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sweetbaby72 · Mar 1, 2009, 01:58 PM

Oh karma has bitten, and I just don't like men close to my age, when I find one that is single I will def. date him. Plenty of younger men have asked me out but there is just something more to an older man, I do date other men, just without expectations. I intend on having fun and exploring my options. My MM is coming over today and it's the day to tell him goodbye. New job tomorrow and new life for me. I am a very strong willed person and time to bring that part of me back out.

I wish · Mar 1, 2009, 02:04 PM

There is no doubt that he is a cheater. But at the same time, you called him your "best friend." So maybe that's the type of friendship you should have with him.

Like what everyone has been saying. There's no future with him. He will not leave his wife. You are losing your independence. Just let him be your friend and find yourself another man who won't cheat on his wife. You deserve better.

liz28 · Mar 1, 2009, 04:06 PM

I had a friend that was in your same situation and I'd tell you like I told her numerous of times it leads to no where. It took her 10 years to figure this out and to wake up and really smell the coffee.

Do you really think that he cares about his kids since he is seeing you on the side? No! Because if he did he wouldn't be seeing you and is only using that as an excuse to not let you go.

To me the two of you are using each other for one another benefits. You like what he has to offer and you like what he's offering you. But if you dig deep within yourself you know this is wrong, right?

The same way he can't further your career don't you think it can be taking away? I've heard of woman sleeping their way to the top but is the way you really what to go instead of putting in the hard work to get to the top because when you work hard in the end you feel more triumph and the goal is more satifying and you could be such a better role model for woman who worked hard. It might take longer but believe me the journey is well worth it.

frangipanis · Mar 1, 2009, 04:23 PM

Curious to know who started texting who first.

Jake2008 · Mar 1, 2009, 04:28 PM

A little twist on the current theme here.

A friend of mine married a much older man, and she was 21 at the time, he was 45. She is still married to him, and enjoys all that has to offer.

Several years ago, she started an affair with a fellow employee, and it continues to this day. He has moved into her neighbourhood with his family.

According to her, the only reason her marriage is together, and his marriage is together, is that they have each other once a week.

Is this maybe, a long shot I know, somehow a benefit to sweet's lover's wife of 60? Perhaps she too is enjoying that he is happier and healthy. Maybe their relationship somehow benefits from this?

Don't shoot me, just wondering. :confused:

Ash123 · Mar 1, 2009, 04:38 PM

Originally Posted by I wish

There is no doubt that he is a cheater. But at the same time, you called him your "best friend." So maybe that's the type of friendship you should have with him.

Like what everyone has been saying. There's no future with him. He will not leave his wife. You are losing your independance. Just let him be your friend and find yourself another man who won't cheat on his wife. You deserve better.

NOPE:

Unfortunately, they are way past "just friends" and cannot go back any time soon.

She needs to move on.

SphinxRiddle · Mar 1, 2009, 04:46 PM

I was in that very position myself. I was with married man for about a year, and though anyone who thinks of affairs- automoatically assumes that it all involves SEX, it does not. I do believe that you two perhaps have a very deep fondness for eachother- perhaps even love- BUT, I dd it because I was young and stupid and I NEVER expected him to leave his wife. You may mean a lot to him, but guaranteed- his face in front of his children mean more- they hardly ever leave their wives for the "other woman"- too costly- too embarrassing and too painful (FOR EVERYONE). Save yourself the trouble, find a man that you can call your own, not one that is borrowed. You deserve to be in the light in the relationship- not in the shadows.

I wish · Mar 1, 2009, 04:48 PM

Originally Posted by Ash123

NOPE:

unfortunately, they are way past "just friends" and cannot go back any time soon.

she needs to move on.

I was trying to be nice :( He does sound supportive. Who knows, if both of you can handle friendship only :confused:

If one of you can't handle friendship only, then it really is time to move on...

frangipanis · Mar 1, 2009, 04:53 PM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

A little twist on the current theme here.

A friend of mine married a much older man, and she was 21 at the time, he was 45. She is still married to him, and enjoys all that has to offer.

Several years ago, she started an affair with a fellow employee, and it continues to this day. He has moved into her neighbourhood with his family.

According to her, the only reason her marriage is together, and his marriage is together, is that they have eachother once a week.

Is this maybe, a long shot I know, somehow a benefit to sweet's lover's wife of 60? Perhaps she too is enjoying that he is happier and healthy. Maybe their relationship somehow benefits from this?

Don't shoot me, just wondering. :confused:

Not sure you can speculate on how the wife is feeling or benefiting or otherwise from her husband having an affair, Jake. Her story is her own and we're not going to know that here.

arisaunt · Mar 1, 2009, 04:59 PM

Wow! I can't believe you are actually falling for this guy's nonsense. Why would he ever leave his wife when you are giving him the best of both worlds? What you need to do is tell this guy to take a hike. I know how hard it's going to be, but you will get over it. Get yourself a job to pay your bills and find a hobby that you really enjoy to keep your mind off this guy. The bottom line is if he really wanted to be with you, he'd leave his wife to make that happen. Sorry to be so hard on you, but you will be okay without him!

