[Elaine9876]

My husband has been on and off drugs for the past 8 yrs. Now he's on them and it's everyday. He goes out and will stay gone for 7 or 8 hours until he comes home with nothing. He has already pawned almost everything he has of value(his tools he works with). Yet he still only thinks about more and more crack. I have asked him to leave over and over again and either he tells me flat out no or he starts talking about killing himself. I have three small children and I try not to let them know what is going on but if he's not here they want to know where daddy is or they want to know why I am making daddy leave. How could I possibly explain why he killed himself. Some days he seems fine until he starts craving crack and then it's a whole different story. He forgets everything and dosen't care about the kids, the bills, nothing! I don't know what to do. We own our house and I don't want to leave-this is my house and the kids. Besides he wouldn't take care of it - he would just sell everything. How do I get him to leave without killing himself and without me looking like the bad person to our kids?

[redhed35]

Hey,I've been through this one.I know where you are,with my ex it was herion.he would stay clean for a while and then start scoring again,he would upend our lives every few weeks,and honestly I thought I would never get out,I hid everything from my parents,the kids,I didn't have friends because I was not allowed! he tried to hang himself with the iron,he opened the car door and jumped out of the car,the bloody man would not die!

In the end,and I had suffered enough,I told my parents,I contacted old friends and I told the guards (cops) I was afraid,and I wanted him out,and that I needed help. Addicts are great actors,they are masters at keeping secerts.telling people was hard,I was ashamed I had let this happen and hid it. The kids didn't understand at the time,there older now and do understand,at the time I said he was sick and going to get some help.. I did finally get him out but it was rough,and for months,yes months afterwards he hounded me,I stayed strong,he got help,but I have not heard from him in 2 years.
You can do this. It will be hard,but think about the day when you won't have to worry what's going to happen today.
I think of my ex now like the rollor coaster in the 'saw' movie, and when I think of what he put me through,I honestly can't believe I survived it. But I did,and so can you,and you and your kids can be happy,and feel safe.

Get people to help you.

[N0help4u]

When he says if you leave I will kill myself ask him why he feels that would be the better solution than turning his life around and making things work. Do not let him guilt you into staying with him that is the worst thing you can do.
If possible, if he won't leave you just might have to pack your bags and take the kids and leave him.
I left my husband for two nights and took my kids to a shelter because I was so fed up with him.
If you go to a shelter find help to stay away or help to make him leave. Give him an ultimatium that he goes and gets help and stays off the crack or don't come back. Often it is better to move than go back home when possible because the guy always sees the place as his and goes back--sometimes very violently That is one reason why women do not feel a Protection From Abuse order is worth the paper it is written on.

[redhed35]

Hey,this is a complix relationship,supported by the lady in question loving a man she can't help.
Addictions take over,addicts when using have one thought,where is the next hit coming from.
She is his link to the 'real world'. He loves her,and the kids,I've no doubt,but when that craving hits,no cop,no man,no woman will stop him from getting a hit,a dealer is first thought,and a hit to feel normal.

[Elaine9876]

I do love my husband-I am just tired of the situation that he puts us in. He says that he wants to get help. I have been trying to get him into a rehab, but the ones I have checked so far either require cash payments(understandable) or insurance. I don't have either. I don't know - I have heard so many stories that drug addicts go into treatment centers and complete the programs and then go right back to using drugs. I don't want to sound nieve-but isn't there help out there that actually works? Or is getting him to leave the only option?

[Fr_Chuck]

You may love him, but he has stopped loving you long ago, he sold his body and soul to the drugs.

You leave him, or get him kicked out of the house if you can.

But perosnally I would be gone before he came back, his death threats are merely controlling methods, he would just go out on a longer binge,

He uses you to support his usage now, a place to sleep it off and eat sometimes, maybe some sex, if he is not getting that where the drugs are also.

[lilbay]

Sadly I must agree with Father Chuck.
What you need to do is get some money together and be prepared to take a stand and stay with that stand.
Take your kids and I am unsure how old your kids are but you tell them as much of the truth as you can that they will understand.
You let them know that Daddy is dealing with some issues and hopefully in time he will get them under control and will come back and be healthy again and be there in your lives again. Let them know that he loves them but that he really needs to stay a way a bit and get better.

You leave him a note that You love him but you no longer like who has become. Let him know that the threats of killing himself are not going to work because in all honesty he has been killing himself all this time and that you already know that eventually at the rate he is going well he will be dead. Let him know you are sick of living this life You are sick of explaining to the kids why Daddy is not there and that you are tired of living a life with him addicted and that until he gets help and gets some clean time (MONTHS) under his belt you will NOT be seeing him.

As far as help that is not too costly Thankfully Crack is not like heroin and so he has no serious withdrawals that are physical except maybe some diarrhea and lack of appetite. So all he needs to do is find some groups and find the WILL in him to want to quit and possibly some good therapy.
Are you in the states? If so most Health departments offer drug treatment on a sliding scale meaning it goes by your income. If he has none than he will not need to pay anything
IF he is not working and you are and you two live together they will if you are married come to you for the money.
He can get help all he has to do is want it and reach for it.
Believe me I know crack is a heck of a drug to kick but it can be kicked and there will be times when he will crave and possibly relapse the 3rd month the 6th month are both real tough times
Also he needs to cut all times with anyone who got high with him or who sold it to him.
Most important though is you stick with your choice and do NOT give in.
You can not continue with your life like this your kids are important.
I am by the way speaking from the stand point of a recovering addict. I lost my man because I did not care enough to get clean until it was too late. I really kicked my own butt for that for years. But I am clean and am Glad that I am clean now. It took me a couple tries but I finally go it as I said though there is help out there for folks with limited funds Not a lot but there are some.
Stay strong this may be the thing that helps push him to get help or sadly it may not but it will need to be done because in all honesty he is not going to change if he does not hit his bottom. Losing his family can in fact be the bottom he needs to see he is messing up badly.

[N0help4u]

The addict does love you in his messed up perception of what love is but they are so lost on any real idea of love. Love is more of a security and your being there for them. They don't know how to be nor can be there for you. No matter how much they believe they love you they will drag you down without even trying. 99% of the addicts I know do go to rehab only to get cleaned out enough so that they can get out and start again.
This place is suppose to be really good because they get the addicts system balanced, even their serotonin and other neurotransmitters, with the right vitamins so they no longer have the cravings or desires for drugs. I don't know anything about their costs

Arche Wellness Welcome To Arche Wellness

Also the herb kudzu is suppose to stop the craving for alcohol. I do not know if it works for drug addict as well.