[lola64]

Hi Everyone,
I've recently written a post a few weeks back about trying to move on from the breakup of a 5 yr relationship in the midst of dealing with a family health crisis.

My emotions are scattered all about.. most of the times I feel somewhat numb and neutral, just functioning. Other times, I feel like I wish I could grab life by the b**** and start all over, jump up, quit my career (which makes me angry because it forces me to travel so much and answer to lazy people I have little respect for) and run away to do something I really love.. then still at other times I just feel emotionally spent, like I've given everything to everyone and I want to curl up in a ball and hide from the world. Unfortunately, I never really get to do that much anymore, as most of my free time has to be given to caring for my father.

I feel trapped. And young and old at the same time. Like I should be getting on with my life, having a family, enjoying new places.. I feel like I've been cheated out of the last 5 years of building a life. I feel selfishly like I have to give so much time to care for my father (my brothers pretty much bailed because they have their own families to care for) that I don't get to spend this energy on having my own children and husband (as my brothers get to do with their families).

Everything is just so up in the air at the moment, I've been waiting for the dust to settle for months now, but these feelings are still lingering within me. I try to manage myself from slipping into depression by eating well, exercising, and still involving myself with new people and activities that I enjoy.. but somehow I still feel this way. Essentially my life has been thrown a few curveballs and feels like it's hit a standstill, but at the same time, it feels like everything is still spinning within me and I can't make any sense of it!

I've recently met an amazing man who feels like an angel sent to me. He watches over me and comforts me and provides me with the most peaceful serenity that I haven't had for so many years. I know I need to take care of myself, but in doing that, I also want to care and love him as well. Not because I NEED to love somebody (I'm happy on my own), but because I truly respect him and WANT to.

Can anyone offer any advice on how to regain perspective, let go of the past, see the future, and live in the moment for real happiness? I guess if we could all do that none of us would be here in the first place! Lol.

Thanks all, have a good day..

[arnimal7]

First off I just have to say that it sounds like you are a sweet person for making your Father top priority.
It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and you know what's up. Yeah you have wasted or lost 5 years as you said, but you still have 20, 30, even 50 years left that is up to you to take control of and choose how you are going to live your life in happiness.
This man you are speeking of sounds like a keeper. I would grab him and not let go. See where this potential realationship might take you. Let go of the past. Past is past, move on to the future. Well there you have it. I hope that helps.
Good luck