[Melhoneybee]

Im in my early teens.

In August something dreadful happened between me and my father. So dreadful that I wanted to commit suicide and I thought my world had ended. I never used to be sad, I was the happiest person on earth. People used to call me the smiley one and I honestly felt like no one could pop the wonderful bubble in which my life was situated. And then after this horrible deed my world crashed. For the rest of my summer holidays until September I was very very upset. I couldn't eat, I was always crying, I felt as if my life had no meaning. To make matters worse my best friend had left to go live in america. I felt alone and depressed. Nothing felt the same. I could never look at my father with the same amount of love that I have ever done before.

As I got back to school, I decided to turn my life around. It was good as I had got involved in a small play which was tremendous fun. It took my mind off things and I thought that life was getting better. I felt on a constant high. I was laughing and giggleing everyday. I was going hyper without sugar. I was having the time of my life. I never wanted it to stop.

When the last performance of the play ended I felt as if the fire that had been lighting up my life had been put out. I started to feel terrible again. It was mid October and my world was turned upside down.
I became very upset about life. I would honeslty say to my friends things like "You know, what is there to look forward to this christmas? Come on, what with the credit crunch we might as all give up"
As October turned to November and November turned to December my awful thoughts became more upsetting. I would often think of suicide. I remember going shopping with friends and suddenly bursting into tears going "I can't cope, I can't cope" Hand on heart I never attempted it. I hated my father and I couldn't turn to anyone about it, not even my mother. I just cried all the way through christmas and felt so lonely. I kept texting people hoping they would talk to me. My friends no longer seemed like friends, just mates.

As January came I told myself that I had to change and so became a lot happier. I was doing another play and felt so much happier. By mid jan my hapiness turned into another period of high, constant laughing fits about nothing funny, having fun, saying to my mates 24/7 "You know what, Life is fun!!!!"

When the play ended I expected my life to reach rock bottom again, and yes it did in a way. I felt very low again. Not as low as before but still low. I made a new friend doing the play and because of this life felt a lot better. This person was very kind understanding and I could tell them anything. They made me feel special and loved and we would often spend hours on end talking to each other.
By February I thought my life was back on track again. I felt normal and more like how I used to be

The month March was very confusing. The 1st week I was on a high. The 2ndrd week I was proper low again. And the 3rd week I was so happy, and over the moon and jumpy continuously. And in the first week of April I was very upset again. More moping around and feeling alone.

My life at the moment feels back on track again. But I keep having a week of feeling really confident, like I could do anything in the world followed by a week of feeling hopeless and useless.
Nothing triggers it, it just happens. I tried talking to my friends about it but they just say its hormones and life of being a teenager and that children can't get as upset as I say I am.

I am a very lucky person. I go to a really nice school, every gets on with me, my parents have a substantial amount of money, I live in a nice area and have a lovely home but I feel so upset about everything that happened in August. I know I have no reason to complain about my life but I just can't seem to love my dad any more and that is what hurts me. He keeps saying he's sorry for what he's done and he says he loves me but I can't bring myself to forgive him and its destroying my life
Ive been researching my problems on the interenet and the only answer I can come up with is bipolar disorder. I don’t think I have it and anyway its only been bothering me since August. Is it really just because I'm a teenager and confused. Im CONFUSED! If you have any advice for me or even suffer it yourself please help me, many thanks,
Melhoneybee

[N0help4u]

Most bi polar people I know get very aggressive with their anger.
You are very likely have normal depression triggered by external events. You need to learn how to manage your emotions better but I really don't think you are clinically depressed where your neurotransmitters are triggering your moods.

See a therapist and tell them that for now you would just like to get more insight and learn how to overcome your problems rather than get put on any anti depressants. Then take it from there.

Look up sites on tricks to overcoming depression too.
Sometimes simple things like burning scented candles, listening to music, drinking a cup of hot cocoa, soaking in a hot tub, counting your blessings
Help more than you realize.

[pb and j]

I would agree with NOhlep4U, you do not sound bipolar to me. Bipolar people ride a tide of constantly changing emotions, highs and lows. In the manic stage they become very aggressive and act as if they don't need the people they love most. In the depressive stage they don't feel worth the dirt they stand on and can't figure out why.

You sound as if you have depression triggered from a stressful event. This also happened to me in high school, and I felt like no one would listen to me nor cared. I was constantly trying to be positive but felt crushed and like I couldn't deal with anything. The feelings eventually subsided, but I had to learn a bunch of coping mechanisms to get over it. Drugs won't help you. You need to burn your stress of by talking about it. If you were like I was, your friends don't seem like friend at all and you begin to withdraw and have a harder and harder time trusting anyone. Seeing someone, a counselor, is probably your best option. Hope you figure it out. Sorry for whatever happened concerning your father. Good luck to you.

[doesntwantit26]

I also agree with the other responses. I have bipolar disorder and for me it's a lot of different emotions and moods brought on for no reason. I vary from day to day minute to minute. I'm extremely happy one day and crying the next then so angry I want to throw things and break them the next. What your experiencing is for a reason something horrible happened to you to make you feel the way you do. Now I'm no doctor this is just my personally opinion from someone who has been in mental health therapy for fourteen years, I think you have more of the symptoms of depression and post traumatic stress disorder [ just my personally opinion] I would really consider going and getting some counseling talking to someone about what happened might help you more than you think.