[tink0307]

I recently met a guy on line - we have talked every single night for 6 weeks - he said he was not an emailer yet he mails me at work, he is even there some lunchtimes.
He said he didn't want me to fall for him - he had made that mistake himself before.
He said the 'signs' were asking to meet - no chance given where he is, talking all the time and waiting in the IM space... well he is always there first and admits to waiting... and is always the one saying see you tomorrow...
He says we can only be friends, but I have fallen for him and want him, we have no communication for a couple of weeks at the moment and it is really hurting - just tells me what I feel is real and not some infatuation...
He says things like I would make a wonderful partner and he cares deeply, feels, worries if I'm OK, when he says cares he says he won't use the word I do ( I did tell him I fell in love with him). Says I make him want to cry sometimes because I am not selfish, not malicious, not nasty, not thoughtless... I feel he has been hurt and is scared, but how - and I know I should just ask him but - any guys out there understand this your insight would be appreciated

[chuff]

he said the 'signs' were asking to meet - no chance given where he is,

Then there is no need to go further.

I think you are in love with the idea of being in love, but you are not actually in love. I know this because you haven't met him. Anyone can say anything online in an environment where the questions and answers are thought out. Real chemistry happens in person.

[Megan2345]

How old are the two of you?

[tink0307]

How old are the two of you?

He's 41 and I'm 44
I know we haven't met but I don't agree with chuff that the questions and answers are thought out - calculated... that's now how the conversations have flowed...

[chuff]

he's 41 and i'm 44

Was not expecting that.

i know we haven't met but i dont agree with chuff that the questions and answers are thought out - calculated..... thats now how the conversations have flowed.....

But you do admit it's easier to have a conversation online then it is to in real person correct? Online you get breaks, you can get up and get a bite to eat, there is not the flow of normal conversation.

Either way, that doesn't really matter, you can't meet him so what' the point?

[tink0307]

Was not expecting that.



But you do admit it's easier to have a conversation online then it is to in real person correct? Online you get breaks, you can get up and get a bite to eat, there is not the flow of normal conversation.

Either way, that doesn't really matter, you can't meet him so what' the point?

I disagree, communication is only 10% what is actually said, when you arethere in person it is easier - there is body language, tone of voice, signs to read and eyes to read etc...
I think talking on line is harder, so much easier to miss emotion - fed up/anger/sad/giggly, it can be quite cold...
Sorry I should have been clearer, we have talked every night between 3 and 4 hours - no breaks, no silences, just free flowing conversation - he says I am easy to talk to - he can just be himself... when we first 'talked' he was confused as he felt he was no longer himself, now he feels he is... emotional clap trap?. I think that is a little harsh on him and me

[Megan2345]

Well, you could save your money and travel to see each other if you really think you're in love.

[chuff]

Third time.

Why continue doing this when you can't meet?

[tink0307]

Well, you could save your money and travel to see eachother if you really think you're in love.

He is overseas as in the services, his tour of duty ends soon...
He will be 2hrs down the road... that's why I wondered if anyone understood if he does want just friends?
This wouldn't hurt if it was infatuation...
Hey thanks for your thoughts
T

[marcuscorey]

If you are falling for him and you think that he is kind of pushing u away then you really just need to be up frint with him and ask if it will be worth it in the long run or if you should just stay friends that way you know to move on or not without hurting him

[Megan2345]

I agree. You need to talk to him about it.

[liz28]

This guy owes you nothing because your not boyfriend and girlfriend--just email buddies. He told you not to expect nothing nor fall in love with him but you didn't listen.

You don't know anything about him and people do lie. For all you know he could be emailing you from his mother's basement.

Then you wrote "he said the 'signs' were asking to meet - no chance given where he is, talking all the time and waiting in the IM space..... well he is always there first and admits to waiting...and is always the one saying see you tomorrow....". What? That's is all I am going say!

You seem to really want someone and is wiling to settle. Now you could be a smart person but right now you aren't using your head.

Love! What is love to you?

[susangpyp]

It sounds like he is saying it's not happening for him and there could be a reason. Could be married, could be not who he says he is, could be just looking to have his ego stroked.

But what about you? How do you take this guy at face value and think you're falling in love with him when you don't really know him. It sounds like you're falling in love with his sweet talking.

Relationships are hard. Cyberspace flirting is easy. It's a matter of what you're getting from building up a fantasy that probably doesn't work in real life.

[Laura2207]

People... he is MARRIED! Obviously! He is married with 4 children at home. I'll bet you!

[liz28]

He might be! Hey you never know. To properly answer the OP question "what does he really want?" Nothing, he told you that already.

Also, you can disagree with Chuff all you want but you only disagree because it is the truth and people don't the truth. I can't figure out why.

[griffers90]

This guy is not telling you the whole truth if he is:

he is overseas as in the services, his tour of duty ends soon.....
T

Then how would he have the time to be waiting for you online and constantly messaging you. I had an ex that was in the forces when he went to Afghanistan we ended up splitting after two months because the communication just wasn't there. He was kept so busy he rarely had a moment to himself and when he did he didn't always have acess to a computer.

If this man has time to be lying around he's not in any forces I'd want to be in. I know what you must be thinking is that we're all against this but it just seems that you have fallen in love with the romance of courting a strange man who through your messages became close to you. When in reality he is probably just dissatisfied with the life he has and sending you these messages makes him able to delude himself that he does lead that more interesting life. I don't want to shoot you down in flames but you have got to take off your rose tinted glasses and view this as you would with a clear mind.

1. Is this safe? (this man could be up to anything even kidnapping / rape just because you're not in your teens doen't mean it can't happen to you nobody's invincible)

2. Do you really know this man? (he may be saying he's in the forces but would you still love him if he mopped the floors in mc donalds?)

You are clearly an intelligent woman but I think you need to distance yourself from this situation and look at it without its airs and graces.