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missyds8 · Mar 9, 2009, 04:25 PM

Do I file for full custody when the father wanted nothing to do with the child denied he was his or help when I was pregnant, and he took off thousands of miles away and he is NOT on the birth certificate but now that I have a new boyfriend, he is harassing my parents to tell him where I am and he is moving back because now he says the child is his and he deserves to know. But he has a felon, drug abuse and was in rehab, and has under the table job, the baby is now 4 months old. I don't want support, but I don't want him to ever have any rights or visitation, he needs major help first! :confused:

missyds8 · Apr 1, 2009, 01:43 PM

My ex told my friend he filed for a paturnity test but I live in a different state and he has no clue where I live, but he is trying to say that this baby is his. He told my friend that there is court and that I never showed up and that there is a warrant for my arrest, but I never got anything telling me to report to court. Don't you have to sign something to receive anything that tells you, that you have to report to court. Plus he has no clue where I live so how would he beable to file? I have lived in a different state for 4 months now. And the baby was born in the state I live in, and has lived here his whole life. :(:(:(

missyds8 · Apr 1, 2009, 02:00 PM

I know it is not. But do you think is the parent who is paying the support or should I say suppose to be paying the support isn't and hasn't and is behind a lot, Don't you think that should be considered neglect?? :confused: I mean if you were the only parent no one else and you didn't have any money, so I guess that means you can't pay for food for the child and that is neglect. So not supporting your child should be like not giving him food.?

I see in a lot of parents that get support hardly ever get it, and yet that other parent still gets to see and have the children for there visitation, and the parent who is suppose to be getting the support is struggling because he/she ain't receiving any help. And when you have a child 90% of the time is cost way more then when that other parent has them 10% of the time!!
If the parent who is suppose to pay support is not paying, so does that mean they don't have the money? So if they don't have the money what are they using to buy food and items needed for the children when they have them?

AlpineAnnie · Apr 1, 2009, 02:01 PM

Many states have a putative father registry and he could easily register with them. I would think that he would have filed with the court in the state where the baby was born and/or where you live presently. More importantly - is the baby his? He seems to think so and apparently wants to be in the child's life.

artlady · Apr 1, 2009, 02:20 PM

I am not a lawyer but it does not sound reasonable to me.You would most likely have to answer a summons from family court and I highly doubt they would just mail you something.You would at least be sent something certified mail.

AlpineAnnie · Apr 1, 2009, 02:23 PM

Are you just asking for an opinion? I don't think so. There are plenty of parents that for whatever reason may not be paying support but are in their child's life - at every visitation - at school meetings, etc. These are not necessarily neglectful parents. Maybe they simply have no money. I understand that's not always the case - but I think that's one good example of why it should not be labeled neglect.

missyds8 · Apr 1, 2009, 02:52 PM

Originally Posted by AlpineAnnie

Many states have a putative father registry and he could easily register with them. I would think that he would have filed with the court in the state where the baby was born and/or where you live presently. More importantly - is the baby his? He seems to think so and apparently wants to be in the child's life.

He lives in NY and I live in PA, and yea he is the father, and he took off to Texas not to long after I got pregnant and when he found out I had a new boyfriend after I had the baby, he all of a sudden wanted to be the father. And I have no idea about where or when or even if there was court. I am totally clueless.

missyds8 · Apr 1, 2009, 03:01 PM

Originally Posted by AlpineAnnie

Are you just asking for an opinion? I don't think so. There are plenty of parents that for whatever reason may not be paying support but are in their child's life - at every visitation - at school meetings, etc. These are not necessarily neglectful parents. Maybe they simply have no money. I understand that's not always the case - but I think that's one good example of why it should not be labeled neglect.

I am just asking for people's opinion...

cadillac59 · Apr 1, 2009, 03:30 PM

I don't think "neglect" is the right word, since "neglect" normally refers to the way people who have custody fail to properly care for their children.

It's not that the law turns a blind eye to those who fail to pay court-ordered support. All sorts of remedies are available to enforce child support orders and it is indeed a crime to fail to support a child. In fact, the toughest enforement laws in place are those that pertain to collection of child support (many people are in jail right now for not paying child support).

Having said all of that, keep in mind that child support and visitation of children are two different things altogether. A non-custodial parent does not get to see his kids because he pays support; likewise, the non-paying non-custodial parent does not lose his right to see the kids for not paying. Think of it from a child's perspective: It's bad enough for a child to have a parent who doesn't pay support, and suffer the economic hardship of that, why punish the child all the more by denying the non-paying parent the right to see the child (don't forget the benefit the child has by having TWO parents involved in his/her life)?

missyds8 · Apr 1, 2009, 03:49 PM

So my friend got pregnant and bio father took off and didn't care and denied the baby was his. So my friend thought sice he did want anything to do with the baby she wasn't going to fight him, she never ask for support or anything. Well toward the end of her pregnancy she met her boyfriend, he was there all the way from labor to now, he loves the baby and so they decided to have him adopt the child, so he could legally be the dad and they changed the child's last name to his. Well not long after, somehow her ex found out about her boyfriend adopting the baby, he oviously was jealous and all of a sudden he wants to see the kid and wants a paturnity test and be a father to the child.

