[pb and j]

So I've been dating this wonderful and horrible woman for about a year and a half now, and she is all over the place, she wants me there when I'm not, and away when I am. She is a walking contradiction. She tells me she is bipolar, but gets no treatment, and when I ask her about her mood swings or thoughts and if they have to do with being bipolar, she says I am the crazy one.

The beginning of our relationship was the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. Both of us head over heels, constantly together, singing songs, making love, trips to the mountains, breakfast, sex, kisses, texts, you know... the works, what everyone wants. One day she starts getting funny, stops paying attention to me, and treats me like . She begins talking to her verbally and mentally abusive ex of five years and begins to make up things that I do, and gets angry about everything. She says she's not into him, but it is obvious to me that she is. I say, be with him if that's what you want, but she doesn't (he lives in another state and refuses to move here). We fight on and off, I be as sweet as I can. Finally, we break (we have been living together for 8 months at this point).

A month and a half later, she calls, begging me to come back. I love her, I tell her I don't trust her. She assures me she made a mistake, and wants to be together. Within two weeks, her lovey dovey moods are gone, and she's freaking out on me again. Leaving the toilet seat up can get her pissed at me for three days. She says I obviously don't listen to her or care if I forget to do a small task she asks (example: you forget to empty the toaster, though you bleached the entire kitchen, and cleaned the house... the focus goes to the toaster because that's what she specifically said).

I decide to leave. Suddenly, she is wonderful again. She tells me she can't control herself and that she loves me with all of her soul and wants to marry me. We settle back into bliss. But I got a job out of town for two months. I visit twice, and things are beautiful, but I disagree with her one night, and everything gets nasty again, and suddenly "i'm not listening, and don't care again." She says she loves me with all her heart, and flips out. Our sex life sucks, she has become unaffectionate. She says she still wants to marry me, but doesn't show it.

She wrote me a letter once, telling me she wanted me to know she wanted me for forever, and that she was writing me because she felt like herself and didn't know how long that would last. That she was sorry I had to deal with what bad exboyfriends and people had created within her, that part of her that could only love me when she's in control... you know the story.

Is she bipolar? Crazy? She goes through jobs like elephants take s and can't keep friends for very long. Her family is worried about her and thinks she needs meds.
She has taken vicodin for 12 years and she is only 25 for a disease she has (marfans disease). Does she just not like me and is too weak to be without me? Do the pills make her crazy?

I love her, I know she's crazy. I am a good looking young man with a promising future and plenty of other suitors, but I'm in love with her. How should I react? Where can I find answers?

[twinkiedooter]

She sounds like a bipolar for sure. All of her drastic mood swings and other behavior have bipolar written all over it. She will only get worse with time.

If you can, leave her in your dust unless you enjoy sadistic behavior on her part. It's part of the disease to overpower and manipulate normal people.

I have no idea why a doctor would prescribe Vicodin for Marfan's Disease.

Any pain meds and bipolar folks don't mix.

Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit as fast as you can and end this extremely unhealthy relationship.

[Justwantfair]

Some relationships aren't meant to be worked out.

This woman clearly has plenty of issues, but love doesn't mean that you are obligated to take this issues on as your own. Do what is right and healthiest for you and move on with your life.

Roller coasters are only amusing for a time, after awhile, they just make you sick.

[doesntwantit26]

Okay so I wasn't going to say anything but I don't know I feel like this maybe can help you in some small way and give you some insight. I hope it does. So I myself have bipolar disorder and my boyfriend goes through the samething your going through not as extreme but basically attitudes and arguments for no reason all because I'm going through it at that moment. Then I'm fine the next day. So I do think your girlfriend may need to seek help for her moods. I have been in mental health treatment for fourteen years. I have been on just about all the medications that are out there for bipolar and depression. Currently on some and maybe that's why I'm not as extreme.This is just my opinion. I feel like she may also be acting very extreme because she is on vicodin for twelve years so now you have a person who is already very moody and unstable who is now addicted to vicodins. I don't know if you know anything about opiates but they are very physically and mentally addicting, I too was addicted to opiates and stopped going to therapy and stopped taking all medications.It was not a pretty sight. My advice to you is to get her help. Have her go see a doctor. In my opinion she doesn't need the vicodin it's only making the situation worse. As I said I however am not a doctor so I would start by talking to her and suggesting very delicately that she get a mental health evaluation.

