[bonsniffy]

Hi, I'm 25 male and last noverember, 8 months ago, my girlfriend and I split up. The relathionship lasted 3 years. We were very much in love, she was 21 and I was 24 when we split, she has her reasons for leaving, and I understand them, my career was starting to really move and she didn't see me having room for her. Two week after we split she started seeing a guy I know, I know him to see, he is much older than me by about 5 years, (not that that matters) at first I accepted how she felt, but I never wanted to break up, I wanted to work it out and stay together, a few weeks after the break we began texting each other about how much we still cared for each other, I got so excited at the thoughts of us fixing things, but nothing ever came of it. She never agreed to see me, but her texts never stopped, huge emails were sent back and forth, old times, great times, and then on msn we'd both get so worked up about we'd fight about how I was a **** boyfriend or she didn't support me, the last fight we has was 4 days ago. She lives quite near me about a 20 minute drive. And she is leaving the country in 4 weeks for 3 years. Why won't these feelings just leave me alone to try and start a new life. I get so caught up in the thoughts of her and him these days that I break out in cold sweats. I just want to feel better, I mean 8 months is a bit much to spend getting over someone. She went to america during the summer with her new boyfriend and she texted me to see was I over her, I asked what would she like to hear? And she said I'd like to hear that your not over me. I mean how can someone toy with emotions like this? Even after all this time, I would get back with her in a heartbeat, she has this smile. And no one in the last 8 months has even briefly stimulated me in the way she could. Mentally and physically. Were do I go from now, if I never text her again. How long does this take?

[valinors_sorrow]

You probably aren't going to like my answer but as long as you keep communicating with her, the healing process just isn't happening. So although you're broken up, you aren't any further down the recovering road yet. Most people are too hurt afterwards to tolerate contact unless they let their own neediness get the better of them. Ending a deep relationship or getting a divorce is almost as much of a loss as losing a partner through death. And most cultures allow for a whole year before someone who has been through the wringer like that is considered themselves again. In the meantime, you are too vulnerable for your own good, of which it sounds like she took advantage. During this time, you can be too likely to fall into a rebound relationship, which are almost guaranteed to fail. It takes what it takes but, like it or not, the shortest path through it is be as single and unavailable to anyone as possible. Work on you, make your life full, and give yourself the time to heal.

[aqua@home]

Well... I don't think you have had 8 months to get over her. You have continued to be in contact with her and she seems to be driving what relationship you do have with her. You need someone who has your best interests in mind, not someone willing to pull and push you in which ever direction they want to go. Personally, I think you are being taken advantage of. I think she likes the attention and she likes the fact that you are waiting for her. I think it's a game, and only she can win. I doubt she has been pining over you, or been torn up the way you have been.

I think you should cut all ties and move on. Don't send her messages, don't call. A little hard-to-get never hurt anyone. Move on!

I hope you find someone worth your time and effort.

[ilovcali]

I'm sorry that you know that she's with someone new. That sucks. But in some ways, it can be a blessing. YOU know she's GONE. She's with someone else. The writing couldn't be any clearer. She's done with you.

I don't know if my ex is with anyone new. I'm still waiting for that day when I find out. I won't actively seek it out, but I know, somehow, I'll find out. You've already been dealt the biggest blow, the knowledge they're with someone else, completely moved on.

I don't like what your ex is doing. She is absolutely mean. SHE IS MEAN!! There is nothing nice about what she is doing. Honestly, you should HATE her for the way she is treating you. SHE HAS NO RESPECT FOR YOU! NONE!

Who in their right mind dates someone new and then texts their ex who they had a very serious 3 year relationship about the new relationship?? She IS toying with your emotions. That is HEARTLESS!

STOP COMMUNICATING with her! SHE IS BEING HEARTLESS with no regard to YOUR FEELINGS! She is poisoning your mind. Stop talking to her. If you feel like that is treating her badly, REMEMBER THE WAY SHE IS TREATING YOU!!

And until you stop talking to her, NO ONE will stimulate you mentally or physically. How can they, you're mind is STILL ON HER! Start the process of getting her out of your mind.

[talaniman]

Its not her my friend its you and until you make up your mind to take care of yourslf then your ex will always dangle a carrot in front of you and keep all those old feelings alive. No contact in any shape form or fashion, with the ex. That simple. Check out life without her and DON'T look back. Its up to you so take control of your life and leave hers alone.

