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RIrwin · Mar 26, 2009, 02:21 AM

My GF needs space?
Well about 3 weeks ago my girlfriends let me know that she thought we needed to break up. She said some things about us not being compatible and that were at two different stages in out lives. She is 21 and I am 20. We were dating for about 10 months. I let her know how I felt which was that I still loved her, but she agreed that we needed to take some time. About 1 week ago she texted me and told me that she missed me, I told her I missed her too. I ended up coming over to her house and watching a movie. When the movie was over she walked me out to my car and told me that she missed me then we hugged and kissed. Then I asked her how she felt about everything and she said that she thinks we just need to give it time. I haven't talked to her since then. I think that she thought she wanted to break up with me then realized in the end that all she needed was some space. However she is extremely stubborn and I don't think she wants to admit it to herself that she still wants to be with me. Am I being stupid and over analyzing things? Should I just give up on it and live my life? I really don't know what to do I'm heartbroken I've been hitting the gym hard and hanging out with friends, and just generally keeping busy. It just hasn't seemed to help I still feel just as bad as I did the day we broke up. What do I do?

talaniman · Mar 27, 2009, 06:31 PM

You keep moving forward in your own life, and keep doing what your doing. Yes you fell hard, but in time you will be a lot better. 3 weeks just isn't enough healing time for you.

Read the stickies of this forum. There is a link in my signature.

chuff · Mar 28, 2009, 08:08 AM

From what you described in your post, I think she broke up because she had lost interest. After 3 weeks she had a slight interest or case of missing you, so she called, hung out with you and sort of got it out of her system and then left.

You need to move forward, and forget her because she's probably not coming back and if she does it's only for a couple hours like last time.

I wish · Mar 28, 2009, 08:41 AM

As painful as it is, sounds like it's time to move on with your life.

Most of the time, after you break up, you will miss the other person. But there's a difference between miss and wanting to get back together.

liz28 · Mar 28, 2009, 08:59 AM

I think it time to let go and I know it might not be easy task but sometimes relationships ends, it just a fact of life. The problem is that some people just can't let go and move on. It only makes things more difficult by trying to hold onto a relationship that is clearly over.

You have to realize that everything happens for a reason. After a break-up you might feel like it is the end of the world but it isn't. When one door closes another will open and when it opens you have to brave enough to walk through it. Keep in mind that there is probably something better in store somewhere down the line.

Accept the fact that relationships end and let it rest. I know you might have difficulty accepting the fact that there is no chance of reconciliation. The sooner you accept the truth and get on with your life the easier it will be for everyone. Trying to hold onto a relationship that is over is a big waste of energy. It is physically and emotionally exhausting for everyone involved. You can't force someone to love you or to remain in a relationship. Do yourself a favor and move on.

Letting go is never easy especially when you've shared your life with someone and perhaps even created a life with that person but sometimes letting go is for the best. Take a step forward and get on with the rest of your life.

RIrwin · Mar 28, 2009, 01:24 PM

Thanks guys. I agree with you, but right now its just so hard to accept my fate. I know we will probably never be together again, but that little ounce of hope that's saying maybe we could is tearing me up. I just wish I wasn't so emotional maybe then I could shrug this off and just move on. I hope that I will find happiness, until then this is my source of hope. I'm so happy to have people who don't even know me that take the time to give me support. I thank every person who is on this website.

RIrwin · Apr 16, 2009, 04:12 AM

Well I was doing amazing with NC. My ex girlfriend texted me a couple times over the last 2 weeks and I wouldn't say anything to her or it would be just a one word answer. Finally today she texted me and said " do you not want me to text you anymore?" I waited for about 6 hours before I texted her back and I thought very hard about my answer. I told her that she can text me or call me whenever she feels like it and that that was the understanding at the time we broke up. Then we started talking and long story short I told her that I needed time before I could be friends with her. I was there for her if she wanted to talk but at this moment it would prolong my healing to even be around her. She got upset and told me that she would never turn her back on a friend. She also said that I didn't care about her. She then deleted me from her phone and off myspace. She acted extremely immature and. Tell me why, even though I know it was ridiculous, am I so upset that she deleted me from her phone? All I did was tell her the same thing that she told me when we broke up. I told her that I needed space to figure out my life and what I was going to do. It really upsets me that she reacted the way she did.

I just want to know what you guys think of this because honestly I think she's mental and I have no explanation for it.

talaniman · Apr 16, 2009, 04:57 AM

Obviously she felt her need to have you as a friend, was more important than your need to heal. This happens all the time, exes dump us, but can't let go. No matter they have had a while to think about the break up, and make adjustments, and you haven't.

That's the real value of NO CONTACT, and sticking to it. Sure she wants you in her life, as a friend, and she can still have her options open, and the freedom to exercise them, but your supposed to be fine with being in her life, and who cares how you feel about it.

