Is it me or is it me?

NallaNeedsYou · Mar 26, 2009, 05:19 AM

I always seem to be getting myself down for one thing or another but recently I have been just working hard and getting good grades. Im 14 and I haven't had a girl friend, Im unpopular and almost ugly. I have to be positive but my attitude toward life is that work is more important than having mates that go around drinking and smoking. If I get good grades for my GCSEs then I can do well in my A levels and go to a good University. I think I have the right prorities but no matter how much I think I'm doing the right thing I can barely cope with being so lonely. I haven't had many friends ever but I used to rely on chocolate to keep me going, luckly I got off the stuff before I needed something more powerful. I just wish I could do both - fit in and hold my beliefs but its just not working. Any advice? Thanks

ced080188 · Mar 26, 2009, 09:36 PM

I was popular in school I got along wit everyone and I believed I was followed my beliefs which were what you call less than angelic but it wasn't my beiefs I was following it was my actions after high school I realized that my actions were running the same path as the herd but my beliefs weren't . I have been finding that there is an equal balance to everything in most cases you can have your cake and eat it too because everyday you cake flavor changes. Your beliefs may want to sway but your actions must follow smoothly. You are not popular because you have realized that you are different than those around you. And it will show on your face and body. So they know it too. Popularity as I have come to find is a way for self important people to tell every one they are important. You want to tell everyone what you are about but I am afraid you simply on another level but being different is not a bad thing it must be embraced and nutured so make a list of what you like, believe in and what you want then one of the opposite look up clubs and groups that host people who are like you and you will mesh with the people you see in high school now will be nothing like that in ten years and you shouldn't waste so much time thinking about everyone else when you have your life and family and friends to think about. In short popularity is meaningless if they are for the wrong reasons, life is what you make it and screw those who try to tell you different

rachelcuryy08 · Mar 27, 2009, 01:40 AM

OK look honn I's good to see that you asking for help your first solution is praying asking GOD to for give you. Then you need to pray this prayer GOD I ACCECPT YOU AS MY PERSONAL SAVER IN CHRIST I NEED YOU TO MAKE A WAY FOR ME SHOW ME THAT I DON'T NEED NOO FRIENDS THAT YOU ARE MY FRIEND AND YOU WILL HELP ME TO BECOME ME TO STAND OUT WHEN NO1 ELSE STAND OUT TO DO THINGS YOUR WAY AND NO1 ELSE WAY ASK GOD TO SHOW YOU THE LINE TO GO DOWN TAKE THE LONEY SPIRT AWAY, GIVE YOU THE HOLY SPIRIT THAT GROWS INSIDE YOU TO KEEP YOU THE PERSON GOD CALL YOU TO BE IN JESUS NAME AMAN. If you pray that prayer and have faith and believe and just know that GOD is GOD no matter what he will show ypu away out of no way. Love you have a great day the choice is yours!!

artlady · Mar 27, 2009, 02:16 AM

Hello.Please don't put yourself down.What you think of yourself is what you show to the world and if you see yourself as ugly and unpopular,so will they.

I just wish I could do both - fit in and hold my beliefs but its just not working.

There must be some young men your age who are thinking along the same lines you are.Those are the kids you have to connect with.

Get involved in an after school activity that you have an interest in and you will meet people who share your interest.
You will make friends.

Smile and be open to friendship.If you are all mopey and feeling negative about yourself,no one is going to want to hang out with you.

Remember that you are a good person and you would make someone a good friend.Keep that in your mind when you are meeting people.

You have to just put yourself out there and fake confidence and soon it will come naturally.

Clough · Mar 27, 2009, 02:26 AM

Hi, NallaNeedsYou!

It sounds like you have a level head on your shoulders and some positive goals as well as have made some priorities in your life that are admirable.

What is the one thing that might be bugging you the most? Also, what sort of things do you like to do for entertainment and recreation, please?

Thanks!