[pb and j]

I appreciate that, how do you get some one to go to the doctor if they don't want to? I've been trying. I suggest it and she says, "we've already talked about this." and gets pissed if I press the issue which just becomes another argument. Also, do you feel like you are not into your boyfriend at times? She will be awesome, but then, I become annoying because I can't seem to "listen to her" which means forgetting to clean something or doing something she dislikes and then I'm not worthy or some sh*t for a week? Any advice?

[Justwantfair]

Leaving a Partner with BPD

Leaving A Partner with Borderline Personalty Disorder-Joe Carver, PhD

Here are some links, I imagine you are seeking responses to help you cater to her illness, but I can not offer that advice.

[jenniepepsi]

Mmm you sure your not MY husband?

She needs treatment. She sounds exactly like me when I'm not on my meds. If she refuses to get treatment for this I don't see any hope for the relationship. But if she can get help, then there is no reason the marriage won't work.


Goog luck hon

[doesntwantit26]

I am always feeling like I'm not really that into my boyfriend. He gets on my nerves all the time. However I think the difference here is that I know that it's just me and I really love him and don't want to lose him. I know that my boyfriend really hasn't done anything to me, for me to be annoyed with him. Your girlfriend probably knows it's her to. The problem is getting her to realize she needs help. If she doesn't want help you can't force her, but remember it's not fair to you to have to live like that.

[Kagan88]

My girlfriend is bipolar; she takes her medication regularly though and she seems to do just fine... We have our normal fights but nothing out of the norm... I think your girlfriend if you really want to have a future with her needs to get help or at least look into information about being bipolar... But yes how she is acting is definitely common signs of being bipolar... When my girlfriend doesn't take her meds that is how she acts and truthfully I just ignore it. I love her enough to be there when she snaps out of it and usually just giving her the time she needs to rant and rave is good enough... Being with someone that is bipolar is not always easy to deal with but as long as they are willing to work on it and you are there for them it gets better... Talking the talk requires one to walk the walk. If you are in love with her you will tell her how it is and that she needs to get help.

[pb and j]

Thank you all,
For your responses and help. I do not know how to get her into treatment. She will not see a counselor, nor will she agree to see a relationship counselor together. I also believe that the bipolar diagnosis is a little off and that she is borderline personality disorder in all reality.
Any ideas of how to get her to want to accept help? Do I just have to walk away for a bit? She is emotionally unattached right now and blames this on me saying I push all of her buttons, and know that I'm doing it, and also that I am untrustworthy because I've asked friends for advice in our relationship (which she believes makes her look horrible and me like a martyr), but is that not part of what friends are for?
You have all been wonderful and thanks for the help

[Kagan88]

It seems as if your girlfriend just doesn't want to acknowledge that she might really have an issue... it's easier for her to blame it all on you saying you just know how to push all of her buttons... I think if she doesn't want help then the ball is in your corner. You either stay and continue to deal with it or you leave in hopes that it will open her eyes and she will say she has an issue... from what you have said before you have tried leaving and for brief periods she does good but remember until she really goes and gets medical attention for it then she will just continue the cycle... Hope all ends well for you

[Lesko04]