That's not caring, or even friendship. That's control, and she knows you will take her back, if something better doesn't come along, and even if it does, you will be there, if it doesn't work out.

So learn your lesson, and forget what she wants, and do for yourself, and your healing, and stop all the false hope, by disappearing from her life, finally, and moving on with yours.

Read the stories here, and you'll see we all fall for that trap, and learn that exes don't care as much as you think they do, and will be very upset with you, if you don't concede to their selfish wishes.

MiSSsy111222 · Apr 16, 2009, 04:57 AM

Originally Posted by RIrwin

Well I was doing amazing with NC. My ex girlfriend texted me a couple times over the last 2 weeks and I wouldn't say anything to her or it would be just a one word answer. Finally today she texted me and said " do you not want me to text you anymore?" I waited for about 6 hours before i texted her back and I thought very hard about my answer. I told her that she can text me or call me whenever she feels like it and that that was the understanding at the time we broke up. Then we started talking and long story short i told her that i needed time before i could be friends with her. I was there for her if she wanted to talk but at this moment it would prolong my healing to even be around her. She got upset and told me that she would never turn her back on a friend. She also said that I didn't care about her. She then deleted me from her phone and off of myspace. She acted extremely immature and. Tell me why, even though i know it was ridiculous, am I so upset that she deleted me from her phone? All I did was tell her the same thing that she told me when we broke up. I told her that I needed space to figure out my life and what I was going to do. It really upsets me that she reacted the way she did.

I just wanna know what you guys think of this because honestly I think she's mental and I have no explanation for it.

I don't think she acted immature, she is doing exactly what you want. She's giving you space because you cannot be friends with her yet. She is doing you a favour by cutting the contact.

I don't think she's mental, I think she respects you by listenening to you.

liz28 · Apr 16, 2009, 06:05 AM

Right now you shouldn't be friends with her. So what if she deleting you from her phone and myspace, count your blessing.

I don't think it was immature and you shouldn't even. Maybe this was a move you should have done first.

Continue on with your healing and I know telling her what you did wasn't easy and it took a lot of strength and courage.

However, some how I think you wanted her reaction to be different. Maybe you wanting more begging or for her to accept what you said but she didn't because she wants things her way. In the end it works out in your favor.

RIrwin · Apr 16, 2009, 04:20 PM

Originally Posted by liz28

However, some how I think you wanted her reaction to be different. Maybe you wanting more begging or for her to accept what you said but she didn't because she wants things her way. In the end it works out in your favor.

Well I'm happy that she did what she did because I know in the end it will work out. As far as the reaction I was hoping for, well hell I wanted a totally different reaction. I wanted her to realize what I needed and concede to my wishes out of care for me not anger. She cut me off not because it was my wish, but because she was upset that she lost the control. I just thought that she would show the same kind of sensitivity towards me that I showed towards her. Oh well I guess that's why she's my ex girlfriend.

RIrwin · Oct 5, 2009, 01:34 AM

So Well I just thought that I would let you guys know what has happened to this whole situation since I last posted on here. About two weeks after I posted my last post I met with my ex-girlfriend because she needed to talk to me about something. So I saw her and lone behold she wanted to get back together with me, and well I took the bait. I got back together with her and everything seemed to be going well. In late August we started having some issues and arguing. She ended up breaking up with me once again, should have seen it coming right? Well I guess the point of this is not to get advice, however, to say to all how easy it is to break up with someone once you have seen this site. I knew right when it happened exactly what I needed to do and I did it. When we ended our conversation I told her that I respect her decision but "when I leave this parking lot I'm going to delete your facebook, your Myspace, and your number and until I'm ready I don't want you to be a part of my life". And since that day I have not said one word to her, I have not looked at any of her profiles, and I haven't even asked any of her friends about her. Let me tell you it feels AMAZING. I owe it to all the stories on here that showed me how to break up the right way and to keep my dignity.

PurpLePassion · Oct 5, 2009, 07:11 PM

Aww! I'm glad you're doing better :)

Originally Posted by RIrwin

So Well I just thought that I would let you guys know what has happened to this whole situation since I last posted on here. About two weeks after I posted my last post I met with my ex-girlfriend because she needed to talk to me about something. so I saw her and lone behold she wanted to get back together with me, and well I took the bait. I got back together with her and everything seemed to be going well. In late August we started having some issues and arguing. She ended up breaking up with me once again, shoulda seen it coming right? Well I guess the point of this is not to get advice, however, to say to all how easy it is to break up with someone once you have seen this site. I knew right when it happened exactly what I needed to do and I did it. When we ended our conversation I told her that I respect her decision but "when I leave this parking lot I'm going to delete your facebook, your Myspace, and your number and until I'm ready I don't want you to be a part of my life". And since that day I have not said one word to her, I have not looked at any of her profiles, and I haven't even asked any of her friends about her. Let me tell you it feels AMAZING. I owe it to all the stories on here that showed me how to break up the right way and to keep my dignity.