[tobefree]

hey everyone,
two months before I went into the korean army, I met the girl of my life...
I'm 25 yrs old, and I never pursued a girl ever before, but the first time I spent time with her, I told her I was going to marry her... it all started like a movie and pursued her like crasy and she recriprocated. She, herself has never had a boyfriend, and even though she had her doubts and knew I was heading into the army, we eventually fell in love... and she said she would wait for the two years service, I don't know if you all know, but the korean army is unlike the U.S, and once your in you only have set amount of vacation days(around five times, each one being a week or so, so it's like prison...
future plans, the whole bit. It was like a dream come true
well, then I went into the army with high hopes and she parted with me both of us having a vision that we would become more awesome for each other
boot camp was amazing, letters were sent back and forth, but once I got dispatched, the place was a jail cell and I got really insecure... my superiors kept telling she would break up with me 'cause that's what happened to all of them... well, my first vacation in 100 days was awesome, seeing her and catching up, but the army began to change me, and, even though my love for her kept growing, I found myself becoming more insecure... the next vacation, after several months, I found myeslf acting distant to her because I thought she didn't love me as much as I loved her... which is totally untrue... I said some mean things... when I came back in I realized how wrong I was and began to say sorry and tell her why I had acted in that way... well basically I became so messed up and so dependent on her, she broke up with me, wanted me to stay friends, but I couldn't, and now if I call she'll just say it's over, doesn't matter, and hang up... basically I can't get over the fact that this break up happened because I made a situation out of nothing... she was trusting in me, always showing her love, but I became weird in the army... how do I forget that from my past..? She was the perfect girl and I still love her... and I messed it up... I need to forget... and be independent
want to say thanks for the people in advance who read my lengthy story=)

[Krs]

Are you back home now?

[tobefree]

Nah I'm still in, got a year left

[Breagha]

Hi!

*sigh* Long distance relationships...

I have been writing on this forum like crazy tonight. I think your situation, however, sounds quite familiar.

First of all, feel accomplished for making it for as long as you did. A few weeks ago I had all the optimism in the world in regards to long distance relationships, but sometimes you have to face the facts.

My boyfriend broke off a long distance relationship last week. He was the first guy I ever loved and I thought he was pretty happy. He moved halfway across the country for graduate school. I have two more years until I graduate from undergraduate school and well, two years didn't seem like such a big deal. We lasted about sixty days (so you see why I applaud all the time things worked for you). He couldn't even wait until Thanksgiving.

Anyway, when you really think about it two years is an extremely long amount of time. People CHANGE in two years. Experiences change people. Other people change people. Even if you guys got back together it would never be as blissful as when you first got things going. And if you did there would be all that rebuilding of the relationship.

I know what you mean about about wondering what she was doing while you were away. I cannot tell you how many times people told me that my boyfriend was probably cheating on me. When I asked them why they thought that they said BECAUSE that is how it works. Oh really? So I listened to their incessant nagging and I became insecure and bugged my boyfriend far too much. He had his own stresses to deal with and I was only adding to them by asking him who such and such was and things along those lines. I don't know why I was so shocked when he told me it wasn't working for him.

Now I am trying to move on and I suggest you do the same. Even if you still love her, you should move on as well. You probably can't even look at another woman right now, right? Well think of it this way (as I think of it). She said things are over. She's probably already moved on. It is unfair to torture yourself with what might be. I made plans too. But you have to let them go. You have to BOTH want things to work equally in a long distance relationship. Holding on to hope that things will work out eventually will only keep you from moving on and finding someone who will really love you not matter what little flaws and insecurities you may have.

Its probably not what you want to hear. I understand that. I wish I could tell you to go for it, but what would that accomplish? Find someone closer. People keep telling me that there are 9,000 men on campus. Not one of them will do right now 'cause they're not my ex. There are women all over there as well :)

Sorry this message is so long. I was just in your position and am finally letting go (well that may be a slight lie). Once you accept you can begin to move on! OH. And whatever you do, cut the contact with your ex. Don't drag things out!

[Krs]

nah i'm still in, got a year left

Ive been a long distance relationship myself. We were in separate countries for just over a year.
They are just so hard.
The way to get by is by trust and compassion and communcation.
If either party is not giving a 100% of my pointers above then its almost pointless in carrying on.
I can understand how hurt and confused you are because you feel you are not there looking at her in the eyes whilst talking about these issues.

Im now married to the guy, we been together for 8 years.
We got the far only because we put all and all the effort into this relationship together as a couple even thou we were miles apart for that year which was the hardest year for us.

What do u seriously want to do?

[Wildcat21]

Personally - I'd rather blow my brains out than be in a long distance relationship - I don't plan to ever blow my brians out. Way too hard. No trust.

I could have been in one recently - great gal - gorgeous - just couldn't do it. No way.

[BIM]

Personally - I'd rather blow my brains out than be in a long distance realtionship - I don't plan to ever blow my brians out. Way too hard.

Cat you absolutely crack me up! :p Too funny! Anyway long distance relatiionships cannot work. Hell, most relationships can't work when you live in the same town for that matter. :D

[talaniman]

Best to serve out your time and pick up the pieces and get a new life.

[Wildcat21]

I agree with Tal.