[mumufarm]

Hello,
I am of muslim faith but I do not practice as a true muslim. I have been dating a muslim girl who has strict parents for 5 years.
After the first year, we used ot be bad and I used to stay in her house without her parents knowing. One day they found me.
They hate me and will never forgive what has happened. And I fully understand.
Truth is, I want to marry this girl, and I don't want her to lose her parents over me. But how can I ask them for their daughter when they hate me so much.
Let me also explain, I regret doing what I did. I want to apologise to them so much for how much hurt I gave them. I was blinded by the love I had and we did not act responsibly. I know I did wrong, I just wish I could show them how much I am sorry. I put myself in their shoes sometimes and think how I would've felt in the same position.
I have tried to write a letter and put it in their letterbox. But I doubt they took any of it in.
What can I do? I am so ashamed of myself but I want to be with the one I love forever

[sarnian]

Hello mumufarm

I suggest you officially request her parents to allow you to visit them, and discuss the past.
During that talk you can tell them personally what you posted here about what happened, and how sorry you are about that.
Upon their reaction you will know if it is time to mention your wish to marry their daughter.

By the way : she hopefully is aware of your wish to marry her, and agrees with that?

[mumufarm]

Hi, yes she is aware I wish to marry her but she does not believe 100% that her parents will accept it. And even asking them would kill them.
She does not consent me to take these actions.

[sarnian]

mumufarm

Ok. Does she suggest any other option open to you, to which she does agree ?
If not you have little to go for, I fear !

[mumufarm]

No no more options. She keeps saying that there is no way ever for them to accept me.
But I think sometimes she is just being defeatist.
I would want to do something? Try something, anything without hurting them too much.

[sarnian]

mumufarm

If you can not convince her, how would you ever be able to convince her parents?

Your wish to marry her is at least the honorable thing to do after you earlier 'dishounered' her (and by doing so also her parents) .

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...al-334110.html

Drop this idea completely. Your heart break, and guilt, should not be visited on her parents, and is a dumb, desperate attempt to get her back.

Not wise at all, since you really need to accept, and respect her decision. As someone has already pointed out, if you can't change her mind, what chance do you have of changing her parents mind?

Drop this notion, as it makes things worse not better. Heal from your loss, and give yourself time to get over the shock your going through.

She can handle her own parents, and its not your business or place to interfere.

Man up!

[Dare81]

Hi, yes she is aware i wish to marry her but she does not believe 100% that her parents will accept it. And even asking them would kill them.
She does not consent me to take these actions.

Her parents not accepting is an excuse,she does not want to be in a relationship with you.Get that through your head and your life will be much easier

[mercoria]

I don't understand how people can just say things like 'oh she must not want to marry you and its using her parents as an exuse'

I highly doubt that. Some parents can be so strict and it kills a Muslim girl to have to choose between her family and her lover. Relgion would obviously allow these 2 to marry, but cultural differences between the Eastern and Western world make it hard for us guys here, right now in the 21st century trying to combine the 2 together with our Islamic faith.

Pray for it. That's the only advice I can give to you bro. She must have been reallyupset when her parents found out. Sometimes though, with time and prayer, you can achieve what you thought was not possible.