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Kyoda_Rox · Apr 4, 2009, 10:02 PM

I'm just need someone to help me understand some of my boy friends tendencies.

My boy friend has intimacy issues. He doesn't like doing a lot of things, (using tongue when we kiss, oral on me, holding me right when we're having sex). He's also told me that he was sexually abused as a child, so I try not to pressure him into doing anything he doesn't want to do, even though I really enjoy them. Is there a way I can ask him to try them in a non-threatening way?

Also, when I ask him what he likes, he tells me he doesn't know. Like I said before, I am worried about doing something that will 'hurt' him, so I don't know how to go about figuring out what he likes. Again, what can I do?

And lastly, I'm becoming a little sexually frustrated because I haven't been able to orgasm with him. The sex feels wonderful, when it happens, (which is only on his schedule) but I can't orgasm with him. Partially because he is too big, and partially because, he's just not hitting the right spots for me, and I don't know how to tell him any of this. Oh goodness, I need help.

Synnen · Apr 4, 2009, 11:27 PM

Frankly... if you can't TALK about sex with someone, then you shouldn't be HAVING sex with that person.

Work on getting intimate with each other MENTALLY before you try to force getting intimate PHYSICALLY.

JoeMicro · Apr 4, 2009, 11:38 PM

Originally Posted by Kyoda_Rox

He's also told me that he was sexually abused as a child,

That calls for therapy

Aside from that, finding the right think that gets him excited and gentle guidance on your needs (ex. While having sex you could gently playfully guide his hand where you want it to be.) gentleness and a lot of love, will get you by.

liz28 · Apr 4, 2009, 11:50 PM

Maybe you need to guide him while the two of are having sex. Have fun by doing different positions that can help you reach an orgasm. Do you know what you like?

Also, you can talk to him regarding this matter in a non-threatening way. You jusg need to choose your words properly because what we say is all in our wording.

If you think his abuse is an issue, which it might be, then yes he might need counselling but he has to see it and wants it.

Agree Synnen is right, if you can't or is afraid to talk about sex with him then you shouldn't be having sex. If he unwilling to discuss it with you, especially telling you his dislike and likes, then your sex life with him is going stay the way it is until the two of you are capable of talking about it.