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altoids · Jan 23, 2009, 11:23 PM

I love my boyfriend and I no there are MANY threads like this one and I no u are suppose to keep yourself busy and time heals all but he was SUCH a good guy, he got along with my family and I got along with his... he was sooo understanding and patience. I mean he had flaws but I accpeted them. I really saw a future with him and at one point he felt the same way... we dated for 2 yrs and one day I decided to take a break about 2 weeks ago just to see if he would say no I would never kind of thing.. well my plan backfired and a week after our stupid break he decided he'd rather not be in a relationship. I asked him why and he told me how amazing I was and all that but he just felt like he needed space mentally. ( We barely saw one another maybe one or twice a week) so I didn't understand I went to pick up my things from his place and he didn't try to stop me at all... its been a couple of weeks and he hasn't even tried to contact me. A friend of mine told me he and a couple of his friends went out one weekend after we split and got drunk and he told me that my X wasn't taking the break up so well... So I don't understand why he doesn't just call me and fiz things. I don't feel like I should always try to fix things and call him and I don't want to look stupid I want him to realize what I realize for once that what we had was great and it's a shame to throw something like that away... PLEASE HELP WHAT SHOULD I DO... (btw this might seem crazy and it is but I no he isn't cheating or seeing anyone else because I can see his phone bill and who he calls... ) oops... I had to know though...

Illusion · Jan 24, 2009, 01:47 AM

Well - how about writing him a letter and telling him how you feel? That you miss him and have been thinking of him. It might not be best to tell him that you want to get back together now - but that you would like to stay in touch with him. You both sound like - it hurt both of you to break up. He may not want to talk about the break-up - 1) because he is still dealing with his emotions over it, or 2) he may have decided to move on - it doesn't mean he does not care because I am sure he does care for you since you spent two years together - right now, don't press the issue. I would say, write him, try to keep it short and sweet - and honest, - and let him know you care about him. If he is not ready to talk then don't press it for now - he may be too upset to talk right now. Just stay in touch with him - when the time is right you can bring up the deep feelings you have for him and that you want to talk about getting back together. Proceed slowly. Take care.

neverme · Jan 24, 2009, 05:19 AM

Look he said he needs space mentally so you have to give him that. Just because he's not contacting you doesn't mean his life is all OK, that he's totally moving on. Not at all. But he asked you for something and you agreed so give him that.

If you are to talk to him and try to fix things you will never know if you coaxed him into it or if that's really what he wanted and you just showed him the light. Those doubts will fester in your head and create a divide between that will be much harder to fix than the physical space now.

I find it help to write a very frank and honest letter to him, but NOT send it. This allows you to get all your feelings out and vent without compromising your relationship.

'If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were.'

Unfortunately, this is true.

XM8 · Jan 24, 2009, 06:49 AM

Don't let this break up take control of your life - you should control it.

As mentioned above, leave your ex some mental space - I'm sure he's dealing with his own feelings, trying to calm himself down. If he got together with his buddies to get drunk, you can be damn sure he cares and he's not just goofing around happily.

Don't pressure him, but do write him some kind of note telling him that you miss him and that you would like to keep some form of contact going.

Remember, don't rush things.

Take care,

-Xm8

talaniman · Jan 24, 2009, 10:32 AM

Your game of manipulations backfired where you should have talked about it. You made him think you didn't care so of course he left. Not good.

Talk to him, you owe him an explanation, and an apology for being manipulative, controlling, and dishonest.

Make sure this is what you want though, as any more BS, he will hate you. I would had you played that game with me.

Will he want you back after that? Only he knows.

XM8 · Jan 24, 2009, 10:36 AM

Yea well being manipulative is really annoying.
If you really were just trying to test his reaction, tell him that, it's that simple. You cannot control the outcome but at least he'll know what you were trying to do and might understand.

altoids · Jan 25, 2009, 01:08 AM

Thank you guys so much for your replies I haven't called at all and its been about 3 weeks its hard but I'm trying. I will def. take up the idea of typing a letter basically to vent and maybe send it eventually like when?

411Help · Jan 25, 2009, 03:19 AM

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ja77 · Jan 25, 2009, 06:08 AM

Originally Posted by altoids

thank you guys so much for ur replies i havent called at all and its been about 3 weeks its hard but im trying. I will def. take up the idea of typing a letter basically to vent and maybe send it eventually like when?

I read sometime ago on the net some place in regards to what you have said about writing the letter above.

The advise was something like sit down in a quite place and be very claim and then take pen to paper and write and write until you feel there is nothing left for you to write then take the letter and burn it, this was part of something to do with the sybol of letting go.

Romefalls19 · Jan 25, 2009, 06:17 AM

Don't write a letter! You tried to play mind games and they backfired, suck it up and face him like a mature person. Accept whatever he decides as you made your bed.

