[dudevill]

Ok, I've been 'dating' this girl for about a week and a half but I've known her for over 3 years now. Things were going great until last night when she told me that she doesn't think she can be with me anymore. She always tells me how much she wants me and how much she cares about me and now suddenly this. I don't know what to do as all I got out of what she was saying is that she wanted to break up because of some personal issues/personal conflicts with her father and how she hates him.. It all seemed really confusing to me and I tried to talk to her to find out what was going on and she just said, please, I can't do this anymore. I found out later from an outside source (Friend) that she was hanging out with her ex boyfriend last night, possibly.

I have no idea what to do, should I allow this break up to happen, or should I just accept that she doesn't really care about me and just move on?

[chuff]

What a lame excuse to break up. Seriously, might be the worst I've ever heard. I hate my dad, so I'm breaking up with you. Wow, talk about stupid. Of course you can't ask about it because it's personal... and the more you ask the more stupid it will sound when she lies even more to cover up the previous lies.

I say, be THRILLED you only spent a week and half with this one and she went running back to someone that can put up with the lies. I wouldn't even remain friends with her. She's proven she can't be trusted.

[I wish]

Her excuse is about her dad, but in reality, she had a change of heart.

Furthermore, if she's actually hanging out with her ex, you should be glad that she broke up with you, cause at least she's not leading you on and giving you false hope.

You can do better, you had your good times with her, now it's time to move on.

[Fr_Chuck]

So at a week and 1/2 dating she decides you are not the one, that is what dating is all about, deciding if you want to keep dating or not.

"allow the break up to happen"?? You can't really stop it if she wants to break up

[dudevill]

What a lame excuse to break up. Seriously, might be the worst I've ever heard. I hate my dad, so I'm breaking up with you. Wow, talk about stupid. Of course you can't ask about it because it's personal....and the more you ask the more stupid it will sound when she lies even more to cover up the previous lies.

I say, be THRILLED you only spent a week and half with this one and she went running back to someone that can put up with the lies. I wouldn't even remain friends with her. She's proven she can't be trusted.

Thanksfor the tip, I don't know, she's kind of dramatic and we've had a complicated relationship for the longest time. I'm crazy about her and I talked to her ex this morning because he's a good friend of mine. He says that they just caught up and talked for a bit because he just got home from college the other day. I trust that they didn't do anything, but I just don't get what the problem is all of a sudden. She has a lot of personal and family issues that I kind of know about but she's very hesitant to talk about things like that and she tells me she doesn't want to lose me yet she pushes me away so suddenly.

[chuff]

Thanksfor the tip,

Not a problem.

I don't know, she's kind of dramatic

Oh I know. It' obvious given what little you said.

and we've had a complicated relationship for the longest time.

But it's not complicated. You feel like if you hold on long enough and show her "the light" she'll come around and realize the perfect guy is right in front of her. You have a desire to continue to prove yourself to her, showing her that she can have everything she wants with you.

The problem with that is, women don't come around to a guy that has to try so hard. They want to work for the guy and be the challenge. You are not that challenge right now, you are the guy she is a friend with and wants to stay friends with.

I'm crazy about her

I know. It sucks when she's not into you like you are her, but can not keep chasing someone who doesn't respect you. If you let a woman disrespect you, which she has already done, the more you chase her the more she will disrespect you.

and I talked to her ex this morning because hes a good friend of mine. He says that they just caught up and talked for a bit because he just got home from college the other day. I trust that they didnt do anything,

Okay, so they didn't do anything. She still has hestiations about you.

but I just don't get what the problem is all of a sudden.

It's been a week and half? That's not really all of a sudden.

She has a lot of personal and family issues that I kind of know about but shes very hesitant to talk about things like that

Those are her problems. Those are not your problems. Do not assume her problems.

and she tells me she doesnt want to lose me yet she pushes me away so suddenly.