Did she diagnosis herself as bipolar? Does it run in her family? Or is she using this as an excuse for her bad behavior and wrong doings. I think she's using it and you. I work in a Mental Health Facility, our docs put Bi-polar people on meds, it's required to contain the erratic behavior. Some people will act this way and blame it on being Bi-polar. We hear so much more about it today, and people just throw it out there. Go to her therapist with her, hear them say her DX to you. When I get nasty my husband excuses me of being Bi-Polar, he is only kidding though. She has a pattern with the useless ex, and this gives her a ready excuse. You need to think of your own health and safety. Sex can kill, if she's sleeping with him on these tirades, you in a disgusting way are sleeping with him to, and everyone else he's sleeping with, and so on. She may not be your biggest problem one day, it might be Aids or HIV. You sound like a caring person, you keep hoping for the best in her, that's a great quailty in a person, but how about caring for yourself first? It's about time someone put your feelings and needs in the front of the line. Seek help for her is she''ll accept it, if not, let her go make her bad choices before it costs you more than your willing to pay.

[SuperDry18]

Yeah being bi-polar will explain her mood swings.

You could ask her to go to therapy if she really cares about you because it's hurting/confusing you at the same time as she's confusing herself!

If she says no and doesn't do anything alternative to help herself, then you're both going to end up going through a spiral of the same arguments, confusion and second thoughts.

Sorry to seem so negative.
Hope everything works out :)

[Tammy Marie Oca]

I'm in the process of receiving ssi since November ,I just appealed it again my husband is on unemployment ,we have a 1omonth old girl can we get a grant forrenters

[honestadvisor]

Wow.
I wish people would stop trying to self-diagnose.

There are many types of mental illness and there are also several types of individuals who are spoiled rotten, selfish and self-centered.

I have heard of women who are wonderful at the beginning of relationships, largely because they love all the attention; However, when the real world comes into play i.e. jobs or school or responsibility and the other partner has to deal with the real world and cannot dote on their new love, well the mood quickly changes and their lover is not the "person" whom they met.
Sometimes it could be immaturity or at other times bad upbringing or at at times it could be that the person is simply a selfish self centred person. And finally, the person could really be Mentally Ill. Today, everything has a label and mental illness is very common.
So, what should you do. If you are looking for a long term relationship including marriage, I would look very hard at continuing this relationship. I add that once children come, the mental ill person has greater difficulty in dealing with the children and this effects their upbringing.

If this was me ( and after over 10 years of being married to a mentally ill person, who takes meds and sees Doctors and thinks she is well, even when she drives us all crazy), I would end this relationship and quick. Life is too short. If your friend acts this way and is NOT Mentally ill then there are plenty of NICE and caring people. If she is Mentally ill, than I am sorry for her but this is not your problem. You can try to help as a friend BUT you do not need the emotional baggage that it carries. Though she did not wish upon herself this possible illness, you do not have to live the rest of your life suffering. I have children and stay for them as I do not want them alone with their mother. Once they move out of the house I may or may not stay because as I said before, the added pressure of a home and children is very difficult for a mentally ill person... when we go away on vacation, she is very different... friendly, frisky and fun... but when we come home... I want her to leave... I take a lot of long walks alone).

Is this the type of life your want? Love is wonderful but we are talking about your whole life here!

Good luck

[s_cianci]

Sounds like she could be bipolar. And not very good relationship material at that. Do you really want to continue taking this kind of craziness and abuse? Especially since, by her own admission, she refuses to seek medical treatment!

[mum2five]

For those who know what bi-polar is you realize how difficult it can be to work and have a relationship with a bi-polar person. If you are brave enough to attempt this knowingly, then I admire you greatly. A bi-polar person can be very fun loving and sensitive at times, while at other times they are the worst thing in the world to deal with.

An argument with a bi-polar person tends to turn personal, quickly. If you are just having a general argument, it is highly likely to turn highly personal. This can occur even before you realize it has occurred, until it is too late and the damage has been done. One of the most important things to realize is that many bi-polar people are unable to control their temper, emotions, and actions at times.

This is not to say that those who are bi-polar are violent. However, they do tend to be very short tempered, and agitated easily.

