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Kagan88 · Jun 25, 2009, 02:15 PM

So after talking to many friends and also having my own opinion I thought I would ask all of you if you thought a strong "emotional" connection was really cheating... and if it is what makes it cheating if there is never anything physical between the two?

jenniepepsi · Jun 25, 2009, 02:17 PM

I cannot give a straight complete answer. It can go both ways and it depends entirely on the people involved

jolienoire · Jun 25, 2009, 02:20 PM

I mean it depends on how each person defines cheating.

I do believe a person can have a damaging emotional affair with someone I absolutely have seen it happen.

Some people are hurt and relationships are destroyed from emotional attachments believe it or not.
It really depends on the people involved, and to what extent the emotional encounter is involved.

But I guess there is no right or wrong answer to this just mere opinions from each individual.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 25, 2009, 02:20 PM

Have you told your girl friend/boy friend about this person or do you keep it a secret. The secrecy IMO makes it cheating.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 25, 2009, 02:21 PM

... in other words is this going on behind the person's back? If it is IMO you're cheating.

Romefalls19 · Jun 25, 2009, 02:49 PM

Ah, it's a double edge sword. It depends on several factors I think. Why do you have a strong emotional bond for this person, if it weren't for your relationship would you pursue her, what do your talks consist of? Personally, I think it is emotional cheating if you are talking about anything intimate with a member of the opposite sex.

kctiger · Jun 25, 2009, 02:50 PM

Yes, it is cheating. Sex is one thing, but becoming emotionally attached to someone is almost worst. Just my opinion.

Think about it this way. If your boyfriend hung out with another female because they were strongly attracted to each other, would you call that cheating? If they hung out constantly, flirted, and when their eyes connected, there was something more than friendship... would you mind? Would you be hurt?

Kagan88 · Jun 25, 2009, 03:07 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Have you told your girl friend/boy friend about this person or do you keep it a secret. The secrecy IMO makes it cheating.

I have not cheated... I ask because one of my friends I work with we talk about all kinds of things (not making an emotional connection with him) but he says he was close to a women right before his marriage never in a sexual way... just felt like he could talk to her about things that he couldn't with his soon to be wife... now 3 years later they are married with a child... and sometimes he says he has better conversations with me than his wife. He is a good guy and all but his wife is not my biggest fan he told her I had a girlfriend and everything still she worries that I want him... He is a good friend but I do not want to affect his marriage plus I don't want him. He is just really smart and someone to converse with... Oh and my relationship is solid and they know about the guy I work with totally not jealous on their end.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 25, 2009, 03:23 PM

Then he needs to stop talking to you. If his interaction with you is causing problems in his marriage it needs to stop. You need to leave him alone.
A man should not be spending more time talking to another women than his wife.

Kagan88 · Jun 25, 2009, 03:34 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Then he needs to stop talking to you. If his interaction with you is causing problems in his marriage it needs to stop. You need to leave him alone.
A man should not be spending more time talking to another women than his wife.

I'm not trying to take up for him but he doesn't his relationship with his wife is strong and good but because of his past she has a strong disdane for me... I mean some days are good we get along and others are bad... I guess I would understand more if we talked at all outside of work but we DON'T! I don't hang out with him, I don't call, nor text... We just talk in work like regular people but because I am around his age and the only female that can have a decent conversation I am made out to look like I am the bad guy... or even want him. Which is totally FALSE and he knows that! She does too I am just and easy target for past experiences...

HannahFisher · Jun 25, 2009, 03:42 PM

You should really tell this person who is "emotionaly attached to you. If you do than there is nothing to fear, and its not concitered cheating!

Homegirl 50 · Jun 25, 2009, 03:57 PM

Originally Posted by Kagan88

I'm not trying to take up for him but he doesn't his relationship with his wife is strong and good but because of his past she has a strong disdane for me... I mean some days are good we get along and others are bad... I guess I would understand more if we talked at all outside of work but we DON'T! I don't hang out with him, I don't call, nor text... We just talk in work like regular people but because I am around his age and the only female that can have a decent conversation I am made out to look like I am the bad guy... or even want him. Which is totaly FALSE and he knows that! She does too I am just and easy target for past experiences....

You said the man has a strong emotional connection. You should not do anything to keep it going. Tell him he needs to tend to his wife (especially if he knows she has a problem with it) and stop spending time talking to you.

liz28 · Jun 25, 2009, 06:25 PM

If you don't want him but his wife thinks you do your better off staying away from him. Do you reallly want this kind of drama in your life? I wouldn't!
Also, you might not want him but he might have thing for you and in return it is adding fume to the fire.

