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merryiguana · Jun 21, 2009, 06:38 PM

I've been with this girl for three months now. She lives on the othwr side of the country. I met her on vacation and we really hit it off. I went back several times and we were planning for her to come visit me. We had the date set but she kept putting it off and it felt like she was slipping away. I kept asking her what was wrong but she just said everything was fine. I haven't been able to get a real answer about anything for a while now. Then she told me it wasn't the right time for her to be in a relationship and she was breaking up with me. The next day I was still flippin out and asking her what happened; we were incredibly happy together. I wanted to know what went wrong. All she would say was stuff about needi
Ng time and space but its been a month since I've seen her and she is 3000 miles away. I don't know how much more time and space she could really need. So I figured that was her way of saying it was over for good. So I didn't contact her for a day. Then she starts asking why I'm ignoring her and being a . I said "you asked for time I was giving it to you. She said k and that was it for the day. Now today she called me and I chatted for about ten minutes then told her I had to go. She sent me a text a few minutes later saying I was being a and acting like I don't care and I'm playing games. Ì told her she said she didn't want to be my priority so she wasn't anymore. And that I was looking for a real relationship and she said she needed to be single. A while later she called me. She ended up inviting me to go stay with her again. I said I would want to only when she decided that I was the one she wanted and knew that being with me was what would make her happy. So now she's thinking and said she would call me later and let me know. I want to be with her but I feel like she's playing a game with me now. I also feel like she just threw me away for no reason and I don't want her if she's going to do it again. I really need some help understanding what she's after. I don't have any clue why she broke it off. She says she doesn't either. I'm not sure how to handle this

chuff · Jun 21, 2009, 09:55 PM

There's a reason it feels like she's toying with you.

Dude, this is a breeze. Quit talking to her, you'll never see her again.

I wish · Jun 22, 2009, 07:26 AM

Originally Posted by merryiguana

I want to be with her but I feel like she's playing a game with me now.

You already figured it out right there. She only able to mess with your mind if you let her, which is exactly what you are doing. It's time to throw in the towel and move on to better things in life.

Do not respond to her communications.

jmw0713 · Jun 22, 2009, 07:37 AM

Stop wasting time with her. Learn and heal from this experience and try finding someone closer to where you live. It will be much easier to maintain the relationship.

Your situation it automatically harder to maintain, because you are so far apart. Phone calls and pictures only go so far. You have to be in physical contact to keep a real relationship going. Being 3000 miles away from each other put a HUGE damper on that, because of the logistics of getting together often enough to form a bond. I'm not saying that your relationship wasn't real, but the physical bond is super important.

jmooney527 · Jun 22, 2009, 07:37 AM

I agree... move on and find someone who isn't playing these games. You're not going to be able to get an answer out of her about why she's doing this. And it sounds like she's trying to get some emotional support by trying to stay in touch with you. I think she invited you to visit because you weren't really talking to her... she wants to keep that "connection" and string you along.

It sounds like you can make a clean break from it... so just do it and don't respond to her anymore. Find someone else who won't play these games with you. Best of luck!

merryiguana · Jun 22, 2009, 10:17 AM

Thanks guys. Its just hard for me to do because I was really looking forward to seeing her again. I told her last night I dudnt want to talk to her until she could tell me why it was that she dumped me saying that she didn't want to have to call me every day but still does so. And that I'd like to hear it when she was ready but I couldn't chat just as friends with her right now. I said she could call me when she was ready to convince me she wasn't stringing me along. I do want her back if she can be the person she was when I last saw her a month ago. Is there anyway ygat that can happen though?

jmw0713 · Jun 22, 2009, 10:39 AM

IF she broke up with you, chances are not good that she will be wanting you back. That's just the way things go.

jmooney527 · Jun 22, 2009, 10:52 AM

Originally Posted by merryiguana

Thanks guys. Its just hard for me to do because I was really looking forward to seeing her again. I told her last night I dudnt want to talk to her until she could tell me why it was that she dumped me saying that she didn't want to have to call me every day but still does so. And that I'd like to hear it when she was ready but I couldn't chat just as friends with her right now. I said she could call me when she was ready to convince me she wasn't stringing me along. I do want her back if she can be the person she was when I last saw her a month ago. Is there anyway ygat that can happen though?