While most who are bi-polar do attempt to control their urge's and emotions, they find it difficult to maintain focus , or even care what is going on around them .

Most who are bi-polar do not want to discuss their medication habits, or lack of. This can be a major cause for problems.

Bipolar people have two distinct personalities. At one end of the pole, they are extremely happy. This mood can last for weeks or months. On the other end of the pole, they are extremely depressed or angry. This mood can also last for weeks and months. This behavior disorder has also been known as manic depressive. Unfortunately, because of this behavior disorder, they usually cannot hold down a full time job. Also, for obvious reasons, they have a difficult time with relationships with family and friends. Medication helps somewhat, but it doesn't seem to be enough to make changes in their lives.

Maybe you need to have a long hard think about if you are ready to make the commitment this type of relationship needs?

Seeking expert advice is the only solution.

[jasmine24]

I was like that with my babydaddy and all my ex I was rape and been through boyfriend's problems. I went from been nice to mean... and the reason why I felt that way because I don't love myself,self esteem was very low,I never learn that mother and daughter.and though that I could get it from a dude... wrong... first of pray... if the god say she the one for you so be it

[Gemini54]

I agree with honest advisor that behavior like this could be many things, and it's really difficult to diagnose.

I also agree that many behaviors have been 'labelled' - but when spoilt, selfish behaviors become chronic, and they negatively affect people's lives then at that point I believe we can potentially label them personality disorders.

Personality disorders are increasingly common - and what you describe could fit into Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Typically, people affected by these disorders are super moody, angry and defensive. They are also in denial and generally refuse to seek counselling or psychiatric help.

However, it doesn't really matter what her problem is or what it can be labelled. The issue is that she's impossible to live with, blames you for her problems and she's sucking all your energy and vitality away.

Love doesn't last long with people like this - before long you'll be sucked dry and have nothing to give anyway.

Sorry, but I'd be heading for the hills if I were you. And, don't look back.

[Kagan88]

For those who know what bi-polar is you realize how difficult it can be to work and have a relationship with a bi-polar person. If you are brave enough to attempt this knowingly, then I admire you greatly. A bi-polar person can be very fun loving and sensitive at times, while at other times they are the worst thing in the world to deal with.

An argument with a bi-polar person tends to turn personal, quickly. If you are just having a general argument, it is highly likely to turn highly personal. This can occur even before you realize it has occurred, until it is too late and the damage has been done. One of the most important things to realize is that many bi-polar people are unable to control their temper, emotions, and actions at times.

This is not to say that those who are bi-polar are violent. However, they do tend to be very short tempered, and agitated easily.

While most who are bi-polar do attempt to control their urge's and emotions, they find it difficult to maintain focus , or even care what is going on around them .

Most who are bi-polar do not want to discuss their medication habits, or lack of. This can be a major cause for problems.

Bipolar people have two distinct personalities. At one end of the pole, they are extremely happy. This mood can last for weeks or months. On the other end of the pole, they are extremely depressed or angry. This mood can also last for weeks and months. This behavior disorder has also been known as manic depressive. Unfortunately, because of this behavior disorder, they usually cannot hold down a full time job. Also, for obvious reasons, they have a difficult time with relationships with family and friends. Medication helps somewhat, but it doesn't seem to be enough to make changes in their lives.

Maybe you need to have a long hard think about if you are ready to make the commitment this type of relationship needs?

Seeking expert advice is the only solution.

Yeah my girlfriend is is bipolar... at times it is extremely good and others extremely bad but I have been around her long enough to know the real her and her amazing heart! Regularly I am the one with the short temper but since being with her I have become way more submissive and we mesh well together... I let her get how she feels out and I acknowlege her and what she has to go through... At times I want to give up but at the end of the day I really wouldn't want to be with anyone else. I post this so people know that not everyone who is bipolar is hopeless for relationships... Mine is still going strong!