She wants the friend, not the lover. She had the friend for 3 years. She had the boyfriend for 10 days. She's going with what she knows.

[Brandy227]

I say forget about her and move on. A week is not a long time to be in a relationship and if she can't count on you to be there for her when she has problems then it will never work anyway. Get out before you get to invovled and then you will get really hurt.

Brandy227

[dudevill]

Thanks for all the advice. It's just a little messed up, but this is the second time we've been together and broken it off like this, I don't know I guess its just not meant to be.

[Brandy227]

No problem, its not meant to be but something better will come along. Trust me as an experienced person, life does go on and everything truly does happen for a reason. Take it easy and everything will be fine.

[dudevill]

Threads merged


What does it mean when a girl tells you she needs some space?
My girl has been dealing with some family issues and was upset last night, telling me 'she can't do this' (Date). But she tells me I'm not losing her, she just needs some space.
I don't get it, and I don't know what to do about it.

[kctiger]

When someone says that, give them space and continue living your life. Usually it means that the relationship isn't a real priority in that particular person's life anymore.

Do what she asked and don't let it detour you from experiencing things in your life.

[talaniman]

Chalk it up and let it go. She obviously doesn't place you or the relationship as a priority.

[dudevill]

Threads merged and edited.


We had been hanging out 2-4 times a week, but now she says we should only hang out like once a week and she thinks things are getting too intense between us and she doesn't know how she feels. She says she doesn't know what she wants anymore. I just don't know what to do. I've been giving her space the past couple of days and only talked to her today briefly at school. I just want to know if it's time to move on, or if she really means what she says and she just needs a little bit of time...

[N0help4u]

It sounds like she has her guard up and wants to be totally assured that you will stick with her before she lets her guard down.

When she says you aren't specific tell her that since she doesn't consider you her boyfriend then you don't feel that being specific with your feelings is the way to go yet until you know she is more into the relationship.
If you really love her maybe you should see it through to where it goes. She sounds like she is afraid to trust her feelings or afraid to trust a relationship can last for her.

[I wish]

I think that you guys were too much of a friends with benefits. If you really like her, then give her the time and space and when the time comes, show her that you are serious. If she doesn't feel the same way, then move on.

But if you don't really see any potential with her, then move on now.

You got to figure out how much you like this girl. So this time apart is also good for you.

[dudevill]

I did get the feeling it was a friends with benefits thing, and I didn't like it. We kept talking about how we are 'friends', and now we haven't been spending much time together, but we have been talking a little bit. She doesn't text/call me anymore though...
I do like her a lot, but I agree that I should give it some time and find out how things work out.

I'm just really confused about why she is acting like this...

[talaniman]

I'm just really confused about why she is acting like this...

She acts like she does because she isn't that into you, so why are you still trying to force her into something that you want but she doesn't?

You really do need to stop beating this dead horse, and asking the same questions over and over, because the answers won't change.

You sure got sprung good in a couple of weeks didn't you?

[N0help4u]

Also she may feel like you crossed the line and now she is confused because she likes you as a friend but now its different and she doesn't feel comfortable.
You need to step back to square one and not push her for anything more than you are there for her as a friend nothing more.

[chuff]

Hate to sound generic, but things are really complicated.

Your emotions are cloudy and you don't want to admit the truth to yourself, but things are in no way complicated. You had a fling for week, you fell hard and she either got cold feet or just needed someone for the short term to use. You can do better then this situation and her. I'd bet she was the first girl to come along in a while that showed some interest which is why you fell so hard so quick. Instead of focusing on her, focus on the fact that you have proven you can get a girl interested in you and then focus on the 3 billion other ones out there.

On a way off topic, do you know where White Bear Lake (St. Paul suburb) is? Yours truly is a former resident there.

[dudevill]

You guys are right. Thanks for all of the advice. I've been feeling a lot better the past couple of days that we've been spending time apart. I was pretty down before, but I think now I'm able to get ahold of myself and move on. Thanks again.