NallaNeedsYou · Mar 27, 2009, 04:11 AM

Thank you all. It all still seems a bit hard. I go to a very small school at the moment - there is only 15 people in my whole year - so finding people who are like me is quite a challenge. Probably the thing that bothers me the most is sitting by myself the whole time and missing out on some of the things that everyone else seems to be doing. Like going into town or going to a party or watching a film etc. I just end up sitting at home. I do try to not show how I'm feeling but that has had a negative effect. Sad as it is to say my humor is very sarcastic and sharp and I lack the emotion in my voice to show people I'm joking. Things like that will get better I know but whenever I do get on well with someone they are always a lot older. Maybe 16 or 17 when a few realise that how they act now determins the way their life could go. Well I enjoy latin and classic dancing and I'm very musical - both things that are definantly not cool. But the worst thing is that people think I'm ugly and they see me as dirt, something to avoid and reproach. Then on top of that I get on quite well with people out of the mob mentality, when people arnt preassured into hating me some of them like me.

What a lot of issues I have.

I know things will get better but... if I go to something like a dance class everyone there will firstly have a partner and secondly be at least twice my age. It's the last day of term today so time to relax but even then everyone from school will be out partying and having fun. I just feel awfull looking at myself and no matter how helpful adults can be :) its my relationships with pupils that effects me. My badge at the moment is "I hate shiny surfaces" help?

Clough · Mar 27, 2009, 04:19 AM

In what ways are you musical, please?

Thanks!

artlady · Mar 27, 2009, 04:25 AM

Originally Posted by NallaNeedsYou

thankyou all. it all still seems a bit hard. I go to a very small school at the moment - there is only 15 people in my whole year - so finding people who are like me is quite a challenge. probably the thing that bothers me the most is sitting by myself the whole time and missing out on some of the things that everyone else seems to be doing. like going into town or going to a party or watching a film etc. i just end up sitting at home. I do try to not show how im feeling but that has had a negative effect. sad as it is to say my humor is very sarcastic and sharp and i lack the emotion in my voice to show people im joking. things like that will get better i know but whenever i do get on well with someone they are always alot older. maybe 16 or 17 when a few realise that how they act now determins the way their life could go. well i enjoy latin and classic dancing and im very musical - both things that are definantly not cool. but the worst thing is that people think im ugly and they see me as dirt, something to avoid and reproach. then on top of that i get on quite well with people out of the mob mentality, when people arnt preassured into hating me some of them like me.

what a lot of issues i have.

I know things will get better but... if i go to something like a dance class everyone there will firstly have a partner and secondly be atleast twice my age. its the last day of term today so time to relax but even then everyone from school will be out partying and having fun. I just feel awfull looking at myself and no matter how helpfull adults can be :) its my relationships with pupils that effects me. my badge at the moment is "I hate shiny surfaces" help?

I can understand why you get on so well with older kids.You are very intelligent and well spoken and you have a very creative flair for composition.

I think it would be wonderful for you to add creative writing to your list of hobbies as your talent is so clear to me.

Is there any possibility for you to become involved in a boy scout troop or something of that nature?

NallaNeedsYou · Mar 27, 2009, 05:41 AM

Ahh well I am very busy. I get home at 6 in the evening and then go to bed at 9:30 and in that time I have to eat, do 90 minutes of homework and then music and computor... not much time for boy scouts. Weekends I'm playing in orchestras or having a music lesson. I do enjoy creative writing and I ma quite imaginative. But that doesn't help me get friends till I'm 17 or 18 and even then everyone is affected by what their friends think and judging people by how they look. I don't really have much time for doing my dancing which is a shame but... when I go I don't normally enjoy it because I dance by myself and I get lots of weird looks from people. Musicly I play trumpet and piano and I sing a lot. I was a Chorister at Exeter Cathedral but I left there and now I go to school closer to home. I'm still lost for things I can actually do. I know I'm intelligent and creative but that isn't what matters to people. Taking a back seat in socialising I am starting to wor out how these things work. But that doesn't help me :(

The cycle:

Girl finds guy skank or not cool - her girl friends then have the same opinion. Guys who like the girls don't like that person because the girls don't.

artlady · Mar 27, 2009, 05:48 AM

I think you need to follow the advice on your signature.It really says it all.
I wish I had a solution for you my dear.All I can say is if you ever want to talk about anything ,I am here and I would be pleased to be your friend. :)
Michele

NallaNeedsYou · Mar 27, 2009, 05:50 AM

Thank you so much Michele

Hadn't thought about that really. I'm normally OK at giving advice but when it comes down to me I'm helpless :S thank you again

NallaNeedsYou · Mar 27, 2009, 05:51 AM

Ohh and that makes 10 friends now! Double figures!

