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mylife99 · Jun 5, 2009, 01:24 PM

I have been dating my girl for 5 months. The first 2 and a half months were amazing, I am guessing because of the honey moon phase? I feel like she might be trying to control me. She signed me up to work an event without even asking me, she just told me I was doing it. She always tries to modify my behaviour by telling me how to hold my utensils when eating, she gets mad because I keep doing it the way I have always done it.Once she told me to keep up to her when walking with her because I look like a stalker. Once She laughted at my shirt and then when I put a different one on told me that the shirt I just had on was ugly. She even told me I needed new shoes! And then showed me the kind of shoes I should buy.She gives me heck after for things that I said that wernt even that bad. She acuses me of flirting and checking out other girls when I actually never did. Ex) Paying a supper bill, and then after teling me that I was flirting with the girl at the checkout. She even told me to wash my hands better once. Whenever I have an opinion its either her way or nothing. I feel like I can't do nothing right, she is always giving me heck for things making me feel like I am not good enough. I never start fights and I treat her like gold. I am scared she is going to break up with me because I am resisting her control. Is my girl controlling? Its hard for me to see because I am traped In the middle. What should I do? Pushing back doesn't work! Help me Please. Thank you all for taking the time to help me!

Triysle · Jun 5, 2009, 02:02 PM

You already consider her controlling, why are you asking us if we agree with you?

The problem here, as is the case with almost every relationship, is a lack of self-respect. You said it yourself - you are scared she will break up with you. You are afraid of responsibility and refuse to make decisions for yourself, so you found a partner who will do all the work and make every decision for you.

Now, you're trying to make her out to be the bad person. Yes, she should accept you for who you are, but you should accept yourself, as well. Ultimately, you aren't fit to be in a relationship of any kind right now until you sort out your own issues.

~ Tee

jjwoodhull · Jun 5, 2009, 02:09 PM

She is mean and disrespectful. Why would you want to stay with her? Find someone who is deserving of you.

danni_sweetie · Jun 5, 2009, 02:28 PM

I think that she is being very controlling. She probably doesn't even realize that she is doing it though. I would have a talk with her and put it out in the open and tell her how you feel about the situation. I mean it's worth a try if you really want it to work. If it doesn't work and she keeps this up then I say forget it. Right now it is just shoes, the proper way to act, dress, what's next? Who you can and can not talk to? This is ridiculous. You need to stand up for you self and tell her what's really going on. If things don't change leave. You really shouldn't be worried about her breaking up with you. If she does it's her loss. And you will clearly be able to see that she just wanted a puppet not a partner to love.
The first thing you must know about love is you must love and respect yourself before you can be loved and respected yourself.

Danielle

makapuu · Jun 5, 2009, 02:38 PM

I guess I need to know why you want to be in this relationship. Your girlfriend sounds like she is the controlling type. If you resist her control, I she'd probably break up with you, and you'd have to take care of yourself.

mylife99 · Jun 5, 2009, 03:51 PM

Originally Posted by danni_sweetie

I think that she is being very controlling. She probably doesn't even realize that she is doing it though. I would have a talk with her and put it out in the open and tell her how you feel about the situation. I mean it's worth a try if you really want it to work. If it doesn't work and she keeps this up then I say forget it. Right now it is just shoes, the proper way to act, dress, what's next? Who you can and can not talk to? This is ridiculous. You need to stand up for you self and tell her what's really going on. If things don't change leave. You really shouldn't be worried about her breaking up with you. If she does it's her loss. And you will clearly be able to see that she just wanted a puppet not a partner to love.
the first thing you must know about love is you must love and respect your self before you can be loved and respected your self.

Danielle

Hey, thanks for the feedback. I have tried to stand up for myself and go against her but she just gets mad at me. And your right, what is next? I am guessing this situation will just get worse? I was hopeing it would get better and she would be the girl I fell for at the start of the relationship. I am guessing her true colors are now showing. I am glad that others think this kind of behaviour is not normal. Its hard to see when your in the middle, and the control starts so slow. Its almost like they mess with your mind to make you think your not good enough.

danni_sweetie · Jun 5, 2009, 05:09 PM

Trust me I know about feeling that your not good enough. I myself am going through a breakup and I can tell you that is not a healthy relationship at all. That alone should tell you that you owe it to yourself to end this before it gets out of hand and yourself image becomes unhealthy. Been there done that. Hang in there you will find a girl that will appreciate you for you and not want to change you. That's real love.

Best wishes!
Danielle

mylife99 · Jun 5, 2009, 05:19 PM

Hey, sorry to hear that you are also going through a hard time. I guess time heals all wounds they say, but its just hard when your it it to feel that what. If you have any questions for me maybe I can help. I think I am just having trouble realizing that the things my girl did to me, like telling me to eat properly all the time and to buy new shoes messed with my head. I start to wonder if it was all right for her to say thoes things. You would think that if someone really liked you, those things wouldn't matter? I ate the same way for our first date, and wore the same shoes. I think its about control? Is this a personaility she will have for life?

mudweiser · Jun 5, 2009, 05:47 PM

Looks like she's trying to make you into someone else.

If you still want to be with her. Put your foot down and tell her that you don't like it. Be straightforward and honest.

If you dislike it and start to think this relationship is more than over than let her know.

I say nip it in the bud. A girl like that usually has some issues.

