[pennybot]

I too have always grown up with ma'am as a term of respect.

Same as 'hon'
I ran into one lady that had deep rooted personal issues to 'hon' and would go batty on people who said it to her regardless of what they meant.
Later I had found out that her husband would beat her and use the word 'hon' in a scathing way.. so rather than facing the person and his behaviour as the cause of her feelings, which she felt helpless about, she connected her feelings of indignity to the word "hon". It became a trigger for her. Perhaps she felt that it was something she could control more than her husband - which is out of her control.

I'd look at how the person said it.. if they are saying words in a mean way, they could make any word sound derogatory. And what would we do then? We can't ban all words that they would use. Why give them so much power over us?
Words alone are just words..
The words a hurtful person would use are just a symptom. A weapon. A utility. It's one of the many ways hurtful people reach out to touch others. If it weren't words, it would be actions. And we can't punish everyone else and what they say or do over what one hurtful person did.
It would be more effective to hold the person, the root of the problem responsible for intent rather than everything they say or do.

I vote that if you do have a person in your life saying simple words like that to you in a derogatory way, you should consider walking away from the person and consider your life without them or at least give them the ultimatum. After all, who needs people like that!

[31pumpkin]

I just noticed that this is in the Mental Health & W. category. Do you think this belongs here, because isn't it making the question heavier? Or am I flying again? Ma'am is not that threatening to most people, neither is Hon. I think.

But I agree. Tone & intention count for more than the words.

Ma'am IS awful. But it could be worse! Lol :(

[fed up]

Maybe it is the way it is said. I don't mind as long as it is in a respectful way. My daughter lives in Florida and she said everyone is referred to as Miss. I would find that very different. Where I live you are referred to as your first name or Mrs.

[Fr_Chuck]

I don't know, I get called "father' everywhere I go, and just don't understand it.

Ok, joking aside for what little joke that was but culture is very different, respect of others and respect of elders differ from areas of the US and in various nations.

I had an experience a few years ago, there was an asian gentlement, he called the police on his wife, he wanted her taken to jail, her crime, she had disrespected the mans mother. His mother was ill, and his wife had not wished her well and told her she wanted her to get better, so this was a crime bad enough to be bansihed from the house and to be sent to some level of "wife jail". And the wife was ready to be banished for her evil disrespect. We believe he also hit her but could not prove it, and she said she deserved all the punishment she was to get.

So culture has a lot to do with the way we see things. And age.

[Kay27]

Ma'am is used for elders where miss is used for younger women. At least that is where I live.

If a child is told to do something in school they say, "yes, ma'am." However, if their teacher is Katie SoandSo they call her Miss Katie. So here where I live they are almost interchangable.

Hmmm. What's your term for "younger" men then?

Why is it okay for women to be called certain names according to their age, and not men?

That's one reason so many women hate Ma'am, because them same terms don't apply to men. Meaning, there's no male equivalent for "Miss".

[wewed100606]

Just my take on the whole offensive word thing, no matter what we apply it to. For cripes sakes, what is the big deal with our f*ing world and country? Everybody is so hypersensitive about everything whether it be words or stereotypes, or whatever. The people that use words in derogatory means, or stereotypes as belittling have the mindset of a child and all of you people who show hypersensitivity to these comments are just giving them what they want. LOOK IF I SAY THIS I GET MY NAME IN LIGHTS. Just stop giving a crap. WOrd and stereotypes don't perpetuate themselves, peope giving a damn and showing a reaction to stereotypes and words perpetuate them. It is basc pyschology and quite honestly I am sick of SUPPOSEDLY intelligent people wasting there breath criticising people who are trying to get criticized... QUIK GIVING THEM WHAT THEY WANT AND THEY WILL STOP!


Sorry for venting, but as for the "ma'am" thing... you have to be kidding me right? What's next "mom" being offensive?

[fed up]

As I said before. We could be called a lot worse.

[Choux]

Having grown up in the mid 1950's, I saw many an episode of "Dragnet" cop series with Jack Web staring icily at a rambling woman and cutting her off saying, "Just the facts, ma'am."

Ma'am has always turned me off, but not many called me that in my life, many people younger than I gravitated to Miss B____, (my last name). I thought that was the most respectful of all.

[wewed100606]

I think no matter what the word may be, the tone of voice used and the context it is delivered within should dictate whether it is "offensve" to the applicable invidual or not. I do not think it can be a broad society wide agreement of what is and is not "offensive". You are all a little to Utopian for me. :-)