SphinxRiddle · Mar 1, 2009, 05:20 PM

I was once in this very situation myself. My guy was married and had two kids. Unlike, what many people may believe about such affairs, it is not all about SEX, so I'm sure that you two may have a certain degree of fondness for eachother- BUT, save yourself the trouble- don't you want a man that you can call yours? Not someone who is borrowed? You deserve to be in the light in a relationship, and not in the shadows.

Also, if he has two older children- he will not do anything to shatter whatever relationship he has with them. It is rare when the husband does leave the wife for the "other woman," it is too costly, too embarrassing and too painful (for everyone). And if he were to leave her by some miracle, and were to stay with you- that would be a miserable life for you- no one that means anything to him will ever care for you- and that will bring problems.

sweetbaby72 · Mar 1, 2009, 11:24 PM

Let me clear some things up. He wants to help me with my career by helping me go back to college, not sleeping my way to the top, we work in 2 different towns now 3 hours apart. Being in healtcare it's a little hard to sleep your way to the top and learn surgery at the same time. He is only offering support by helping me with learning abilities that I lack. We will be able to stay friend because of our understanding how we got to this point, the tough times that we have endured together and some of them because of our relationship. I started this question for different views on my situation and all have been helpful and I really appreciate all of the ones who have great non judgemental advice. You all seem very caring. Remember its not about the sex, it's a connection that both of us are lacking elsewhere, an understanding of needs if you will. A true friendship where we hold nothing back.

neverme · Mar 1, 2009, 11:37 PM

Unfortunately when you post on here you don't get to select the answers that you want.

This is a good thing, but sometimes a hard pill to swallow.

You said it's a new job and a new life for you. Have you followed through with this?

AmExp · Mar 1, 2009, 11:44 PM

ALSO, I am still curious to know if this man was not financially sound, would you still be so fond of him seeing that he is married. Single and financially sound is one thing, but married and living pay check to pay check is another...

sweetbaby72 · Mar 2, 2009, 12:42 AM

I really had no idea of the amount of wealth he has and loved him before the gifts. It seems that most of the post assumes its about money. I could have left my ex husband with nothing, but instead I left with nothing, and yes I told him goodbye tonight. I did it for him and his family, not for myself. If I tried to do it for my feelings I don't think I would have followed through

Jake2008 · Mar 2, 2009, 12:51 AM

Originally Posted by sweetbaby72

I really had no idea of the amount of wealth he has and loved him before the gifts. It seems that most of the post assumes its about money. I could have left my ex husband with nothing, but instead I left with nothing, and yes i told him goodbye tonight. I did it for him and his family, not for myself. If i tried to do it for my feelings I don't think I would have followed through

I am sad for you Sweet, I believe you truly loved him. To leave him for the right reasons really speaks volumes about you.

Maybe that is why you came here in the first place, for a little reassurance that this was not the right path for you, or him.

Good luck to you.

AmExp · Mar 2, 2009, 01:12 AM

Maybe that is true, but you can't say having extra cash around (even if you were financially sound personally) is nice. As the rapper Lil Kim said' "Why spend mine when I can spend yours?"

But on a different note, what have you decided?

oldenoughtoknow · Mar 2, 2009, 08:00 AM

Originally Posted by arisaunt

Wow! I can't believe you are actually falling for this guy's nonsense. Why would he ever leave his wife when you are giving him the best of both worlds?

Exactly, why buy the cow when the milk is free

jmw0713 · Mar 2, 2009, 09:47 AM

The guy isn't an idiot. He knows it would be way more expensive to leave his current marriage, than it would be to just pay some of your bills, reap the rewards, and keep you on the DL so to speak.

The guy is wealthy, meaning he knows how to make money, how to use it wisely, and how to keep it.

Divorce is not a move many wealthy men make. They would rather have a so called "mistress" on the side to make up for whatever is lacking in their marriage, hence the reason he has you on the side. All the while keeping all of this hush hush. Granted his kids would be pissed, but they will always love him and call him dad. However, the real vengeance would come from his wife, who would probably try and take every last little penny she can through divorce.

Sorry, if you think he is going to leave his wife for you, you better think again. Best to end this before the REAL fiasco begins.

AmExp · Mar 2, 2009, 12:35 PM

Originally Posted by jmw0713

The guy isn't an idiot. He knows it would be way more expensive to leave his current marriage, than it would be to just pay some of your bills, reap the rewards, and keep you on the DL so to speak.

Divorce is not a move many wealthy men make. They would rather have a so called "mistress" on the side to make up for whatever is lacking in their marriage, hence the reason he has you on the side. All the while keeping all of this hush hush. Granted his kids would be pissed, but they will always love him and call him dad. However, the real vengeance would come from his wife, who would probably try and take every last little penny she can through divorce.

Sorry, if you think he is going to leave his wife for you, you better think again. Best to end this before the REAL fiasco begins.

I agree! How would you feel if your husband was creeping around on you? Hey, if you don't care then keep doing your "thang", but something tells me that is not the case. Deep inside you know this is inappropriate and wrong.