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Jason8676 · Apr 3, 2009, 07:30 PM

Hey!
As I was leaving for work today, I noticed something a bit peculiar. Sitting next to my car one parking space over in my condo's parking lot was a white trash bag full of God knows what. In the parking spot next to it was another white garbage bag with stuff in it. For some reason I thought it was all the stuff I have ever given my ex-girlfriend over the 11 years that we knew each other-so I looked closely at one of the bags as it was opaque and you could sort of see it's contents. I didn't notice anything that stuck out but I was tempted to open one of them just to see. I just left the bags sitting there. Why would somebody stick a full garbage bag in one entire parking spot and a full bag in another. And next to my car of all places-there are plenty of other parking spots. If it was my stuff and she really wanted to hack me off she could have just stuck it on the hood of my car or in front of my door. The good thing is that while I am somewhat disturbed by this, I'm still able to carry on business as usual-so I am healing nearly a year out from the last time I spoke to her. She shouldn't be mad at me, I tried to make things right last year and she just blew me off like it was nothing. Please tell me I am not going crazy-is this normal? Would it make sense for her to just give all my stuff back after all this time. I never asked for her to return it-they were gifts out of love and I left her alone completely after she rebuffed my attempt at a reconciliation last year. I'll understand if you all think I am going insane-just wanted to see what anyone thought of this that might have had something similar happen to them.
Thanks, Jason

liz28 · Apr 3, 2009, 07:49 PM

I think it was crazy because of how she did it but maybe she did it as some emotional closure for herself. Getting rid of the stuff is a release from you.

I would throw the stuff away and not look back because it's over anyway.

Jason8676 · Apr 3, 2009, 08:59 PM

Hey Liz28,
Agree 100% that getting rid of my stuff is a way for my ex to find closure. I got rid of a lot of the stuff my ex gave me but they went straight to the dumpster-I would have burnt them but I had to give my neighbors some consideration. I would never even think of leaving them at her door or near her car. As for those trash bags near my car, somebody else probably removed them by now as I am still at work and won't be home for several more hours. If it was my stuff-oh well. I won't lose sleep over it. The more I think of it the more I think of how immature she acted after I stopped talking to her(sending stupid texts and calling from "blocked" numbers). She's was only showing more immaturity and lack of class by returning my things the way she did. Thanks for your reply and take care...
Jason

inertia · Apr 4, 2009, 10:39 AM

I did this. I returned all of the gifts from the relationship. Maybe this will be insightful for you. I didn't want to burn them or throw them away. I gave them back to the ex. My reasoning was "you can have all of this back since I no longer have a need for it". In retrospect it seems like it may have been petty but it wasn't to me then. I felt like it was symbolic that I had kept such great care of "every gift" and she hadn't. I wanted her to see that as much as all of that meant to me in the relationship it had become too painful to keep it. I regret doing it but you can't go backwards.

liz28 · Apr 4, 2009, 11:10 AM

Yes, her way of returning the gifts wasn't very classy but hey what can you expect from an immature person (your words).

You already stated your not going losing any sleep behind and you already knows her behavior, so just get rid of it and again be happy she's out of your life.

oldenoughtoknow · Apr 4, 2009, 05:48 PM

So you didn't open the bags? So you are not definite it was your stuff? To me I would think it was odd but my first thought wouldn't be was it an ex returning gifts. I would question if you are truly over her.

Jason8676 · Apr 7, 2009, 07:09 PM

Hey!
Really appreciate the answers to my post. It turns out that stuff was not my ex-girlfriend's gifts but rather somebody being evicted from their condo. When I returned home from work there were five trash bags sitting in two parking spaces strung together by yellow "caution" tape. Somebody had already rummaged through them and it turned out to be child's books, clothing, food, etc.
I'll be quite honest, I am not over this girl even though it has been nearly a year since we last spoke(via text) and well over a year since seeing each other. I have avoided her at all costs but yet I am torn. Part of me wants her to come back and reconcile. Being with somebody for as long as I was with her, having a child, and being engaged is not something that I can easily just blow off. If our child was still alive, chances are we would have made up since avoiding each other would be nearly impossible. I'll admit that there are some things I did that contributed to the breakup, but I apologized and tried to make things right. She did her share to push me away as well. She obviously did not want to continue the relationship any further and there was nothing I could do to change her mind. She called over a month ago out of the blue without blocking her number, but I just let it ring. She never left a message and I'll probably never hear from her again. I'm moving on but it has been slow process.
Thanks again for the replies and take care everybody..
Jason

I wish · Apr 8, 2009, 06:16 AM

Originally Posted by oldenoughtoknow

So you didnt open the bags? So you are not definite it was your stuff? To me I would think it was odd but my first thought wouldnt be was it an ex returning gifts. I would question if you are truly over her.

I was thinking of this too. I found it odd that people were telling you that she is finding closure. You never even saw the contents of the bags. Make sure you get the answer before making assumptions.

This might sound harsh, but you seemed a bit paranoid. You're not completely healed yet. You're still thinking that her life revolves around you.

I wish · Apr 8, 2009, 08:01 PM

"Jason8676 agrees: I agree! I am not completely over her. Like I said it has been a slow process. She was the only serious love I have ever known up to this point and part of me still wishes she would wake up one day and realize what she lost."

