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eira · Aug 1, 2006, 09:40 PM

Hello guys, I have a big problem which is I am so jealous of a friend since we were kids and every guy say that she is beautiful I hate them and I do not want to interact with them any more even he says he loves me I do not believe it and I break up with him, what you think I should do? It is destroying my life and I feel so ugly and I compare myself to her and I feel every body is going to leave me for her

LUNAGODDESS · Aug 1, 2006, 09:56 PM

Some one must have dropped you on your head as a baby... what the heck is wrong with this statement

... "...i do not want to interact with them any more even he says he loves me i do not believe it and i break up with him..."

I love you baby... I need you baby... and this is you... I break up with you because some day you will leave me for that other girl over there... This is me Stop! You have just given some one power over you. There is the old anecdote... if no one has nothing to say about you than you do not matter... you have made this other girl more valued then she probably desired... stop this self hatred. Before you chase him away be being ugly to yourself again stop it STOP IT!!

momincali · Aug 1, 2006, 10:07 PM

We all have someone who is more beautiful, smarter, cuter, funnier... etc. then we are, so what? It's just a fact of life. The sooner we accept that and accept who and what we are, the better our life will be.

You need to be comfortable and confident in your own skin or no one will see what you have to offer. They won't care what you look like if your behavior is so negative, even if YOU were the most beautiful woman.

A confident woman is a beautiful and attractive woman, so work on that and stop worrying about what you look like on the outside.

eira · Aug 1, 2006, 11:30 PM

Hello guys, thank you for replying. I need to get this off my chest and let some one help me with it along time ago I kept it inside because I felt it is degrading to me (this friend is taken, it is not like the person I am with he is going to leave me for her) u can not imagine how deep this affected me especially because I am trying to deny it even to myself and try to have good self esteem but you are all right I just need to get it out and hear you after me telling you the real truth about my deep shamful feelings because I think jealousy is weakness and I do not want to be weak and I want to go on with my life but I just have this bad episodes and they are getting more and more and I can not get someone who likes me admire her too because we are different and that means this guy can not be attracted or see that we are both beautiful (u only think your type is beautiful, right? And I analyze that if he can not get her and still think she is beautiful that means he is lying to me or just think I am just available but not as likable as her and he can not get her because she is taken, this whole story because somebody said he liked me and then said if your friend was not taken I would take her in a second and that was hurtful to me but I just ignored it because I do not want to show that I am jealous and he at other days say to me that I am the most beautiful woman he's ever senn you know what I am saying? Words are powrful and I needed those so badly and if you can give me more I will appreciated. Thank you so much guys

pennybot · Aug 2, 2006, 05:24 AM

Heterosexual men will always notice women. That's a fact of biology. Even when the hormone's still 'check out' other people, the heart has already made up it's mind to be with you.

K_3 · Aug 2, 2006, 05:51 AM

Jealousy can be an emotion that can destroy you and a relationship. That was an unkind remark that person said about if your friend was not taken etc. That was one thoughtless ignorant person, so let it go. It sounds like you have more of a self confident issue going on here. You have gotten some good advice. We are all unique and we each have something that will attract others to us. Having beauty is a great gift, but there is so much more to someone than beauty. Beauty will get you lots of looks, but the lasting friendships/relationships takes more than the top layer of skin. When the inside of a person is beautiful it shows through. You are putting all of your worth on you looks. If I felt someone only cared for me for my looks, I would be scared to death they would leave me if I had some sort of accident that would cause a flaw. Goodness, stop and listen to yourself.

I know words are powerful, they can change how a person feels about themselves if you allow them. One has to learn not to take what others say personally. Don't give others controlling power over you. Learn to like the good qualities you have and your own beauty. Why do you want to believe the bad things someone says to you but not the good? Just because someone else is pretty does not mean you aren't pretty in a different way.

My boss was always great about handing out compliments about my looks. I told him one day, if everyone spent as much time making the inside of themselves as beautiful as they do on their outside, it would a beautiful world we would live in. Beauty fades but a loving personality stays forever.

Jealousy can make one look quite ugly, so be careful. When you think beautiful thoughts of yourself and your friend, look in the mirror and see the transformation on your face.

Krs · Aug 2, 2006, 06:06 AM

http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/ho...ousy/index.asp

http://www.all-about-jealousy.com/

A few good website to help you get passed jealousy.

eira · Aug 3, 2006, 08:57 PM

Thank you guys for your words, it is just hard and shameful I guess to have these kind of feelings, it just makes you feel so little. I really would like to hear if some of you have close feelings or experience to this and how you rcoping with it to be in peace with yourself and let go of this (evil) feelings I say they are evil because they are easy at times can take over you and you have to fight them.

Krs · Aug 4, 2006, 12:27 AM

eira when I first started dating man I used to be quite jealous.

He was my first steady boyfriend, and I moved from my country to go be with him in England. Obviously it was great but on the other hand I was being introduced to all his friends, incl. female friends and ex girl friends...

I must admit most of males and female mates where nice and welcoming me really well, but there where a few who were quite nasty to me. There was 1 in particular who did her utmost for me to believe that her amicable relationship with my boyfriend was actually more than just friends, and what they shared was unique..
She would say stuff like "there are only 2 men in my life... my dad and James".. bla bla bla... we would be at a bar.. she would immeditaley sit on his lap... He would tell her to f**k off etc... but she would just laugh and make an excuse like because there is me around that's why he acting like that.

I trusted him with my eyes shut.. I knew it was her and not him.
Initially I used to get jealous as she did make be believe there was more it to then just friends, not that he went behind my back, but maybe in the past before I was around!

Anyway... I soon learnt how to over how to pi** her off myself.. after all he was me with me and not here.
At first I wasn't sure how to take action as I was in new surroundings meeting new people etc, but that was short lived I stuck up for myself and made a fool of her.. and she soon got the message..

I overcame my jealously and the ball was in my court now... She was the jealous one!

eira · Aug 4, 2006, 03:03 AM

I like your story especially that u gave that woman a lesson to be a better person or at least to leave other couples alone, very helpful story. Thank u krs

Krs · Aug 4, 2006, 03:07 AM

You are welcome.
I have got quite a few stories to tell :)

Krs · Aug 4, 2006, 03:12 AM

Ohhh another thing this girl said to me once
" no one knows James like i do ", " no one," "we go way way back me and james and he will always be in my life"...

That's when I told James... "honey, im askin you this coz i respect you and love you, but do u mind if i tell your long lasting friend to F**K right off, and to go find herself a hobby, instead of trying to break us up, or whatever she is trying to do"

I had to ask him thou.. just out of pure respect!

He was like " go for it, please do, she is gettin on my nerves".

The next time I saw her... I did it :D

That's how I overcame my jealousy.. I worked on it and I managed.

eira · Aug 4, 2006, 04:26 AM

So krs how was your boyfriend reaction, did you expect him to take action, did you kind of take it out on him , just how exactly this at the time affected your relationship and I would love to hear more stories I am sure they will be helpful to hear other experiences, to learn something from them is to save time and to become more wiser. Thanks krs

Krs · Aug 4, 2006, 04:30 AM

I asked him before I took any action, and his reaction was very supportive of me.
I wanted to take action myself that's why I took the initiave to do so.

No I never took anything out on him, why should I, he was doing nothing wrong.

It was affecting me more than our relationship, she was making me jealous and tried to make me feel inferior to her, she was trying to make me think all sorts of things.. that's why I needed to put a stop to it, because then I didn't want her to put our relationship at risk, so I took actions before it got that far because I was seeing it ending that way!