[Lianne20]

Hi everyone,

Ok, I found out recently from my mum that my 18 year old brother is gay. Im absolutely totally fine with this! Unlike my dad who has taken to calling him a "queer b*****d" whenever they argue (my dad is not a nice person; very violent and abusive).

Well anyway, my brother has obviously confided in my mum because he trusts her. But he hasn't told me yet. Now, I really don't mind this, he can tell me whenever he wants. But I was just wondering, would it be best for me to perhaps approach him first and tell him that I know, and it doesn't make any difference to how I feel about him? Or just let him tell me in his own time?

Thanks! :o

[Fr_Chuck]

Well how much of a secret is it, if your dad is calling him a queer b... d when they argue

I guess for your brother he just assumes you know and did not need to discuss it. Do you ask him about his brown or blue eyes, or why he has a mole on his back? No, you just treat him like you always did and why should it be even an issue of discussion ?

[kp2171]

I agree that he probably assumes you know, since your father is throwing the noise around like that.

Do what you want. I don't think telling him you know, you're supportive of him, and you'd be willing to talk about it if he wants to is unreasonable.

[CaptainForest]

I agree with the others.

If he just confided with Mom, how does Dad know?

He probably assumes you already know. If you want to bring it up to him just to clear the air, then go for it.

And I hope your Mom isn't still with your “very violent and abusive” Dad.

[s_cianci]

Let him tell you in his own time.

[kepi]

How do you approach him? Like he's your brother. Whether he is gay, transgender, trisexual, or straight, in the end, he's your brother- that's all that should matter.

[vlee]

If you feel your brother expects you know, say something. If you want to wait for him to face you, be patient. But if you accept him for who he is and are not telling him simply because you don't know how to approach him, find a way. I am glad you are supportive, I'm sure that will mean a lot to him, and at the end of the day he is the same brother you have known and loved for 18 years. Good luck.

[Lillian42]

I would go to him tell him that you love him no matter what he does and that you will always stand beside him no matter what he needs to know that you are on his side he might not want to tell you because he is afraid how you will act since your father is so small and narrow minded!

[lacuran8626]

I think that it's best to be honest and open whenever possible as long as the intention is positive and caring. I have had many gay male friends over the years who have gone through terrible periods of depression following rejection by their families after coming out.

Plan something with him - pie and coffee, or whatever and tell him something like, "well, you know secrets don't last long in our family and of course, I heard that you confided in Mom and Dad that you are gay. It didn't feel honest to act like I didn't know. So, I just want to tell you that I love and respect you, and I'm proud that you had the strength to come forward. You can be yourself around me and I'm here if you want to talk."

[kepi]

Just be there for him. The rate of Lesbian/Gay/Bisexual/Transsexual people committing suicide is HUGE. Be there forn your brother. Don't let him become one more.

[EnglishRose]

If it isn't common knowledge start a light hearted conversation about someone on t.v. who's gay or make up a story about a mate who's bro is gay and say 'you know I wouldn't care if you were gay don't you' then change the subject. This will be enough to give him the chance to open up to you if he needs to and let him know you support him

[americanstud]

How do you approach your gay brother?

My suggetion would be from behind...