[ashley1693]

Okay, a year ago my two closest friends got boyfriends. (seriouse ones) And I've never really been the one out of my friends to date a lot. An occasional date but no seriouse relationships. But that's all beside the point.

My friends and I were all around the ages of 14/15. I was also very close with my one cousin who was also my age. She had been sexually active for about a year with many different boys but having sex with each of them a lot. My cousin and I had always been very close and among many reasons (not the sexually active part in particular) I looked up to her and I guess in some ways wanted to be like her. Which brought on the lie...

My friends and their boyfriends were beginning to have sex after a few months. And I guess to be honest I was feeling a little out of the loop. Like my friends were moving on and finding new things to talk about and I wasn't really able to relate to their stories. So after a while I told my one friend that I had lost my virginity to a boy I was talking to. ( I really was talking to a boy but just not having sex with him) We had "hooked up" only twice and it never went below the waste. And quite frankly It never did with any boy. So in every sense of the word, I was a virgin. And still am. I also told another boy (who I began talking to a few months after the other boy and I stopped talking) that I was no longer a virgin. I had no intentions of being sexually active with the other boy though. The only person in my school who knows the truth is a boy who I trust very much that I've been friends with since middle school.For a while I was happy with my lie because I got to give sex advice I'd heard before and use sex stories I also heard and exchanged them with my friends. But now I feel utterly embarrassed and wish I could take it back.

That's what brough on this post. None of my friends know I lied but I feel guilty for lying to them and really regret it. I worry that sooner or later I will meet a special guy and he will have heard the story I claimed was true and I will have to explain to him the truth and he will be discusted by my lying and tell my friends which will eventually lead to them not liking me anymore. Or he will be fine with it but I won't be able to share that special story with my best girlfriends. Or the horrifying situation of me getting caught in a lie and in all the different situations getting made fun of, losing close friends, and just being completely mortified by embarrassment.


All of my friends even my newest ones all have boyfriends and they all try setting me up with their boyfriends friends. I'm nervouse I may find one of them interesting and have to deal with another one of the problems above... Itsa huge mess.

I know what I did was stupid and wrong and I shouldn't have to worry about fitting in amongst my friends because if they were my real friends it wouldn't matter either way. But I still feel foolish and am desperate for advice...

[Deathpryer]

Well for starters... I have no idea what you said. But if I were u odd tell him the truth and face it up:. But to make it settle tell your specel man/women that u 2 should be honest with each other... don't write back

[411Help]

Be happy you lied about it and didn't do it, then actually doing it.

It's a GOOD thing that you're not sexually active at your age. They should be looking up to you, not scolding you. Tell them the truth. I don't see any reason for them to be upset at you.

[ashley1693]

Be happy you lied about it and didn't do it, then actually doing it.

It's a GOOD thing that you're not sexually active at your age. They should be looking up to you, not scolding you. Tell them the truth. I don't see any reason for them to be upset at you.

Thank you so much for your advice. I'm definitely considering sitting down with my friends and telling them. I'm just a little nervous to how they will take it. But thank you again. Your advice means alot:)

[411Help]

Good luck (: .

I'm very proud of you. Continue to avoid peer pressure.

[kctiger]

I have been in your situation before, and to be honest you don't need to feel that guilty about it. More than your friends, it is almost like trying to be accepted by society. There are just certain things that you do in life that put you on a certain level, so to speak. Having sex is usually viewed as a "rite of passage" and is a notch on the "adult" totem pole. It almost increases your "coolness" factor a bit... just merely by the way society judges you.

The good thing, like 411 alluded to, is that you haven't rushed to have sex with anyone, and you care enough to make it special, and not something you just do so you can say you did it. To me, it is always important to keep the "sex" topic to yourself. Obviously the whole newness of the experience will initiate and stimulate conversation from time to time, but as you get older it is usually something reserved between you and your partner, or maybe best friends. It wouldn't be a topic at a dinner table...

No worries. This is what they call a "white" lie and I, as mentioned earlier, have done it too. At that age, I would hope you can hold off on having sex, and just enjoy things without complication or too much risk.

[talaniman]

Lying may not be right but it seems your lie was to protect you from ridicule and peer pressure.

