more.

[Wildcat21]

Same girl. Creepy!

[blueiman]

Yes, you are on the right track. It's not even a case of "playing her game that she is playing with you", like an eye-for-eye kind of thing. It's just a matter of, as you say, being busy and doing things with your friends. You don't need to ask or worry about what she's been doing and if she asks you, then tell her exactly that ; that you're busy and hanging out with your friends. Even if it's not true, fake it, but then get involved in things and get yourself a life so you won't have to fake it any more.

S cianci, here is what happened. First off I have taken on a different attitude. A more healthy one. I ended up being very busy Sunday and Monday. I did not take calls from her nor did I listen to them. During Sunday and Monday she called me about 8-10 times. Later Monday evening after work I was very busy getting stuff done . Of course she called me again but I did not call her back until I was done. When I did call her back boy she was upset to say the least. She want to know where was I, who was I with, on and on. I just said, busy all day, out with friends. She said, she did not believe me. Basically called me a liar. I told her nope not a liar. I just talk like nothing was wrong. She was going nuts and told me fine we can be friends. And I said , OK. End of conversation.
Of course the next day she emailed me and I told her I'm busy and if she wanted to talk it would be after work. Later that evening of course she called me. She asked me if I'm sticking to my story why I did not call her back Sunday and Monday because I was to busy? I said, yup. She called me a liar. And I told her I'm not a liar. She said, fine its over. And I laughed and said, its not over yesterday you told me we are friends. Anyway she got mad and hung up on me and I was fine with that. She was so out of control. But, she had no control over me and I think that was driving her nuts.
Am I still on the right track?

[Skell]

No your not on the right track.
You should have ditched her months ago. You'll never get off the wrong track though because you don't want to.

[blueiman]

No your not on the right track.
You should have ditched her months ago. Youll never get off the wrong track though because you dont want to.

Skell, I'm trying to get on the right track. Yes, I should have done a lot of things months ago. I can't go back. I'm working on my problem now.
To date I have not called her. What is strange thow is she told me via email that she is going to pack my stuff and drop it off Friday at my place. Today she sent me an email letting me know she wants things to be cordial between us and try to remain friends if that is at all possible? Let me think about that a min... not! No, not after what she put me through.
I don't think its possible to be friends because she is not much of a friend now...

Let me ask you this. Is she still trying to stay in control when she says, I would like things to remain cordial and be friends if that is at all possible...
So my thought is no way not after the stuff you said to me and treated me.
What is the best way to handle this. Should I just cont to egnore her. Or, is it best to just say hey look I would like you to just leave me alone...

Sunday night she left a final message on my voice mail. She was upset that she called me and I did not call her back. She told me in the message she would never do that to me. And that I am inmature because I did not call her back. And that I must not feel it was important to talk to her.
I have to ask here. Did I do anything wrong here?

OK OK I get it its over now. I'm moving on with my life without her. Thanks for sticking it out with me. Now, I just need to get thur this myself. That is where I'm at now. This is the low point now and it is awful to be here alone. I will be onest I want her back. And I don't know why. I know you say you should have gotten out months ago. But, I can't help but to feel I need her back in my life. And I don't know why I feel this way.

I could not sleep last night. Very difficult. Eventually I did. Today I feel like crap. I can't stop thinking about this relationship being over. Its making me very anxious just knowing its over. We spent 2 years together. Where did the time go. I can't believe its over.

[Wildcat21]

Dude - I am serious - are seeing a counselour? I think you may suffer from depression and need this gal for excitement. Please, seek help - I am not kidding. Read over all you posts here. Please go see a couselour today. You're agonizing over an abusive women who controlled you. You keep going back for more punishment.

[valinors_sorrow]

Ever talk to an addict that doesn't want help, can't break out of the denial? They say they want help, plead fiercely for something to change and yet they take no action toward that end, even resort to defeating anything helpful that comes their way?

I believe there is little difference here. With all due respect, there needs to be a bottom and those who would interfere with it being reached actually do the person no favors. Until the bottom is reached and some genuine reckoning is made, its just another day of the never-ending craziness. I have no doubt that suffering occurs, however its largely self inflicted, which is the craziest kind of all.

[blueiman]

I see more now what she has done to me, what I have allowed her to do to me and what I have done to myself. I plan to go to counsling this week. Hopefully I can get through this so that I can cont with my life.

She called me today and told me she was to busy to drop off my stuff while I was away. She asked me to pu my stuff after work on my way home. I said OK that's fine. So, now I have to pu my stuff from her place. I get the feeling she is not finished with me yet. What do you think? Any suggestions on how to handle myself when I get there?

