[blio2000]

Thanks for the response... should I make anything of the fast that in her past, when her ex's call she gives them what they want? Honestly, Ive been through a tough breakup before, posted on here, and this girl is very different from what Im used to. Im a genuine guy, and when I heard of this was kind of taken back by it. Do I let that worry go? Im definitely not controlling, just over analyze things. I always think, do they still call her? One has tried to contact her. In the 7 months between her last relationship and me, she has been with her ex's more than once.

[friend4u178]

Like I said you should trust her until she gives you reason not to , if your really that worried about it and you don't trust her or can't handle her past then maybe you shouldn't be with her.

[blio2000]

I'll give it some time. Im not one to let the little things ruin something larger. I look at the whole big picture. Thanks for your advice

[I wish]

If you trust her, then it doesn't matter what this guy does, because you would trust that your girlfriend would act appropriately and accordingly with this guy.

If you say that you trust your girlfriend but not him, what it actually means is that you don't trust your girlfriend.

You better take a few steps back and analyze your trust feelings about your girlfriend before you worry about this other guy.

[blio2000]

That's true.. because of what Ive been through in the past, it's very hard trusting; especially where there was nothing to worry about before. I don't want to compare... Now that I see a little threat I make a thing out of it. But I'll trust her until she gives me a reason not too

[Cat1864]

thanks for the response....should I make anything of the fast that in her past, when her ex's call she gives them what they want?

She was also getting what she wanted. Let her past remain her past; as your past should remain yours. As has been said, she is with you now and you are with her.

It is common when a person has had a bad break-up to be skittish about the next relationship. Try not to permit those fears to act as a magnifying glass. If you let them, a grain of sand will look like a boulder.

I think you may need to work on trusting her and yourself. If you have any doubts about her, then you probably are second guessing yourself and your own judgment.

[Yosomoton213]

Usually, when a girl has a guy friend, the guy is in the "friend zone"... so whatever this guy wants, this girl, as long as she's with you, isn't going to mess up.

If she does, that just means that this girl isn't for you.

The best way to find out if you can trust someone is to actually trust someone.

If you don't trust her... it will never work. Eventually something will come up, and you will be stressed out constantly when she goes out with her friends, which is totally not worth it.

[sara callam]

Do you trust your gut feelings & intuitions?

[blio2000]

Thanks for all the advice :) Yes I trust my gut feelings and intuitions. My problem is when she gives me a reason to question them. Today for example I went to see her and she was in a good mood towards me, hugging, flirting etc. As soon as he called, she totally turned into a diff person and acted afterwards as if I didn't exist. No affection whatsoever. She then went for a walk with him and out to lunch when I left. Kind of weird if you were there to feel what I felt.

Oh yea, he's continually sending her messages and trying to give her so much attention, but she may not see or want to see the situation as I do.

[talaniman]

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...-316091-2.html

Personally, I don't worry about exes, or the competition, at all, but that doesn't mean I fall for anything either. Its only been a couple of months, and she is a stranger to you still, but from the events you have written about here, I would sure be cautious of putting all my eggs in her basket, or even get to emotionally invested after only two months.

You have barely had time to develop any communications together. I think a wise man would be going slow on this one, and not just following feelings because, whether its baggage from the past, or not, you still need to pay attention, and have some trust built up, before you just accept things just to have someone. Its not worth it.

[blio2000]

Threads merged

Ive been wanted to get this out for a while, and haven't had anyone to hear me out and give me adivice. So Im in a relationship with a really great girl. At first, as in all relationships it went so well. No fighting etc. We fell in love very quickly. She has had a shaky past with relationships and has also tried to commit suicide in the past. I know you probably think she is unstable and most people will think differently about my situation with this said, but you have to know she is an amazing person. When I found all of this out, she said it would change my mind about her and it doesn't. Im the type of person to understand, care for and be there for anyone. I believe now she may be taking advantage of this. I feel as though I am walking on eggshells, not a good feeling and I know you may all have something to say about this.