That a powerful motive to not tell the truth, and you should keep your mouth shut, and your personal business to yourself. Friends, or no friends.

If someone special comes along, and it gets deeper that just friends, and you trust them, then you can confide in them whatever secrets you have, but until then, keep dating, and having a good time, like someone your age should.

All your friends, are not good friends, so pick ,and choose carefully, when it comes to trusting them, with things you rather they not know.

[ashley1693]

Lying may not be right but it seems your lie was to protect you from ridicule and peer pressure.

That a powerful motive to not tell the truth, and you should keep your mouth shut, and your personal business to yourself. Friends, or no friends.

If someone special comes along, and it gets deeper that just friends, and you trust them, then you can confide in them whatever secrets you have, but until then, keep dating, and having a good time, like someone your age should.

All your friends, are not good friends, so pick ,and choose carefully, when it comes to trusting them, with things you rather they not know.

Thank you for your advice. And I really agree with everything you said. Thanks for helping me:)

[ashley1693]

I have been in your situation before, and to be honest you don't need to feel that guilty about it. More than your friends, it is almost like trying to be accepted by society. There are just certain things that you do in life that put you on a certain level, so to speak. Having sex is usually viewed as a "rite of passage" and is a notch on the "adult" totem pole. It almost increases your "coolness" factor a bit...just merely by the way society judges you.

The good thing, like 411 alluded to, is that you haven't rushed to have sex with anyone, and you care enough to make it special, and not something you just do so you can say you did it. To me, it is always important to keep the "sex" topic to yourself. Obviously the whole newness of the experience will initiate and stimulate conversation from time to time, but as you get older it is usually something reserved between you and your partner, or maybe best friends. It wouldn't be a topic at a dinner table...

No worries. This is what they call a "white" lie and I, as mentioned earlier, have done it too. At that age, I would hope you can hold off on having sex, and just enjoy things without complication or too much risk.

Thank you very much. And it's comforting to know I'm not the only one lying to their friends. I know that sounds dumb because maybe people do lie to their friends but it really makes me feel better that maybe it isn't the biggest of deals. I don't lie to them anymore because of this situation in the back of my mind. Whatver may seem "cool" to me now I may not feel so proud of later. And I really do want whoever it is I lose my virginity to to be someone special and really truly mean something to me. I'm not rushing it though for that exact reason. Thank you so much for your advice. I really appreciate it:)

[sylvan_1998]

I am not sure they would believe you lied in the first place. I agree with tala.. Your business keep it to yourself.

Believe it or not, you will outgrow this circle of friends except for a very select few. Your new friends you will get in the future will not define you by your sexual conquests or trists against your parents.

Growing up really does get easier.

[Nestorian]

"I know what I did was stupid and wrong and I shouldn't have to worry about fitting in amongst my friends becasue if they were my real friends it wouldnt matter either way. But I still feel foolish and am desperate for advice..."- you

So, since you think you shouldn't have to lie to them to be friends with them, why keep going. I mean other than the obvious, embarrassed, ashamed, and fear of rejection??


First, try to forgive yourself, it's usually the hardest thing you'll ever do. Then you can be more comfortable with your friends, and even though you're not sexually active; you can always research on it, and read different books about it. For example, I learned about sex from my sisters Cosmo mags, also various educational books, Psychology especailly.

Any way, forgive yourself, you are not stupid, foolish, nor ignorent. You are just unsure, afraid to be left behind/ alone. That's OK, we are all only human, but at least you are aware that you have done something that is not fair to yourself, or others. So be open and honest. (easier said than done eh. Try telling one friend that you are closer to.)

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”-yoda

Don't let your fears twist you into something you're not. Hold true to yourself, because "you deserve your love more than any one else in teh univers." - words of Buddha.

Peace be with you "youngling"- yoda
Yes I'm a bit of a nut for star wars, but what can you do eh? ;)

[ashley1693]

I am not sure they would believe you lied in the first place. I agree with tala.. Your business keep it to yourself.

Believe it or not, you will outgrow this circle of friends except for a very select few. Your new friends you will get in the future will not define you by your sexual conquests or trists against your parents.

Growing up really does get easier.

