[cazeal]

I have a difficult situation going on with my second marriage of 6 years. I thought I trusted him in the beginning I even made a new life in his country, I left my 3 adult children, my 3 adorable dogs that are (now deceased) and my husband of 28 years and the country that I loved, to be with this other man, I now feel I did the wrong thing in leaving.
It all started when I got up early one morning and he didn't hear me, I saw he was looking at half naked girls on web site but it was the way he was sitting in his chair while looking at one girl he had on his screen it made me feel uncomfortable, I was offended since we were still new in our relationship he laughed at me and asked me if I minded and I said I did mind. I even found nude pictures on a lap top that we both used in a hidden file, he denied he copied them telling me they down load themselves so I know he lies. He also down loaded an e-book as I saw it on our visa bill, when I found out what the book was I realized I don't know him nor do I care to, since he regards himself as a good, loyal and honest man and now I don't think I know him at all, We don't have a good sex life anymore it is just over quickly when he wants and I feel he is thinking of someone else since it happens mainly when he goes out for a walk in the evening by himself. He goes where he knows the girls will be out running and he doesn't come home for over 2 hours. I won't undress or shower while he is around like we used to as I know I am not what he would desire due to his actions on looking at other women and he does flirt with them even when I am with him, mainly by running me down and making me look stupid. I don't know what to do as I feel now I don't love him, I feel uncomfortable when he is with me and even if I go for a walk with him I don't feel happy since I know he is looking at other women all the time, even while driving he can't help but look and almost causes accidents. I don't like going anywhere with him nor trust him on the internet. I know men are all much alike, but I don't feel I am cared for or loved like I can be, I feel he regrets not marrying someone a lot lot younger. I has told him that too.

[I wish]

It sounds like you won't really be able to change his behavior, because that's who he is. You've got two choices:

1) Accept the way he is and continue

2) Get a divorce and move back to your country to be with your children.

You don't HAVE to be with someone.

[SailorMark]

I guess there is no easy way to answer this question that won't hurt your feelings. You said you left behind a husband of 28 years to be with this guy. You were unfaithful, and now your new man is showing signs of being unfaithful and you have a problem with it. The grass isn't always greener on the other side and you are finding out the hard way. I can't condone what he is doing but at the same time I compare it to what you have done and think maybe you are being a little too hypocritical. You are not going to be happy in this relationship from now on and its time to cut your losses. In my not so experienced opinion in these matters I think you are better off back home and away from this guy for both your sakes. Let him be free to live the lifestyle he dreams of without also endangering you with incurable STDs. You didn't say if he was also previously divorced but I am making the assumption that he is and this is a normal pattern for him.

[AnaisDeBeauvoir]

(((Hugs))) There are a lot of things that be worked out and worked through. When someone makes you feel bad about yourself, perhaps it is time to move on. You have to be comfortable with who you are, and don't let ANYONE (not even your husband) take that away from you. Your husband's behavior has nothing to do with you. Please realize that. You could be younger, and thinner, and sexier, and he would still carry on this way. Decide if you can live with this. If not get your hips back home and be at peace. There is nothing more rare and more precious than peace of mind. Big love to you.

[Gemini54]

It's really hard isn't it when we take a risk and it doesn't turn out the way we hoped?

From what you describe his behavior is sleazy and belittling of you. It sounds as if he lives in a sexual fantasy world that excludes you and makes you feel dirty.

I think that I Wish makes a good point - but perhaps there is another choice apart from accepting or leaving. You can confront him and ask him to deal with his behavior. If your marriage is important to him then he may be prepared to change. If, on the other hand, this behavior is ingrained and part of his sexual repertoire, then I suspect he will be unwilling to make any compromises.

You must decide what you want to do, and then follow through. Don't stay in unhappiness, life is too short.

[trmpldonagn]

You basically answered your own question if you re-read what you wrote.

I don't know if it's fair to say that all men are really much alike. They can say the same thing about us. But it is rude to look the way he is looking while you are there with him. Even when you're not there. If you two are together, it's just common courtesy not to be so rude and disrespectful. You save that stuff for when you're with the guys but to be honest, I wouldn't want to be with someone knowing that he's like that whether I'm around or not. So again, you answered your own question. You don't really love him and you're not happy. From what it sounds like it sure doesn't seem like he'll change.
Not for anything, I know your kids are grown and all and can probably take care of themselves but I personally would have taken my pets with me unless they also belonged to your children. No man will ever come before my pets.

Just curious. What was his response when you told him that you believe he wishes that he married a younger woman? Also, have you told him about all of these feelings and thoughts you are having? Just want to make sure it's not partly your own insecurity and please take no offense to that. It's tough sometimes to translate through posts. I wonder if he knew how you felt or that you were considering leaving if would he go to therapy or want to try and work things out with you. Best of luck to you.

[jmjoseph]

People that will cheat WITH you, will cheat ON you. Regardless, you don't deserve to be dis-respected. There's no one in the world that would separate me from my children, however. Understand that pornography is an addiction, and hard to break. Like most addictions, it grows. So you can look forward to things probably getting worse. Do you like your new country? If not, go home. GOD bless you , don't give up , go see your children , set things right. We all make mistakes.

[talaniman]

Why did you leave your first marriage? Was there cheating, or did you just jump from one guy to another??

Oft times we think we can be happy by changing partners, but we find we need to change our attitude about ourselves first.