So will the bio dad just be able to come in and claim to be the daddy and my friends boyfriend not have any rights as the adoptive father?

Fr_Chuck · Apr 1, 2009, 03:54 PM

Since this is the legal forum, not a discussion area, I will state from a legal view point

Child support and visitation are two separate issue in court.

And next most non custody parets do pay their support on time with no problem. It is only a small minority that does.

For those that do not pay, the other parent is suppost to take them back to court, and that is why there are 1000's of people sitting in jail tonight for non payment.

It sounds like you are sour because of your specific situation.

missyds8 · Apr 1, 2009, 04:13 PM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Since this is the legal forum, not a discussion area, I will state from a legal view point

Child support and visitation are two seperate issue in court.

And next most non custody parets do pay their support on time with no problem. It is only a small minority that does.

for those that do not pay, the other parent is suppost to take them back to court, and that is why there are 1000's of people sitting in jail tonight for non payment.

It sounds like you are sour because of your specific situation.

No I agree to a point that they are different, just in my sister's case, see she has full custody, and the child's father gets the child one weekend a month and every other Sunday, she only make a little bit of money and he owes about 2000.00 and contiuing not to pay knowing she is struggling,he works under the table and making good money, but all he has to do pay is 280.00 a month plus $30 a month to pay up back pay. She makes just slightly too much for any government help, and our parents help out by buying her grocerys, but with rent and gas for the car to get to work, utilities, she has about 250 toward food, and things like clothes and babysitting. And the father knows she is struggling and don't care whether she can feed the kids because then he can take the kids from her, but if he would just pay his support she could afford everything and have about 30 dollars or so to put in savings for x-mas and stuff like that.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 1, 2009, 04:30 PM

It is very unlikely if he has and is behind in payments the court would consider a custody change,

If he is so far behind, when is the last time she took him to court to find him in contempt,

When was the last time she contacted her state child support enforcement to enforce the court order and get a garnishment of what wages he does get.

If he is working "under" the table, the attorney forces him to provide copeis of checking accounts, explain how he lives in home he does, drives cars he does and so on.

cdad · Apr 1, 2009, 05:07 PM

From the way your sounding Id have to say yes. I don't know enough yet to be positive but it doesn't sound like she was diligent in her duties and just fast tracked the adoption. If that's the case then yes it could be contested.

cdad · Apr 1, 2009, 05:39 PM

Originally Posted by missyds8

he lives in NY and I live in PA, and yea he is the father, and he took off to Texas not to long after I got pregnant and when he found out I had a new boyfriend after I had the baby, he all of a sudden wanted to be the father. and I have no idea about where or when or even if there was court. I am totally clueless.

If he followed the rules and sent a certified letter to your last known address and then later published the notice in the newspaper then he could very well have an action against you. Did he have any idea where you might be residing ?

stevetcg · Apr 2, 2009, 03:47 AM

The other thing to consider is that if you know the baby is his and are intentionally hiding the child from him, when he finally DOES find you, its not going to look good to the court that you were hiding the child.

missyds8 · Apr 2, 2009, 07:25 AM

Originally Posted by stevetcg

The other thing to consider is that if you know the baby is his and are intentionally hiding the child from him, when he finally DOES find you, its not going to look good to the court that you were hiding the child.

I am protecting the child. He is a high drug user, abusive, has been to prison for selling guns illegally, been to rehab more then once, works under the table jobs, like construction and selling drugs. I don't even want him to have any visitation not even supervised. And before I moved he didn't want anything to do with the baby, and I have a letter from him telling me that, and when he found out I moved all of a sudden he wants to know where I am and wants to be the father.

missyds8 · Apr 2, 2009, 07:29 AM

Originally Posted by califdadof3

From the way your sounding Id have to say yes. I dont know enough yet to be positive but it doesnt sound like she was diligent in her duties and just fast tracked the adoption. If thats the case then yes it could be contested.

The child is 4.5 years old, it was no fast acting idea, they decided it then so the child would have his name when school started.

missyds8 · Apr 2, 2009, 07:31 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

It is very unlikely if he has and is behind in payments the court would consider a custody change,

If he is so far behind, when is the last time she took him to court to find him in contempt,

when was the last time she contacted her state child support enforcement to enforce the court order and get a garnishment of what wages he does get.

If he is working "under" the table, the attorney forces him to provide copeis of checking accounts, explain how he lives in home he does, drives cars he does and so on.

She did contact the child support enforcers, they said they were working on it. It's been 2 months now.

stevetcg · Apr 2, 2009, 07:56 AM

I understand that you don't want him to have visitation, but that is not for you to decide. It is up to the court and if he files for paternity and visitation and its approved, you are obligated to comply or go to jail.

I get that you want what is best for your child, but you are skirting a fine line between legal and illegal and I would strongly recommend speaking to a local lawyer and getting to the bottom of what you can and cannot do.