I mean what exactly do the two of you talk about? Who knows what he tells his wife about you or what other people at your job are telling her?

lola64 · Jun 25, 2009, 06:53 PM

It may not qualify as 'cheating' persay... YET..
However this can be a thin ice situation as it very well has the potential of skating very close towards emotional cheating (I just ended a 5 yr relationship because of this type of thing), and it can devastate the people that are involved and invested in the relationship (or invested in the people involved in the relationship!) I would tread lightly, and be aware that your actions, i.e. letting him open up to you in ways he feels he cannot to his wife, can and will appear selfish to an observer *aka his wife* and to her, even if nothing is 'happening' between you two, you are still looming over her relationship and he is enabling you to do so. You must think of how you would feel if the tables were turned and you were in her position. Even if there is trouble in their relationship, please just respect yourself enough to not let yourself get drawn into that typical dramatic triangle. And always keep in mind, what he would do WITH you, he can do TO you, and it says a lot about the type of character he might be.
All the best..

Catsmine · Jun 25, 2009, 07:42 PM

It's a bad idea to be friends with half of a couple. Cheating, emotional attachment, confidante, it doesn't matter. Right now you're "the other woman" whenever they have a difference. If you cannot be friends with both, hold it at the level of aquaintances/coworkers. If he can't do that then his marriage is in trouble and you need to be far away when it blows.

Kagan88 · Jun 25, 2009, 10:36 PM

I was asking this question because I was just curious I used him as an example... I am not the other women and his wife knows this! She has even admitted to telling him that she just doesn't like me because how he has acted in the past. I know the answers to everything that is being brought up... The question should have been worded in your opinion is having an emotional connection with someone considered cheating? I should have never brought an example into it because truthfully it doesn't effect my life at all! My girlfriend is totally cool that we talk in work and has no problem with it... She thinks he is a very intellegent guy.. and what do we talk about liz28... hmmm sports, work, news, literature, school, sometimes I think he sees me as a younger sister or a "guy" friend... And he is totally honest with his wife... when I was questioning it I even asked her myself because I didn't want her to dislike me... I am a very honest person and strongly believe that the truth will always succeed... So now that we are passed me being the other woman and so on...

Having an emotional connection with someone... I can see from some of you is cheating?

liz28 · Jun 26, 2009, 03:23 AM

I didn't accused you of being the other women nor did anyone else. Yes, you gave an example and we gave you our opinon based on the information you provided.

You stated the wife doesn't like you and I stated if she doesn't why put yourself in the mist of the drama?

However, it is your life and you can do what you want. Remember you were the one asking an open ended question. So why asked about having emotional cheating if you knew neither of you are doing this?

To sum things up this guy is just your work buddy and your not interested him and only have contact with him at work. However his wife doesn't like the friendship the two of you share because of his past. What should I do? This way there is mention of an emotional affair.

Good luck to you.

Kagan88 · Jun 26, 2009, 06:37 AM

Originally Posted by liz28

I didn't accused you of being the other women nor did anyone else. Yes, you gave an example and we gave you our opinon based on the information you provided.

You stated the wife doesn't like you and I stated if she doesn't why put yourself in the mist of the drama?

However, it is your life and you can do what you want. Remember you were the one asking an open ended question. So why asked about having emotional cheating if you knew neither of you are doing this?

To sum things up this guy is just your work buddy and your not interested him and only have contact with him at work. However his wife doesn't like the friendship the two of you share because of his past. What should I do? This way there is mention of an emotional affair.

Good luck to you.

I'm not offended by far I ask the question because I want to know people opinion on it I picked a bad example but the reason I thought of the question was because it came up at work amongst everyone and I was interested in not only the people I know but the people I don't and aren't afraid to sugar code anything...

jmw0713 · Jun 26, 2009, 06:52 AM

When it starts to affect relationships with the significant others of the people involved, then it is emotional cheating. When a person puts the needs of their "friend" a head of the needs of their SO, then it is emotional cheating. When more time and emotional energy is spent on the "friend" than the SO, that's emotional cheating.

When feelings start getting confused between the "friends" that is emotional cheating that is dangerously close to physical cheating.

That would be my definition of emotional cheating.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 26, 2009, 07:06 AM

I said from the beginning. If one person is having conversations with another in secret, they don't want their significant other to know about it or the extent of it, IMO this is cheating.