[mommamia]

Seems as though this woman, your ex, is confused, or perhaps she's unsure of what she's doing. You say she's moving away for 3 years - is her life on a definite path? She sounds like a woman who's hurting... you've mentioned how you've argued on MSN about " how i was a **** boyfriend". If the arguments are continuing, it might indicate that she's still hurt by the situation.

You're both young - was this your first adult relationship? The end is never easy. And while she has moved on, she still has memories of you. That's natural. Although women have a horrible tendency to try to remain friends with their exes. It seems to be programmed into us all!! You said she left you because you didn't have time for her. Perhaps she's just hurting from the loss? I don't think she's mean or heartless. She's still hurt and she's being honest about it, which is probably a bad idea on her part. You asked why she asked if you were over here and she gave you the honest answer as to why. She probably likes the fact that you're still available, but is she playing games? She's being honest with you, more than anything, I think. In my experience, it's easy to find someone new to distract you from the old flame, but the difficulty is distracting your heart. I feel that she is having problems distracting her heart and is letting selfishness get in the way by contacting you.

As the days and weeks pass, it will become easier. Tell her to stop contacting you and mean it when you say it. When she leaves the country, will you even be able to contact her again? It might work in your favour.

[s_cianci]

Well, I understand that you still care for this person and that's normal but your best bet is to leave it at remembering fond memories and nothing more. The texting, e-mailing, etc. has to stop immediately. Even if she initiates it, don't respond. Having absolutely no contact whatsoever is essential to the healing process and as you've said it's been causing fights between the two of you. Also, from more of a psychological point of view, she will miss you more and remember you more fondly if you deny her the opportunity to contact and communicate with you. I know that it may not make sense at first glance but trust me on this. As long as she can still speak with you it's like she's having her cake and eat it too, in that she doesn't have to be there for you but you can be there for her when she wants. Also letting her draw you into arguments allows her to continue having power over you and that's not a good thing. You will not be able to heal and get over this as long as she's still allowed to have that kind of power. So no contact. Change your e-mail address, screen name and phone number if necessary. You go on with your life and do the things you like to do. You need to work on you right now and not worry about her or anyone else.

[chuff]

Well, it's obvious she's toying with you. I think that you've totally overlooked something that maybe you know but didn't want to accept it. But she was cheating on you before you broke up. After 3 years it only took her 2 weeks to start a new relationship with your "friend." Am I really supposed to believe that nothing was going on before the breakup? In reality she was seeing him before you broke up. I believe part of the reason she keeps toying with you is so that if this new relationship doesn't work out she can run back to you. You said it yourself, you'll take her back in a heartbeat. She's got you wrapped around her finger. She knows your not going anywhere but she's not sure about your friend. Like everybody else says, get far away from this girl now!!

[valinors_sorrow]

Short and sweet version is--contact after a breakup is almost always mindgames... sign up if you wish but then don't complain about it being a game.

[Wildcat21]

This is the old backup plan in aeffect.

Yu need to LEAVE this woman ALONE - QYUIT contacting her - then maybe she will come back. Doubt it though - all this communication has KILLED your chances.

She's playing.

AND trust me o nthis - she was seeing gthe other guy while you were 'still' with her. People don't get together 2 weeks later... it was jsu ta good time to announce it.

This galk will NEVER come back until you complete stop all contact for 3 months or more.

She is totally F-ing with you.

Be a man and move on. She doesn't want this sick puppy dog who is still in love with her.

[talaniman]

even after all this time, I would get back with her in a heartbeat, she has this smile. And no one in the last 8 months has even briefly stimulated me in the way she could. Mentally and physically. Were do I go from now

You poor goof ,taking her back would be a major mistake . First off are you willing to share her with Tom,****, and Harry? Are you willing to get dumped again? Are you willing to be chained to the porch and fed when she feels like it? Do you love her enough to eat her crap? If so she is perfect for you! No contact and after you get your head back on straight you'll be able to see what a complete fool you could have been. She doesn't want you, she wants to use you!

[Krs]

Listen to Tal please, he says what you need to hear.. the truth!
Before you realise this you can carry on with your own life.