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shan09 · Jan 28, 2009, 06:36 PM

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 and 1/2 years. I am 29 and he just turned 34. He keeps saying he wants to marry me, but won't propose. We talk about children and moving in our future (but I am getting older). He agreed to look at rings after I said our relationship was over if he doesn't start taking action. Was this wrong to do? He also has said that "we'll go look at rings b/c that is what will make YOU happy". However, we did look, but he keeps making excuses like everything else comes before us. We don't live together and I have suggested living together also, which he really hasn't given me an answer to. Here's another thing, he still lives at home and never lived away from home for a long period (even lived at home while he went to college). Am I just wasting my time? I really love him and want to be with him, but do you think he'll ever come around? What else can I do?

Lowtax4eva · Jan 28, 2009, 06:56 PM

He does not want to be married or living together.

He is going to say what you want to hear and delay and avoid actually taking the next step. Its very obvious he likes you but does not intend to get serious.

You have to decide what you want.

talaniman · Jan 28, 2009, 08:34 PM

I think he does enough to keep you off his back, but its obvious he doesn't want to get married, or live with you. Maybe what you need is a nice long vacation from him, if you can't get a straight answer. Or better yet, take the vacation any way. A long one.

shan09 · Jan 28, 2009, 08:41 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think he does enough to keep you off his back, but its obvious he doesn't want to get married, or live with you. Maybe what you need is a nice long vacation from him, if you can't get a straight answer. Or better yet, take the vacation any way. A long one.

Thanks for the advice... I do NEED a real vacation. Maybe I will go away for a while (if I can afford it). Are you male? I'm wondering if I could see what guys think about this. Guys I talk to tell me just to give him time.. :( not sure what to believe, but your advice seems realistic.

zeeniee · Jan 28, 2009, 09:00 PM

Hi Shane 09,

From what you have said- it does look like he does not want to make commitments to the next level- like living together and getting married.

I think his words are just giving you FALSE HOPE. Eventually you will get fed up and realise he is not going to do anything and you will just end up wasting your good time, energy and life.

You should start to do more things for you - like going on hols with your friends, getting your own place, and spending more time with friends etc and leave him wondering somewhat. His actions will tell you a lot about him.

MarkwithaK · Jan 28, 2009, 09:29 PM

Giving him an ultimatum was huge mistake. You backed him into a corner.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 28, 2009, 10:07 PM

This, coming from a guy who has been threatened into a marriage, can tell you... agreeing with Mark, you did back him into a corner.

My college girlfriend said that we were once going "too slow" after dating for 1.5 years, so we decided to move in together. Bad decision. It wasn't that I didn't love her, but I wasn't ready for it. We broke it off soon after.

With that said, what's been done has been done. He isn't ready to move forward, but that's his problem, not really yours. Like tal said, take a vacation... and take some time away. See what that does.

No guy wants to be dragged into a marriage.

uhhleesha · Jan 28, 2009, 10:14 PM

Obviously you don't want to drag a crying man kicking and screaming into a marriage. That'd be disastrous.

To shed a new light, time isn't exactly on your side to wait for children. Fertility starts to decline from 30 onwards, making it harder to get pregnant. Your eggs are with you for day one, so the older you are the older they are and the more likely hood of something bad happening. Keep that in mind, as well.