I feel good because I don't have to put up with any more of her crap. I feel terrible because I think I could have done something to have prevented this break up.
I went to her place to pu my stuff. When she opened the door I wanted to hold her. She looked great. Have not see her for 2 weeks. She lead me to where my stuff was. It was folded in a bag. And she handed me my other good clothes on the hangers. This is all of you stuff she said. She was just stairing into my eyes. Like she felt the pain of its over. I stared back looking deep into her eyes looking for something that I remember. Does she still love me. Does she hate me. I looked and I could not read into her. She looked sad as thow she was going to cry and she looked like she felt pissed at me. All at the same time. And then all she said was, I'm sorry it did not work out with us. Again, she stood tall and with no emotion at all. She looked and acted like she did not know me. That person that I thought loved me and I loved her for 2 years. She was gone. Just simply gone. I asked for a moment of some small talk and she sayed why... I agreed but feel maybe there was still something there but I knew then that there was nothing... I said, OK and began to walk to the door. And again she said nothing. I feel the need to say something. So, I said lets remain friends and feel free to call me or I will call you sometime. She again cont to look deep into my eyes and said OK. Please leave now before I start to cry... so I said, OK goodbye... and that was that.
I talked to my family and they where relieve that we broke up. I asked why and they told me she was not good enough for you. Period. You are a great guy and she was a terrible person and did things to you that you do not deserve. My family was very happy for me. But, I felt like crap. Then later when I unpacked at the bottom of the bag she left me a picture she keep near her bed of the two of us when we first meet. I just felt hurt again. Why did she do that I asked myself. Why would she give me this most important piece of our happiest moment. I just felt like crap. Like it meant nothing to her.
I plan to mail all the pictures and cards she ever gave me back to her first thing tomorrow morning. As far as I'm concered she can have them. I'm so upset for what she did to me in the last couple of weeks.

[Horsechic28681]

Im going through the same thing, just I'm a chic and you're a guy. My fiancé wanted to take a break to find himself because well I'm young and so is he I'm 16 and he is 22 and we have been together for 2 years and a months and engaged for 4 months... and he is at that age to where he wants to have a beer with his buddies and I can't do that.. and I didn't want him drinking because I know people get abusive... and he drank on occasions before we got together... but he just needs time to realize if that's what he wants.. or if I'm what he wants.. my mom and grandmaw and my mom's friend just tells me to leave him along... let him get out there and realize that he wants me... they tell me to have fun and if god wants me and him to work things out, then they will work out rather I'm trying or not... Maybe you need to just leave her alone, don't call her... and just have some fun... let her come after you.. if she is the one with the "problem" then when she realizes that she wants you.. she will come back.. but until then there is nothing you can do.. I wouldn't give my hopes up.. but I wouldn't expect her to come back either... what I have done is.. I tell myself "Well, there is a possibility that he will come back, but there is also a possibility that he wont....if a couple weeks down the road he comes back because he realizes what he wants then he comes back if not then, i would have moved on." the more you tell yourself there most likely not coming back.. the easier it will be to move on.. then if they prove you wrong then.. well they prove you wrong... good luck.. im hoping things work with me and my fiancé also.. we have been broke up since the 11th of October and its REALLY hard... but sometimes guys and girls don't know what they want.. and it takes space and time to realize if they care enough to come back... and sometimes it take a relationship with the opposite sex to find if there feelings are true.. if they get in another relationship and set there one day saying "What am i doing? where is (you name) in this picture." then they will most likely come back... but if they see you in the picture.. and your not there... there going to do everything they can to get you in the picture... just have fun, and let god take it over... pray that he shows you peace in it.. and protect her... and you and I hope things work out for the better.. in the end it will be best... and if it don't work out now.. then maybe a couple months down the road you will meet up... you never know.. good luck

[blueiman]

She thinks the world revolves around her. She has her ups and downs. She likes to test me just like what others have told me here. If she is in control or in other words if she is drinking too much she thinks she is in control. But, when she stops drinking I think she feels out of control so she tries to control me. And when she says something to hurt me she feels good I think. Then after a small fight I come back she feels better again. So, I think its like a circle of abuse. She pushes me away and feels good about it. Then, she waits for me to come back to her and when I do she likes that so she feels good again. But, later she starts the cycle all over again. I'm not her wipping post no more. This last round was the end. I stood up for myself and I think she did not know what to do... she was probably thinking who is this guy... she could not control me so she ended it. I think she was like I will show him who is boss... she has more problems than I realized.
When you are in a relationship you don't take a time out... you talk about what is going on and communicate. Work it out. She just takes a break... how can you work on the relationship if the other person takes a break? You can't until they decide to come back and talk about it. I believe you should not have to tell your partner you need a break and I will contact you when I feel like it. How inmature is that...

She took a 3 day break and cut off all communication with me. Then, when I don't return her call on Sunday because I was busy. She tells me how inmature I'm that I can't return a call. She says we can't have a relationship if I cut off the communication. :confused:
Couple days after she want to be cordual and be friends. Then the next day she breaks up with me. :confused:
Today I mail her all the cards she gave me for the past 2 years and of course the picture she placed at the bottom of my stuff she gave back to me.