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takenback · Apr 19, 2009, 10:33 PM

I have a boyfriend who has a really bad past. My parents hate him also.
To get down to the point he needs me all the time to take him to work, pick him up from work, to the store,and sometimes I have to pay for things he needs. I don't mind helping my boyfriend, but this is just out of control. He drinks all the time and gets high to. I'm not to sure of what to do. I want to break up with him but at that he may lose his job, because I'm not able to take him to work. I feel like I'm watching a child. What do I say or do?:confused:

jaerochelle · Apr 19, 2009, 11:02 PM

I think you should tell him to try and help himself, if you wonna break up... go ahead, it is not your responsibility to get him to and from work

Silverfoxkit · Apr 19, 2009, 11:24 PM

His life and problems are not your burden to bare and you should not let yourself feel obligated to this guy. He is only going to drag you down and will not learn to stand on his own feet if he has someone else to carry his weight for him. Since you are unhappy in this relationship it is for the best for both of you that you brake it off. Yes it may be tough on him but life is tough and he's going to have to learn the meaning of responsibility. He needs to face reality instead of hiding behind you.

I wish · Apr 20, 2009, 06:19 AM

Break up. He's not your responsibility. He's an adult and he should be able to handle yourself.

There is absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty. You should not be stuck in a loveless relationship. You are acting like his mom, but you're not.

Again, break up and let him figure it out.

artlady · Apr 20, 2009, 06:27 AM

A relationship based on you always doing for him while he gets drunk and stoned is a one sided relationship.

All you are doing is enabling him to not take care of his own problems.He will continue this way until he runs out of people who he can use.

A good relationship is a 50/50 deal.

Tell him he has to make other transportation arrangements.Give him a little time to save up for the bus and then the ball is in his court.If he is serious about his job,he will find a way to get there.

Sometimes the best love we can give someone is tough love.I think that is what he needs right now or he will never grow up.

liz28 · Apr 20, 2009, 06:37 AM

He needs to learn how to be a man but he is not going to as long as he has someone doing all the things he should.

If he can find a way to high and drunk he can find a way to get to work.

Never stay with someone out of pity.

annybaby84 · Apr 22, 2009, 02:02 AM

If you're asking the question, "is he really worth it?" You have already have doubt in your mind... and you should probably know the answer by answering yourself...

nitelight198073 · Apr 22, 2009, 07:07 AM

I think he is using you, don't let it happen and when has he been there for you

Jake2008 · Apr 22, 2009, 07:18 AM

I am curious as to why everybody hates him. Is it because he treats other people the same way he treats you?

While something is keeping you there, you must realize that you do have control over what you will, and will not, accept.

Set some boundaries and expectations. One of the expectations being that he attend counselling or a 12 step program to deal with his substance issues. That may be a major part of his lack of energy, money problems, and relationship issues.

450donn · Apr 22, 2009, 08:27 AM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

I am curious as to why everybody hates him. Is it because he treats other people the same way he treats you?

While something is keeping you there, you must realize that you do have control over what you will, and will not, accept.

Set some boundaries and expectations. One of the expectations being that he attend counselling or a 12 step program to deal with his substance issues. That may be a major part of his lack of energy, money problems, and relationship issues.

Sorry, I don't see it! He drinks and does drugs of some sort. He is a looser and she needs to dump him in a New York minute. Yes, he needs help, but unless and until he understands that he needs help and is willing to get it, no one is going to be able to help him. There are way too many people out there in the dating world that are not carrying these sorts of baggage, why stay with one that has so much?

Jake2008 · Apr 22, 2009, 10:49 AM

Originally Posted by 450donn

Sorry, I don't see it! He drinks and does drugs of some sort. He is a looser and she needs to dump him in a new york minute. Yes, he needs help, but unless and until he understands that he needs help and is willing to get it, no one is going to be able to help him. There are way too many people out there in the dating world that are not carrying these sorts of baggage, why stay with one that has so much?

Well, two things I was getting at. One is, is she the only one that has had trouble with him, in other words, has this been an ongoing problem for years? If, in other words, people before her have tried to help him, and failed, then that should be a warning signal and a red flag.

The other thing I was getting at was setting boundaries and expectations. And see if he is willing and capable of making changes in his life. Many people do when faced with the alternative of a failed relationship, and do change. It also gives her incentive to be prepared, if he makes no effort, to move on.