[Tasha99]

Okay so I just saw my ex from almost 2 years ago. He looks a little better than he used to & seeing him reminded me of the special " fun" we used to have; which is how we got together in the first place. So he was talking all this stuff & he had been drinking. He was saying that he was hoping we could get back together & he remembered what we used to do. I will admit, seeing him made my feelings start coming back & I have been thinking a lot about him since this weekend. But I told him that I live with someone , which I do. I love him in a different way. He's almost 10 yrs my senior, but is very responsible & I have learned a lot about being in a relationship from him. We have our issues but there is love there.

The only thing is that when it comes to sex I know my ex will turn me out & I miss that. I just want to be with him for like a weekend or something. The thing about my ex is that you never know what he is really going to do. He's the type who will promise something, but may disappear the next day; or he will be right on time. I don't feel I can trust him in that way; but the attraction is there & is really staying on my mind. I'm not sure ( well he hasn't called since saturday) if he really wants more, or was that just the drinking talking.
Anyway, Ive been wanting to call and try to see him again, but I don't want to go back to feeling for him because his track record with me is not so good.

So I'm wondering if I should be rational about this, and stay away from him, or try to get with him again, even if it is just for short term?

[HistorianChick]

You know that your heart is going to be broken once again, at the end of this... why do it to yourself?

You're in a relationship, therefore, you shouldn't be considering yourself available to "get back with him" even for a weekend.

In my opinion, if you are not committed to your current relationship, get out of it. I wouldn't go after this ex because you know he is going to hurt you - you said you can't trust him, why set yourself up to fall?

[Tasha99]

Yea I am committed. I care a lot for my bf& I haven't been in a relationship this long before.
Its just that, and I don't mean to sound like a hooker, but my ex's "package" is really large & that's what I was used to before I got with the guy I'm with now. We also are the same age & he has his own house now, which he didn't have before either. But, the downside was I also got hurt more often, and like I said, I couldn't trust him with a can of paint. He let me down a lot, until I asked him to leave my place.

I guess I know what to do, but its hard to be a woman with hormones sometimes. If I was a guy & he was a girl, I probably would have had a one night stand or something & gone about my business with no feelings attached.. lol

[ThatGuy2]

And if you are going to set yourself up for failure anyway, don't drag your current boyfriend down with you. He does not deserve this- no one deserves this. If you don't have the power to endure temptation, then I suggest you speak with your current boyfriend and let him know. Better he finds out now than after you've cheated on him. If you still don't know what to do, then I think you need time for yourself to think and realize what exactly it is that you need; meaning no relationship right now. (Oh and if you only want him back for his bigger package, that's not love... )

[HistorianChick]

Yup, it's hard to be a woman with hormones.

But, it's even harder to deal with a guilty conscience.

You're considering cheating on your relationship because of the size of a guy's package?? How old are you? That's awful. Your current boyfriend would be SO offended if he heard that... I'm offended for him.

I'm sorry, but you need to grow up. A relationship isn't about size; it's about commitment. If you're not committed, you shouldn't be in one.

And don't tell me "you have no idea." From one hormonal woman to another, don't think from your pants.

[Tasha99]

OK Wow.
You guys really told me.. lol

I'm glad you did though... I needed to hear voices of reason. I didn't think I was going to go through with it though. I guess him being on my mind has been a residue from my somewhat promiscuos past. I never really had relationships & the one I had with him was only a few months. I used to date around and choose men to sleep with according to superficial requirements ( like package size). I'm 28 now & am trying to move into a more mature direction.

I guess every once in a while reminders of your past behavior comes a'knocking on your door.. lol

[HistorianChick]

I'm 28 now & am trying to move into a more mature direction.

There is always the chance to turn around and be more mature.

I hesitated being harsh because on here, you really never the responses that you're going to get. But, one thing about AMHD... you'll get great advice.

Just your reply to my post is very revealing to me. If you truly are trying to grow up, your honesty is rather refreshing.

You're recognizing your weaknesses, entertaining thoughts of what if, but seeing the results, are choosing to rise above the hormones. That's a great step in the right direction.

Now, its all up to you. As you said, you've had the reality check... hopefully, you're woman enough to stand up, do the right thing, and work on your relationship.

[Synnen]

You want a big package?

They sell them in sex shops.

[starbuck8]

You say you are committed. Commmitement requires trust and respect for your partner. Doing this would only mean that one person is committed and respectful, and it wouldn't be you. If you love your partner, you will not do this to him. Even if he doesn't find out, you will know. Can you live with that?

Think about this carefully, before you go to pick up your "package!" If you want a bigger package, you can get one for around $29.95 at a store near you! ;)

[Tasha99]

So... everyones' advice was good.
I had a reason to wonder what I should do about him though...
I didn't mention earlier that me & my boyfriend have gone through major trust issues. We live together and one evening another woman unlocked the door & I found out that he had given her a key. Apparently its his ex from a few years ago. She said all this crap to me while we were all in the apartment & it became a fiasco where he ended up telling her to leave. We had a big blowup about it & essentially he said he was sorry for giving her the key, but he promised he never cheated with her.