You can't change other people, only yourself. Don't rely on minor manipulation ("call me back when you're ready to convince me..."). Don't do the head games thing, I know you aren't intentionally doing it but hanging stuff over her head isn't going to get her to change how she feels about you or the relationship.

Just let her go and don't talk to her anymore... you can't squeeze blood from a stone.

jenniepepsi · Jun 22, 2009, 10:53 AM

This is accually pretty common. She is confused and mixed up and doesn't know what she wants. One part of her wants it to be over, but another part of her isn't ready to completely give you up.

I agree with everyone else. Don't talk to her, change your phone number, don't respond. Move on.

slapshot_oi · Jun 22, 2009, 11:25 AM

It was a short-term relationship with someone you didn't see all that often.

After a few relationships you'll realize the stress caused by trying to figure out why your ex-girlfriend broke up with you isn't worth your time. Firstly, because she might never tell you, and secondly having to rely on someone else to tell you who you are isn't a something you should rely on.

And she's only "playing games" because you're giving her something to work with. Telling her "call me when you wanna date again" doesn't lend itself to strong behavior. She sees your vulnerability and exploits it, she's entrepreneurial. Quit feeding her material and she'll stop.

merryiguana · Jun 22, 2009, 11:58 AM

I talked to my friend and he said maybe she is just scared of taking such a trip and that she's afraid she will get too close to me too quickly. Any thoughts? If she's just a scared little girl I want to work with her but if she's just a manipulative bizzitch I don't. Is it possible she just is afraid or is it obvious to everyone but me that she's messing with me?

chuff · Jun 22, 2009, 12:08 PM

What am I missing here?

You've known her for 90 days and you live 3000 miles apart? How is this going to work... and why are you trying so hard for someone you do not know?

merryiguana · Jun 22, 2009, 12:16 PM

Because she is beautiful and very smart and she laughed at all my jokes and the sex was absolutely incredible. Have you ever been able to tell your friends about your girl in Hollywood that wants to you four times every day and cook you dinner every night?

jenniepepsi · Jun 22, 2009, 12:16 PM

You will find another beautifull very smart funny girl that has great sex.

jolienoire · Jun 22, 2009, 12:22 PM

You must watch too many movies, Do you think this is going to be happily ever after, she is undecisive, manipulative, and playing childish games. Why would you even bother to travel to be with someone who clearly confused? Seems to me she likes the attention, but once you give into her, she regains control and leaves you just waiting on her and an answer, I mean what is to think about you either want someone or you don't.
I say you are waisting your time.

slapshot_oi · Jun 22, 2009, 12:22 PM

Originally Posted by merryiguana

Because she is beautiful and very smart and she laughed at all my jokes and the sex was absolutely incredible. Have you ever been able to tell your friends about your girl in Hollywood that wants to you four times every day and cook you dinner every night?

Have you been able to tell your friends that your girl in Hollywood that wants to you four times every day and cook you dinner every night is no longer yours?

merryiguana · Jun 22, 2009, 12:30 PM

Yes I said to them it was over. I've been on two dates since as well. But she called me during both and left voicemails saying she wanted to talk to me. So all of you think I should just say screw it then huh. Thanks for the input. I'm def not talking to her for a while then.

jolienoire · Jun 22, 2009, 12:31 PM

Originally Posted by merryiguana

Yes I said to them it was over. I've been on two dates since as well. but she called me during both and left voicemails saying she wanted to talk to me. So all of you think I should just say screw it then huh. Thanks for the input. I'm def not talking to her for a while then.

Yes leave her alone, unless you like riding on an emotional rollercoaster.