I do love her and always let go of the little things. She gets mad at me for everything, and let me tell you I do nothing wrong. I have a head on my shoulders and I respect this girl very much. Ive never acted like this before, being afraid to miss phone calls, say the wrong thing because she twists everything. I don't want to plan to go out anywhere because she may get mad. I don't know lol. She almost has a bipolar disorder when she gets something in her head, there is no nice enough thing for me to say that will change that. She takes out everything on me, I get so scared sometimes for her because of the way she acts.

I want to be there for this person, I want to be the good in her life. I feel as though I have come into her life at an important time. I am up for any challenge because the way she makes me feel when times are good, is something everyone looks for. I tell her everything that I feel and how amazing she is, something nobody in her life has ever done. She has tried to break up with me telling me she is toxic and that I deserve so much better. She hurts me with things she says, yet I know its just the moment.

Ive been in a relationship before where the girl has walked all over me. Im starting to think nice guys do finish last. I put my whole heart into everything I do. She knows I won't break up with her and if I threaten it she will play it like she doesn't care. Very smart.

After all of this, why am I so hooked. Im so afraid of losing her as a girlfriend, and I never want her to be in the spot she has been in the past. I love her, and so I put up with all of this stuff, all the arguments. I go home so upset its ridiculous.

I know what most of the advice will lead to, yet I don't know what I want to hear right now. Thanks, I will try to respond to any questions, comments asap.

[Starry nights]

Blio,you sound to be a really caring,thoughtful,kind guy,who has the generosity to put somebody else's well-being ahead of his own.A really nice guy,in fact!And like you yourself said,you pretty much know what advice you're going to get here:)

Friend,its difficult to step back from the person you love and evaluate your relationship with her objectively.When the times are good,you don't even have to.When the going's rocky and most of all,causing you so much distress and dilemma,its important for you to do that in YOUR best interests.Yes,Blio,charity begins at home.If you don't take care of yourself,love yourself and protect yourself,how can you be a complete person who has the strength to take on life's challenges?Loving someone does mean putting their interests ahead of yours,but definitely not at the cost of your own life and health,right?

Your girlfriend sounds like she might have a serious case of insecurity and also an inferiority complex.She surely doesn't love herself,calling herself toxic and all.She depends on you to solve her life and personality problems,which isn't fair.I am not saying she's doing all this on purpose,in order to harm you or anything.She's just like that,as a person because of all her past baggage,emotional upheavals and the like.Doesnt look like she's moved on from all that.

In this situation,you have to try drill some mature,practical,hard-hitting sense.Not shielding her,pampering her or trying to "make it better",but talking as two mature adults who want a relationship to work.You aren't here on this earth as her sole protector and armour.Tell her she's causing you pain.Tell her you want a happy,wholesome relationship with her where you don't have to constantly be on your toes and re-think every action of yours.Tell her,while you want to be there to support her,you can't take on all her problems and issues.If you can't tell her all this,she will never know what the impact of her actions on you are.Communication,in the right manner,is the key.

She needs to do some work on herself pro-activley(maybe,in some areas,even without you),for her own benefit,before she can have a relationship.And if you are the one telling her that(again,because you are thinking of her benefit and well-being),then so be it.

If this kind of talk doesn't help or she's too immature to take it positively,you need to re-think your relationship.You can't put your life on hold for somebody else.Everybody deserves happiness.

[Starry nights]

You seem to have another which I came across after posting my reply on this thread.Which,my friend,adds a new dimension to your situation.On top of her personality and emotional probs,there's now a guy whom she's close to and whom you don't trust.

Makes it more like a trust issue in the relationship.We all have our own set of friends outside of relationships with our partners,but am positive we don't always have such trust issues with them,do we?If you are,then either there must be something that's bothering you big time about him,her and them or maybe you are over-analysing.In both cases,this could be an area which you need to work on along with this issue.

[friend4u178]

You seem to have another which I came across after posting my reply on this thread.Which,my friend,adds a new dimension to your situation..