I was really upset, but I eventually decided to believe him over her & have been trying to forgive him. Things died down with us & we have been getting along for the last couple months for the most part.

Well ,tonight something kept telling me to check his phone. Not the best thing but I did & discovered that she called recently. I asked him straight up has he seen or talked to her he said no. Then he said she called but he didn't answer.

I asked him about what he said he would do at the time; that if she doesn't mail the key as she promised he would change the locks He's never changed the locks & has not gotten the key. He said he was/is going to change the locks, but he hasn't done it yet because it costs money! I don't really believe him & I am pretty pissed off.

I'm just feeling really disrespected & not sure what to do right now.
He's hardworking, does not go out much, and pays for everything in the household. IVe been trying to weigh the pros and cons. I just feel so disrespected by this. Am I being a stupid woman; or asking too much?

[starbuck8]

Wow, did I just get a flashback in time there! I had the same thing happen yrs. Ago. There was a big made up cover story, that unfortunately I fell for. I knew in my gut that something was very wrong, but I chose to ignore my gut. Never do that! I wish I hadn't, because my gut was right, and he had been seeing this girl for months behind my back. He was very good at hiding it, except for this one slip up, until I started finding her number on his phone also.

Something sounds very fishy with your boyfriends story. Why the heck would a girl that he dated a few yrs. Ago, casually stop by after all of that time, and think it would be all right to just use this key? Something isn't right there! Now you've found out that she's been calling? I'm sure that's not the first time she's called. I don't think you're that clairvoyant, and just got lucky enough to see the one and only call.

You have every right to feel disrespected. There is something going on that your boyfriend isn't telling you. There doesn't seem to be very good communication between the two of you!

Just from what you've said, the cons outweigh the pros no matter how you look at it! Are you willing to stay and let yourself be disrespected, just because he pays the bills? If you let this go without dealing with it, it will destroy whatever relationship you have anyway!

[cjeep23]

It sounds to me like you are the reason for the trust issues. You say that you love your current boyfriend? Well Im sorry but if that was really true, then you wouldn't even be considering this. If this guy has hurt you in the past then you would have to be out of your mind to leave someone who loves you for someone with a "big package". That has to be about one of the most shallow things I have heard in a long time.

[starbuck8]

It sounds to me like you are the reason for the trust issues. You say that you love your current bf? Well Im sorry but if that was really true, then you wouldn't even be considering this. If this guy has hurt you in the past then you would have to be out of your mind to leave someone who loves you for someone with a "big package". That has to be about one of the most shallow things I have heard in a long time.

Have you bothered to read through all of the posts?. or did you just come here to hand out insults? Do your reading first please, and give constructive informed advice!

[HistorianChick]

Hon, it is never wrong to expect monogamy in a relationship - that's the essence of being together... you're TOGETHER.

There are some problems here... I agree with Starbuck - this isn't the first time.

You guys need to sit down and talk about this. You expect monogamy, HE expects monogamy. If you are both not willing to be monogamous (or, if one of you is not), then the relationship has reached a dead end.

You don't deserve to be cheated on, nor does he... Something has to change!

Best of luck. :)

[talaniman]

So you just wanted some sex, since your having problems at home. That's what all cheaters say.

I'm 28 now & am trying to move into a more mature direction.

Be smart, and deal with home, and focus on resolving that issue, first.

If you stay forget they ex. If you leave, you can zoom whoever you want, without the guilt, or cheating. That would be the mature way to handle yourself, in my view.

[Tasha99]

Well I basically wrote him an email, explaining my frustrations about the situation. I don't know how it is going to go over.

But I feel it is so unfair to me. I mean how are you going to give a key to me & I'm there signing the lease w/u & then you give another key to an ex, " just in case"? I already have a key & it does not make sense.

Then I let it go with you promising that she was going to mail the key back, or you will change the locks within a week or two. Now its been a couple of months and your saying you haven't done anything yet & you blame it on the money?

Man... I swear I'm really hurt behind this & I can't tell if he cares at all.

His defense is " oh im not cheating, i come home every night, i don't go out like that, i care because you are living here rent free,I put you on my insurance, etc."

But by the way, he works late sometimes. He comes home ranging from 6-9pm at night. I don't talk to him during the day so he could be doing anything in addition to his job.
I just... I just can't believe he is being so inconsiderate of me & how I feel about this.


Sometimes I think relationships are stupid because everybody is PRETENDING to be faithful & hones , when most people just are not at all...

[Irishgirl]

I don't think you should give up on love just because of past experience. I think it's pretty dodgy what your bf's doing and he doesn't seem to be defending himself a whole lot. Is is possible, with your ex, that you have rose tinted glasses on and r just remembering the good times and not the 95% of the time? In your heart of heart I think you considered your ex because you know things at home aren't right.
Ps This is 2009 girls who pay their own way get respect,why would you want to owe anything to a man? No offence just my view