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sweet20 · Feb 26, 2009, 05:06 PM

I don't know what to do anymore, I've been with this guy for 2 years he has only had a job once and that only lasted for a month. He doesent look for a job or anything.. he has nothing literally nothing... he has hit me in the past like everyday basically... its been about a month now that he stopped punching me and being really violent... but he still pulls my hair and chockes me.. he has never took me out on a date or bought me what I want or what I need... but yet I DON'T know WHY I'm still with him... what could I do to get over him and never again be with him?

smalltowngal · Feb 26, 2009, 05:16 PM

You need more help than you can be given in a forum. Guys like this tend to be very manipulative and even though you know it's best for you to leave, he will talk you into staying. You need professional counselling to help you deal with these issues and to teach you how to move on. Remember, you are not the first and won't be the last person to be in this kind of situation. Stay strong and know you can get through it!

HighandDryinnNy · Feb 26, 2009, 05:23 PM

You said it yourself: he is not worth your time. How old are you? You haven't told us one reason to keep this guy around. Kick him to the curb pronto. A couple ways to help you get over him:
1. think about him hitting you
2. think about why he actually DID hurt you!
3. what he contributes to your relationship (hmm sounds like nothing)
4. tell your friends and family, ask them for support and they WILL support you
5. realize that you will never find happiness if you stick with him

These are just a couple things to get you on your way.
Please, get him out pronto, you are actually doing him a favor by showing him what scum he is. You deserve love and respect, and by the way he treats you, it sounds like he's found the perfect submissive free ride. Don't let him hurt you or take advantage of you anymore.

UnluckyDucky · Feb 26, 2009, 05:34 PM

That is an extremely difficult situation you are in, but I am glad to hear you are questioning it and wanting to do something about it. There are so many other women out there who are in the same situation as yourself that suffer in silence.

If you are living with him right now you need to get out of there. There is NO excuse for physical violence of any sort and you've put up with it for way too long. He may have eased off on the intensity of the violence for now, but he sounds unstable and you should definitely be concerned for your safety.

Men like this are extremely insecure and manipulative - they will use guilt and violence as a means to demoralize and control you. You definitely need professional help as smalltowngal stated, however you need physically remove yourself from the situation first and foremost if at all possible. Professional counseling will give you the help you need to get over this guy and give you the tools you need to move on.

Do you have any friends or family nearby that can help you through this? There may also be battered women's shelters in your area if that isn't an option. Your local police department should be able to refer you to one if you aren't sure. Do you have any children with this man? If so, this is all the more reason to seek help - the sooner the better.

sweet20 · Feb 26, 2009, 05:35 PM

Well I'm 21 and he is 19... I don't feel like I love him anymore... me and him could fight over the smallest things... well to be real we fight everyday... I'm the one that works and I take care of myself he just steals my money and my things...

HighandDryinnNy · Feb 26, 2009, 05:39 PM

Wow, he is immature!! Honey if you don't love him, get rid of him! He is taking advantage of you so hard. You can and will find wayyyy better. Do you live together?

sweet20 · Feb 26, 2009, 05:54 PM

No I don't have no kids with him... but I have one with a previous relationship

smalltowngal · Feb 26, 2009, 06:05 PM

A child involved turns it into a much more urgent situation. You need to get out NOW. By staying, you are risking your child being hurt and even losing your child due to being in a dangerous situation. Do you have family or friends you can stay with?

HighandDryinnNy · Feb 26, 2009, 06:07 PM

All the more reason to get out, do you want your child growing up thinking that this is how women are treated? Now that I know this, I think you need to put yourself to the side and get him out of your life for your child. Kids are sponges, their childhood creates a huge part of their belief system- this is not what you want your kid to see.

friend4u178 · Feb 26, 2009, 06:08 PM

I've just been reading some of your other posts and this guy has been doing this to you for a long time now. You also have a young 2 1/2 year old girl who is at risk from this maniac.

If not for yourself at least do it for your child and get rid of this guy NOW. How long till he harms your little girl?? Are you willing to take that risk?

You have a responsibility to keep her safe.

friend4u178 · Feb 26, 2009, 06:16 PM

This post from August last year...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental...me-250330.html

talaniman · Feb 26, 2009, 06:23 PM

what could I do to get over him and never again be with him?

Leave, enough is enough!

VAN5090 · Feb 26, 2009, 06:29 PM

All I can say Is if he ever put a hand on you then He Really doesn't respect you and some times it may sound weird but many girls like that ! I think its because it the only type of attencion they get from their spouse or lover.

sweet20 · Feb 26, 2009, 08:37 PM

Well I have my own place to stay its just me and my daughter... he knows were I live... he has threatened me that if I leave him his going to call social services on me or mess up my car or kill me... he's crazy... he never touched my baby girl I always have her next to me or where I could see them both. He doesent care for her... he's tried to get me pregnant but he doesent know that I'm on birth control... he won't leave me alone... im tired of him really!!

Justwantfair · Feb 26, 2009, 08:49 PM

File a restraining order, put his arse in jail, where it should be

UnluckyDucky · Feb 26, 2009, 09:06 PM

he's not worth my time

Your post title says it all. This guy is no good for you, and it is good you're finally starting to realize it. Even though he's never touched your child, I wouldn't put it past him to use her as leverage of some sort - in fact looking back at your last post he already has by threatening to call social services on you. My advice is to contact the authorities and get some real help.

He's beat you, he's punched you, he's pulled your hair and choked you, he's threatened to kill you by messing up your car.. what is it going to take before do something about this?

You still have time to act before something else happens - but you have to take the first step.

friend4u178 · Feb 26, 2009, 09:20 PM

You really need to do something about this NOW or there is every likelihood that your child WILL get hurt. You can't protect yourself against him so what chance would you have if decided to harm her.

Call the authorities and get some help.

Survivor07 · Feb 26, 2009, 09:39 PM

Don't be a statistic. He could kill you and your child. Do something asap. Get a restraining order. Change your phone number. Move. Whatever it takes. What are you waiting for? He's only 19! He has a mental disorder. You need help, too. Counseling is in order to find out why you would be in this type of relationship. Make the call! You will get the help you need. Just ask. You and your child deserve so much better.

startover22 · Feb 26, 2009, 10:36 PM

Like the others stated you need to get a restraining order. Do you have family or a friend you can stay with? You have a moral obligation to you and your daughter to get the heck out of this before it takes over and goes way too far. What state are you in? If I link a site for battered women, would you call? You have to do something, this is a situation where talking about it will not help... acting on it will. Right now, right now!

Alty · Feb 27, 2009, 12:04 AM

You need to get out of this, do everything in your power to move on, get away from this abusive jerk and take care of yourself and your daughter.

He may not hit her, yet, but she is being abused, by witnessing everything that's going on. You may think she doesn't know, trust me, she does.

You deserve more than this, you deserve better. I know you're afraid, it's hard to leave, but you know that you have to, otherwise you wouldn't have come here.

You can't do this alone and you don't have to. The first step is to get a restraining order, change your number and involve your family and friends. Find the number to a battered women's shelter in your area, they have wonderful resources and support groups that can help you get through this.

You aren't alone, there are so many women and children that live with this everyday, but only you have the power to stop this, trust me, he never will.

Get out of this situation now!

We're here if you need anything.

Good luck.