I know this goes against the no contact and the healing, but if you think that there is a chance to get back together, did you consider telling her?

On the other hand, you'll have to be prepared that she doesn't feel the same way and you could get hurt all over again.

There is a reason you guys broke up. Are you ready to revisit that?

Jason8676 · Apr 8, 2009, 09:11 PM

I wish,
About a year ago(in May, 2008), I asked her point blank(via a text) if she wanted to talk and work things out. She just ignored it and sent a really pointless and retarded text message a week later which had absolutely nothing to do with making up. In response, I asked-"What do you want?" She never answered. At that I went all out No Contact. It took her a freaking month to text back and again she had nothing intelligent to say that merited a response. She was obviously in a new relationship because all her actions said from that point forward is, "Screw him, I'll just run everything into the mud. I've got a sure thing now. I'll just rub it in his face." She has called several times, blocking her number, leaving a stupid voice mail message in August, 2008 which again was just BS and had nothing to do with working anything out. She texted several times back in January from a new number, again nothing but nonsense. She actually called a week after Valentine's Day and she did not block her number on that attempt. A week later on March 1, I get a stupid call from a blocked number by somebody purporting to be Dr. Phil(the mental health guru) and hung up immediately recognizing that it was a load of BS. I concluded that it was my ex pulling a prank because you can download a soundboard off the net. I seriously doubt she wants to get back together and there is no point in seeing or talking to her ever again.
We broke up mainly due to my lack of attention to her-not calling her regularly or making the effort to visit her. In the last few months she was the one who visited as our work schedules conflicted a lot. I treated her well up until the time I found out she was unfaithful to me. Not only that , she cheated several more times after the initial episode. After that, I didn't feel the need to spoil her or go out of my way anymore. I had the mindset that she had to earn my trust and respect back and I started taking her for granted. I apologized for my part but like I said earlier, she really ran things in the mud by her actions over the past year and based on that, I have to let it be and move on. But, part of me wants her to come back-despite her unfaithful past. I really did love her at one time and there wasn't a thing I wouldn't do for her. The cheating is what caused me to be distant with her to begin with.
Jason

I wish · Apr 9, 2009, 06:30 AM

If she cheated on you, how can you still have feelings for this girl? She should be out of your mind by now. You definitely do not want her back because how would you know that she won't cheat again?

Seems like you still have some healing to do. Once you feel ready again, you should go out and meet new girls. Forget about her, don't even pick up her calls. If she calls with a blocked number, as soon as you realize it is her, be polite, tell her you are busy and hang up. You don't need this crap.

Jason8676 · Apr 9, 2009, 07:40 PM

I wish,
Totally agree that I have some healing to do despite it being nearly a year of No Contact. In fact, I still have quite a bit of work to do. What I really can't get past is that me and my ex had a child who died less than a year later due to a congenital heart defect. I was with her throughout the pregnancy and went out of my way as any expecting father should. I missed work plenty of times to accompany her to the doctor. I was even in the delivery room and helped her through it. We were also engaged-or so I thought. I did give her a ring but I'm not going to ask for it back. I can only look at it as a very expensive lesson learned. I won't go into to what she did behind my back shortly before and several months after our child was born-you can probably guess.
Meeting new people is hard. I focused so much on her for so long. I even dropped out of school several times because my involvement with her made it hard to concentrate. A very stupid and foolish move on my part. I'm planning on going back and hopefully I can pick up and regain some of the years lost. That is one positive outcome of all this-I can see how costly my decision was to leave school all because I couldn't handle the drama with her. If hindsight is 20/20-she was not worth the time. If I knew then what I know now, I would've got steered clear of her and never look back.
Jason

I wish · Apr 10, 2009, 07:07 AM

Wow, that's huge. I'm really sorry for your loss. That's not something easy to cope with you. I can't even imagine how you are feeling.

When you initially asked for help, it seemed much simpler than your actual situation. I know it's not easy to get over a relationship like this one. You might never actually get over it, but you can move on with your life. But only move on when you feel ready. These things take time. If you said that you were together for 11 years and everything else, then 1 year does not sound like a lot. Give yourself more time to get over this. Take it 1 step at the time.

Jason8676 · Apr 10, 2009, 07:14 PM

Originally Posted by I wish

Wow, that's huge. I'm really sorry for your loss. That's not something easy to cope with you. I can't even imagine how you are feeling.

When you initally asked for help, it seemed much simpler than your actual situation. I know it's not easy to get over a relationship like this one. You might never actually get over it, but you can move on with your life. But only move on when you feel ready. These things take time. If you said that you were together for 11 years and everything else, then 1 year does not sound like a lot. Give yourself more time to get over this. Take it 1 step at the time.

Thanks! It certainly does not feel like its been a year. I'm sure my ex does not care nor is ruminating about this like I have. Today I must have spent a good 20 minutes going over the events between me and my ex that led up to this. I still dream of her several times a week-mostly its about us working our problems out and getting back together. At least I am working and staying busy with some hobbies in my spare time. I'm also planning to buy a new car and reapply to school this year. Even though it seems I'm handling this in a positive manner, my mind keeps poring over her.
Jason