Sarah

danni_sweetie · Jun 5, 2009, 05:54 PM

To be honest I use to be like this. My previous ex before the guy I just broke up with treated me like his mom. So weirdly I started acting like it. But it came down to this my family expected so much of me that their expectations for the guy I was with was unobtainable. So knowing I wouldn't find that guy I tried to force my ex into being~hat guy. Yes I picked out his clothes told him when to shave how to act eat you name it. But it was because I felt like I always had to watch everything I did. Never the less if I was feeling that way I should have never been in that situation to begin with. People can change I did. However if I run into that ex again it starts all over again. So sorry to say she may change but not with you. See I didn't change with nick cause I knew I could walk all over him. I knew?t was wrong but it was too easy. I hated being unequal to him and felt like his mom. When I got a new guy who stood up to me I changed. I felt equal finally.

mylife99 · Jun 5, 2009, 06:13 PM

Originally Posted by danni_sweetie

To be honest I use to be like this. My previous ex before the guy I just broke up with treated me like his mom. So weirdly I started acting like it. But it came down to this my family expected so much of me that their expectations for the guy I was with was unobtainable. So knowing I wouldn't find that guy I tried to force my ex into being~hat guy. Yes I picked out his clothes told him when to shave how to act eat you name it. But it was because I felt like I always had to watch everything I did. Never the less if I was feeling that way I should have never been in that situation to begin with. People can change I did. However if I run into that ex again it starts all over again. So sorry to say she may change but not with you. See I didn't change with nick cause I knew I could walk all over him. I knew?t was wrong but it was too easy. I hated being unequal to him and felt like his mom. When I got a new guy who stood up to me I changed. I felt equal finally.

Yeah but we get into fights all the time because I stand up and push back. I try going against her a lot, and all it does is make her mad. I don't think standing up to her is what she wants. Even a friend she use to go to high school with told my friend that she is a nice girl, but a bit of a control freak. And that is before I started to date her. Do u think her behaviour is consistent? She even treats her sister the same way.

mudweiser · Jun 5, 2009, 06:21 PM

Why would you want to be with someone that makes you feel inadequate?

Sarah

liz28 · Jun 5, 2009, 06:41 PM

Yes she is a control freak and what things done her way or no way. She won't change especially since she acts this way towards everyone so your best option is to leave.

You want a partner in life and a equal not someone who tells you want to do it, how to do it, and when to do it. Your not her child.

jjwoodhull · Jun 5, 2009, 06:46 PM

The things that she is doing are because of her issues. Not yours. If she is treating other people the same way, then that is about her. You are seeing more of her true personality than you did when you first started dating. This is who she is. If you don't like it, then you should move on - sooner rather than later.

talaniman · Jun 5, 2009, 08:58 PM

You have been punked. Take your balls, and leave! That simple.

mylife99 · Jun 5, 2009, 09:27 PM

Originally Posted by jjwoodhull

The things that she is doing are because of her issues. Not yours. If she is treating other people the same way, then that is about her. You are seeing more of her true personality than you did when you first started dating. This is who she is. If you don't like it, then you should move on - sooner rather than later.

Hey thanks for the feedback. I think I am going to end it. I think she was on her best behaviour the first few months we were dateing. I was hopeing the girl I fell for would come back. Guess this is just her personality. You said she won't change? Does this mean she will be like this for life? I am guessing she will be.

mudweiser · Jun 5, 2009, 09:33 PM

That's great that you've made the decision to move on.

You never know, she may change over time and after what life throws at her. Or she may remain the same, believe it or not some people like to be bossed around and told what to do- so she just may be the right person for someone else.

Good luck.

Sarah

Gemini54 · Jun 6, 2009, 12:02 AM

Originally Posted by mylife99

Hey thanks for the feedback. I think i am going to end it. I think she was on her best behaviour the first few months we were dateing. I was hopeing the girl I fell for would come back. Guess this is just her personality. You said she wont change? Does this mean she will be like this for life? I am guessing she will be.

Yep. She'll be like that for life unless she gets a wake up call. You've seen what she's like and you don't like it, hopefully other guys won't as well, and she'll have to do some self reflection. Some of us only learn the hard way.

mylife99 · Jun 6, 2009, 10:30 AM

Originally Posted by mudweiser

That's great that you've made the decision to move on.

You never know, she may change over time and after what life throws at her. Or she may remain the same, believe it or not some people like to be bossed around and told what to do- so she just may be the right person for someone else.

Good luck.

Sarah

Ok so last night I had a talk with her, and told her how I didn't like being treated like that. Before I had the chance to talk more about it she ended it! She said she wants to be friends. I left her place and it seemed to be OK. I later sent her an email telling her exactly how she treated me, and how I didn't deserve to be treated like that. After she read the email she texted me " After reading that email I dont think we can be friends" It wasn't a bad email it was just the truth. Its almost like she doesn't even think she was out of place. And still thinks she has the control. What should I do? I never responded back.

mylife99 · Jun 6, 2009, 10:31 AM

Originally Posted by Gemini54

Yep. She'll be like that for life unless she gets a wake up call. You've seen what she's like and you don't like it, hopefully other guys won't as well, and she'll have to do some self reflection. Some of us only learn the hard way.

Ok so last night I had a talk with her, and told her how I didn't like being treated like that. Before I had the chance to talk more about it she ended it! She said she wants to be friends. I left her place and it seemed to be OK. I later sent her an email telling her exactly how she treated me, and how I didn't deserve to be treated like that. After she read the email she texted me " After reading that email I dont think we can be friends" It wasn't a bad email it was just the truth. Its almost like she doesn't even think she was out of place. And still thinks she has the control. What should I do? I never responded back.