[doesntwantit26]

Hello
My question is, my boyfriend is 44 I'm 26 and I know that he does really love me. Anyway we've been together 1 yr and in the first 6 mo of the relationship we had sex daily sometimes 2 or three times. However during this period he would either orgasm very quickly or, loose it. And continue until I was satisfied in other ways,if you know what I mean! Well recently I really feel like it's me either he can't preform at all or the same thing that always happens happens to early. Also we have slowed it down to twice a month! I have a very high sex drive when I'm with someone I love it makes me feel closer to them and I need that all the time. I just want 2 say he does have major heart problems, pacemaker heart disease and I know that doesn't help. However whenever we are out or he's watching t.v every girl he says is hot is 110lbs no chest basically the complete opposite of me. So I begun to wonder could he just not find me attractive enough. Before I end this I must say I know he's not cheating we don't live together but were together everyday he calls when he's supposed to and if were not together I can call him anytime and he's home. So cheating is out no other women call him on either cell or home phones. Lastly, he is very very affectionate always wanting me to hold him or vice versa holding hands kissing all the time. And tells me he loves me at least once a day. In essence my question is is it him? Or am I not fulfilling his sexual desires? It's driving me crazy please help!

[liz28]

He is 46 for crying out loud with heart problems and who knows what other medical conditions. His sex drive have nothing to do with you nor does it take away from how he feels about you. His medical issues are in the way so you even accept it or move on.

Your younger than him by a number of years and probably have no health conditions and he is top shape so if you want this relationship to continue your going have to compromise and cut his some slack.

Invest in some toys for yourself because they have a lot on the market that the two of you can use to fulfill your sexual appetite.

I mean you don't want him to have a heart attack while the two of you are having sex and you shouldn't make this all about you.

[Gemini54]

You need to have a talk to him about it, but be careful not to do it during or after sex.

I don't think that his age has much to do with it (44 is still young!), but medication taken for heart disease can drastically lower the libido and cause premature ejaculation or erectile problems.

If you have a talk with him, perhaps he can speak to his doctor about it. This is not an unusual problem for a person with heart problems and the doctor may be able to offer a range of strategies for him to deal with it.

Clearly he cares about you, and cares about your sexual pleasure, so I'm sure that if you're tactful and loving in your approach you can work it out together.

[jmooney527]

I wouldn't worry about it too much. It's quite normal for sex to decrease after a while... things aren't as "new" and "exciting" as they once were, etc. It doesn't mean he's cheating on you whatsoever. And the fact that he's commenting about other women doesn't mean anything. Men like variety, and being attracted to other women, even if they look nothing like you, is normal.

If sex is such a big part of your life, then maybe you need to assess your needs and weigh your options. Would you be emotionally satisfied staying with him knowing that you'll have less sex? Or is having a lot of sex that important that you need to be with someone with a higher libido? The decision is yours. If you love this person, then find other ways to satisfy yourself. And you can also try spicing things up... doing things "beyond the norm" is an exciting thing that a lot of men like.

[88sunflower]

I agree with all of the below... cut him some slack since he has some medical conditions. If he is willing to satisfy you in other ways then be happy with that. Or like liz said invest in some toys. There are some great options out there and many websites to browse and order from. Why not play around and let him watch. That's always hot. I wouldn't be offended on his commenting on other women if he is still so affectionate towards you. Men and women are attracted to a variety of different things. What I married isn't at all what I am attracted to. But he is who I fell in love with. If your thinking of ending this relationship because of the sex then you really need to talk about it with him and give him a chance first.

[MoodsterMan]

You are just being selfish and don't deserve him. If sex is the reason you have doubts then move on and go to clubs. There are tons of toys, stimulates, pills.. positions that you can try to improve each others sex life. When you say "the complete opposite of me" are you saying you are a heavy set woman? Or that you have large breasts? Because perhaps he is emotionally attracted to you but not sexually.

Make sure you aren't pointing fingers when they are pointing back at you.

[Romefalls19]

Medical conditions plus sex drive for a lot of males decreases with age. It happens, as well as some people don't want to have sex all the time after they have been in a relationship for awhile

[talaniman]

in essence my question is is it him? Or am I not fulfilling his sexual desires? It's driving me crazy please help!

I think that your taking the realities of life way to personally, and your failing to realize that the honeymoon is over, and you need to pay attention, and work on developing other areas of the relationship. Like, how to talk and listen, as opposed to your own high sexual nature.

If you expect to relate to the more mature man, then you must also have an open mind to learn where he is coming from, and be confident enough to ask about the things you don't know about.

Case in point, the effects of the medications he takes. Another point, expecting him to be able to do all you want for you, when somethings you have to be able to do for yourself.

The just fun is over, and the work of maintaining a relationship has begun.

Your just dating exclusively. That can be fun too, if you let it be, as you continue to get to know each other.

I think you also need to keep a better balance between your own independent life without him, and the time you spend together. To much, to fast, crash and burn. The amount of sex you get from him, is the least of your problems.

[doesntwantit26]

I just want to say that we have talked about this quite a bit and he says he's just not feeling like himself latley and it has nothing to do with me. However I know in his past he's been into freaky things that we don't do. I mean some of it we have the toys different posisions you know things like that but it's not enough to keep him " going"

[88sunflower]

i just want to say that we have talked about this quite a bit and he says he's just not feeling like himself latley and it has nothing to do with me. however i know in his past he's been into freaky things that we don't do. i mean some of it we have the toys diffrent posisions you know things like that but it's not enough to keep him " going"

Well if you want more sex and he likes to get freaky I say rock on girl and get freaky with it!

[jmooney527]

i just want to say that we have talked about this quite a bit and he says he's just not feeling like himself latley and it has nothing to do with me. however i know in his past he's been into freaky things that we don't do. i mean some of it we have the toys diffrent posisions you know things like that but it's not enough to keep him " going"

Maybe ask him why he's been feeling like he's not himself lately and try to address that route... it could be the underlying issue. Or it could very well be you (sorry I had to play devil's advocate) and he's trying to not hurt your feelings. Try to remember back to when you first met and remind him of what he fell in love with and was attracted to. It sounds like you're trying to figure everything out and it could be killing his sexual appetite.

[doesntwantit26]

Maybe ask him why he's been feeling like he's not himself lately and try to address that route... it could be the underlying issue. Or it could very well be you (sorry I had to play devil's advocate) and he's trying to not hurt your feelings. Try to remember back to when you first met and remind him of what he fell in love with and was attracted to. It sounds like you're trying to figure everything out and it could be killing his sexual appetite.

Thanxs for being straight however when we talk about it he says that it's just a little rut and we will work through it because that's what people who are in relationships and are in love that's what they do and he tells me all the tim he wants to spend the rest of his life w/ me I'm the one. Just last night was how recent he said that my fear is that he's going to find someone who does it for him. If you know what I mean.:(

[liz28]

I couldn't really understand your last post. Did he tell you to find someone that does it for you or he will find someone that does it for him?

Please try not to use chat talk because it makes your post hard to read.