Clough · Mar 27, 2009, 02:56 PM

Originally Posted by NallaNeedsYou

ahh well i am very busy. I get home at 6 in the evening and then go to bed at 9:30 and in that time i have to eat, do 90 mins of homework and then music and computor... not much time for boy scouts. weekends im playing in orchestras or having a music lesson. i do enjoy creative writing and i ma quite imaginative. but that dosent help me get friends till im 17 or 18 and even then everyone is affected by what their friends think and judging people by how they look. i dont realy have much time for doing my dancing which is a shame but... when i go i dont normally enjoy it because i dance by myself and i get lots of weird looks from people. Musicly i play trumpet and piano and i sing alot. I was a Chorister at Exeter Cathedral but i left there and now i go to school closer to home. im still lost for things i can actually do. i know im intelligent and creative but that isnt what matters to people. taking a back seat in socialising i am starting to wor out how these things work. but that dosent help me :(

The cycle:

Girl finds guy skank or not cool - her girl friends then have the same opinion. Guys who like the girls dont like that person because the girls dont.

It looks like you and I have quite a bit in common musically! Would you be interested in doing a musical activity with me on this site that might help you to feel better about yourself and to build your self-esteem?

Thanks!

barbiechick123 · Mar 27, 2009, 09:18 PM

Artlady and Clough, you are both so awesome.. Every time I read your answers it puts a smile on my face. Especially when you, Clough, suggested a collaberation online. Very good ideas!

Now back to the original matter, Nalla, you seem like a very smart boy. You have a lot going for you and maybe right now you feel like you won't get girls or have a large social life or whatever, but one day you will... All you have to do is be yourself, follow you heart, continue doing great in school and soon enough everything will fall into place.

NallaNeedsYou · Mar 28, 2009, 07:58 AM

Thank you barbie chick :) really appreciate it

And Clough I would love to do something musical on the site. I'm not quite sure how but... enlighten me

Clough · Mar 28, 2009, 12:12 PM

One of the things that we can do musically would be to write a song together. You have mentioned that you enjoy creative writing...

We could also work on putting together a musical composition for one or more instruments. I've played in many different types of bands and orchestras and also compose and arrange music for vocal and instumental groups and individuals.

Please click on the following link where I'm currently working with another person who is near to the same age as you.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/writin...ve-330210.html

Thanks!

NallaNeedsYou · Mar 28, 2009, 01:37 PM

Ahh I see now :) well... I have never had a princess to worship or a love to remember... I sing a song of sorrow and loneliness if it helps :( but maybe something good can come out of things, with the right attitude and determination. Hmm I am a Bass singer... and I have done some compositions before... I could send you a recording of one?

Clough · Mar 28, 2009, 10:50 PM

Originally Posted by NallaNeedsYou

ahh i see now :) well... i have never had a princess to worship or a love to remeber... i sing a song of sorrow and lonelyness if it helps :( but maybe something good can come out of things, with the right attitude and determination. hmm I am a Bass singer... and i have done some compositions before... i could send you a recording of one?

Well, perhaps we could write a song about the way that you feel right now? Doing that would be okay, and might help you to work some things out in your life.

I would be very interested in hearing or seeing what you might have composed. There is a limit to the size of sound files that can be attached to posts here. However, posting image files of compositions seem to have less limitations. I've done that a number of times here.

A person can also post sound files on another site of what they've composed that could be linked to here. I'm working on doing that...

Please let me know...

Thanks!