How would you feel if you think everything is fine then your spouse rips the rug out from under your feet? It's always hard to get back in the ring, especially with the one who knocked you out in the first place.

neverme · Jan 25, 2009, 06:25 AM

I suggested it. You NEVER send the letter the whole point is just to vent. NEVER NEVER send it!

ja77 · Jan 25, 2009, 06:29 AM

Originally Posted by neverme

I suggested it. You NEVER send the letter the whole point is just to vent. NEVER NEVER send it!

I agree my advise was to do it then burn it straight away.

XM8 · Jan 25, 2009, 09:32 AM

Well I don't know about the letter thing...

I understand it's to let your emotions out, but there's no need to go and burn it, then it'll just look like some kind of voodoo ritual lol

Of course you can do what you like with that letter, but what I'm trying to say is, one way or another get your emotions out.

Getting your emotions out is so important, I cannot stress it enough. After my break up with my ex girl friend, I had no friends to turn to, and no one to talk to. In my childish mind I thought crying would make me look like a girl so I turned to drinking.

Never go down that path of solitude and bottling up your emotions. Just get them out, cry the pain out or talk to a friend, or write a letter. Once you have done this, you will be able to handle the situation effectively, without getting past emotions in the way.

Face your boy friend like a mature person and just tell him what you were up to. As they say "honesty is the best policy".

Good evening,

-Xm8

Nestorian · Jan 25, 2009, 01:16 PM

Some times we need to face our fears alone. "Named must your fear be before banish it you can.” - yoda
He may have some things to deal with before he can be with you. Even though it hurts so incredibly deeply, he must over come this or these tasks. Be patient and face any fears you may have, including losing him, but you can do it. Have faith in yourself.

You are the only one who knows what you should do, but be aware that life isn't always Peaches and cream. Some times we have to lat our bad feelings be, and try to live our lives any way.

Peace and kindness be with you.

ThatGuy2 · Jan 25, 2009, 01:47 PM

You tried to test him by going on a break? Love is not a game. You take responsibility for your actions and feelings. What ever happened to communication? Like Tal said, you owe him an explanation and an apology. Good luck.

altoids · Jan 27, 2009, 06:03 PM

OK its not that I "tested" him by taking a break it was kind of my way telling him which I did that I felt like he wasn't making much of an effort to spend time with me. Every time it would be me making plans and he would just go along with it he never took initative and it was really bothering me and I told him and he said I no but didn't say ill fix it or anything.. so that's when I said maybe we should take a little break and see how it goes because I need you to want to basically I guess see me? And that's what it was all about and when he broke up with me a week later he called me because he thought he got a missed call from me and I asked him what is going on with us and he said I don't think its going to work you're an amazing girl and all but I think its best this way. WTH?

Nestorian · Jan 27, 2009, 06:09 PM

Your plan kind worked. You wanted him to want to spend time with you, and so you said I want space, with the hope that he'd realize how much he wanted you. But, her decided that he was just upsetting you, and that he wasn't happy so the best thing to do is go your separate ways.

You will find some one else, but this you must face, being on your own. You can do that, be independent, because you already are. He is gone and the best you can do is let go of him.

I am sorry. Peace and kindness.

moonbounce7 · Jan 27, 2009, 06:32 PM

Sounds like you have a lot of thinking to do. I think there's 3 ways to interpret his response to you asking for a break:
1) he actually WANTED a break, and here was the perfect opportunity to have one.
2) he felt really hurt when you asked him for a break, and instead of begging (like you wanted him to), he thought it would seem weak if he begged, so just went along with it.
3) he thought his best shot at keeping you was to do what you wanted (have a break), and he's hoping to get you back.

I think what you need to do is tell him (not in a letter! Face to face, to show that you're sincere) that you made a mistake, and that you really do care a lot about him and want to be with him. Then you're in the vulnerable position, and he'll feel safe saying that he wants you back too. I wouldn't tell him about your little manipulative scheme though.

talaniman · Jan 27, 2009, 06:40 PM

He has a history of going along with your plans, so what made you think he was going to change his ways this time?

Don't test, talk and listen

altoids · Feb 13, 2009, 02:50 PM

So I know I wrote about the worst break up and got get advice but... continuing the story... My boyfriend broke up with me and hasn't even bothered to contact me in a month... its been bothering me like crazy so last night well at 4 am I messaged him and said I miss you and I got nothing back at all... I don't want him to think I want him back I just really did miss him.. but it killed when he didn't even bother to say anything at all back... what should I do? I wanted to message him again but I don't know if its such a good idea.. and I really wouldn't know what to say... PLEASE HELP! (he's treating me like we broke up because I cheated or did somehting bad.. which def. was not at all the case!)