Bilo
See this is why it's important to keep all your posts under the one thread , gives us all the information so you'll be able to get better advice.

[tany072075]

I can tell you from personal experience. I have many guy friends and that has been an issue when I start a new relationship. Not an issue for me but for him. It was difficult for me to constantly defend myself when I would hang out with them without my boyfriend. To me it was just like hanging out with a girl friend but my boyfriend didn't see it that way. It eventually tore us apart. I gave him absolutely no reason not to trust me and was completely honest with him from the beginning about my guy friends. But the comments that he would make and all the texts and phone calls during my time with friends just got to be too much. Friends are very important regardless of if they are same or opposite sex. If you are truly that insecure about this, she will pick up on that and it may end your relationship. I'm sure you don't want that to happen. Have you ever hung out with her and her guy friends to see how they act together?

[slapshot_oi]

If you've only been dating for two months, and she's talking to this guy on a regular basis, sounds to me she's testing the waters to see who she wants to be with more.

If you're worried now, think about years down the road when you've actually invested a lot of time, money and effort into the relationship.

She knows I wont break up with her and if I threaten it she will play it like she doesnt care. Very smart.

That's kind of a big deal. She knows you're going to let her get away with anything.

[starlite1]

I agree with slapshot. You need to see that in two months, she is continuting to speak to this guy on a regular basis. Sounds to me that she doesn't know who or what she wants. If I were you, I would think twice about this relationship.

[talaniman]

If your putting her needs before yours after so short a time, then your moving way to fast. Your ignoring the obvious in the hopes she will stay with you.

Trust me, no one needs love at the expense of themselves, that's not love that's dependence.

One thing that's obvious is your trying to get back what you had in the past with this female, but your paying to high a price for it. *

Are you sure your ready for another relationship?? I personally don't.

*The obvious!!?? She ain't as into you, as you are her. Its not her fault either, as your a stranger to her.

[summer7]

Hi,
Until you actually discover that she has been unfaithful, sounds like they are just friends. You can always be upfront with her and just let her know that you want to be clear on some things. As Sara Callam writes, "Do you trust your gut feelings and intuition?" If you are feeling unsure, just have an honest talk with her. Then put it behind you.

I have lots of guy friends and some of them would be considered players. I'm not interested in them especially because of this. I give them advice about girls. We share stories and jokes and I'll get a guy's perspective from them. Also, they've told me so many of their deepest, darkest secrets that it makes me feel sorry for the girls they get together with. Hah!

Honest communication is always the best!

[blio2000]

Hey everyone, thanks again for responding. So we had a talk last night after she read a post on my Facebook wall from an old friend who is a female wanting to catch up by getting a coffee or a drink. I responded by saying yes because in light of this situation, there is no reason why I cannot have a female friend as I am truly faithful and would never do anything to Jeopardize the relationship. She read this and I noticed she was upset. I then proceeded to ask why it was OK for her to hang out for lunch and the bar with her male friend who continuously give each other <3 in their posts. She got sooo defensive, asked me to drive her home and I did. She then called back and we talked until the issue is resolved. But in her view, this was aaall my fault. She is stubborn by saying I will never be friends with him again don't worry. That's besides the point. She has been cheated on before and was worried that I was just another average guy who would hurt her. We are both in the same boat so to speak. I have taken all the advice and have drawn to the conclusion that I will not make any rash decisions regarding this matter and that until there is something to worry about I won't. Either way, everything is always turned around on me and the feeling of whether Im going to have a good day or not with her is really not a good one. I want this to work, and so does she. She poured her heart out last night and told me how much I mean to her. So I know that she and I are ready for a relationship and that she knows what she wants. She is a VERY difficult person to be with and she has said it herself. This does not discourage me however. I wasn't really worried about her cheating, I was just worried about her getting to close to this guy and developing feelings towards him. Now that I know how she feels I am more confident that issue will soon be resolved.

Thanks again