Yes, that does make sense. It really was a dumb thing to lie about and it would seem silly to them if they found out. And I really hope the new friends I get as an adult aren't as judgmental as my current friends.Thanks a lot for the advice it is much appreciated:)

[ashley1693]

"I know what I did was stupid and wrong and I shouldn't have to worry about fitting in amongst my friends becasue if they were my real friends it wouldnt matter either way. But I still feel foolish and am desperate for advice..."- you

So, since you think you shouldn't have to lie to them to be friends with them, why keep going. I mean other than the obvious, embarassed, ashamed, and fear of rejection???


First, try to forgive your self, it's usually the hardest thing you'll ever do. Then you can be more comfortable with your friends, and even though you're not sexually active; you can always reasearch on it, and read differnt books about it. For example, I learned about sex from my sisters Cosmo mags, also various educational books, Psychology especailly.

Any way, forgive yourself, you are not stupid, foolish, nor ignorent. You are just unsure, afraid to be left behind/ alone. Thats ok, we are all only human, but at least you are aware that you have done something that is not fair to yourself, or others. So be open and honest. (easier said than done eh. Try telling one friend that you are closer to.)

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”-yoda

Don't let your fears twist you into something you're not. Hold true to yourself, because "you deserve your love more than any one else in teh univers." - words of Buddha.

Peace be with you "youngling"- yoda
Yes im a bit of a nut for star wars, but what can you do eh?? ;)

I really do try but I don't know how I would go about forgiving myself? Not because I'm stubborn or Fearful I just really don't know how. And I have been researching sex and all that but I still have that fear of not knowing what I'm doing when these types of things DO come up. I don't want to make a fool of myself, but of course, who does? And I have been considering telling one of my friends but I still feel I should wait before I do. To know I can 110% trust her.

P.S Hehe I can tell you're a star wars buff and that doesn't even matter because those quotes (even Buddah's) were quite reassuring and helpful. I appreciate all advice anyone brings.. Even Yoda's:p

[oldenoughtoknow]

I remember being that age and lying about losing my virginity and bragging to my mates just to fit in. A few years down the line turns out nearly all of us lied about it. As you get older you realise things like this even though now they feel bad and serious are nothing in the grand scheme of things

[Nestorian]

I really do try but I don't know how I would go about forgiving myself? Not because I'm stubborn or Fearful I just really don't know how. And I have been researching sex and all that but I still have that fear of not knowing what I'm doing when these types of things DO come up. I don't want to make a fool of myself, but of course, who does? And I have been considering telling one of my friends but I still feel I should wait before I do. To know I can 110% trust her.

P.S Hehe I can tell your a star wars buff and that doesn't even matter because those quotes (even Buddah's) were quite reassuring and helpful. I appreciate all advice anyone brings.. Even Yoda's:p

I had wrote a big long thing, with quotes and all but, I didn't like it. So here is the shorter simpler version.

No one knows for sure how to fogive yourself, but the why is very important. Why did you do.. or why didn't you.. or are you or aren't you... See where I'm going? You told a lie, and so why? You wanted to belong, because you were afraid your friends wouldn't like you, or be nice, etc. You may then look at yourself and say, I'm a human Being. That means I'm bound to make mistakes, and get lost/confused. I didn't mean to do anything bad, so I forgive myself, and love myself because I'm kind, caring, take care of my cat, help others, try to recycle, learn what I love, exercise and appriciate my body. Is that cool, dose that sound like you? IF not, change it to you. Find yourself, love yourself, forgive yourself, and believe in yourself.

As for your friend, give it time, but be honest with yourself either way.

Sex, is more about knowing how to please yourself, then the other person need to tell you what they like. Then you work it like that, on a trusting relationship. Try not to worry about tomorrow, its not here yet. I suggets you learn more about your body, how it works, and enjoy it. After all it's yours! The rest will happen soon enough. (:o sorry if that's, um... uncomfortable. Just trying to give it to you straight.)

I'm glad you feel reassured, and that you can laugh. I have confidence in you, because of you're a bright, caring (on account that you feel bad about lying, some people don't care.), funny, strong, as well as wise. You know yourself better then you might expect, I think.

Take care, and if you have any questions you know where we are. :)

May peace and kindness be with you.

[ashley1693]

I know this sounds TOTALLY dopey, but that really just brought tears to my eyes. Having someone understand like that is very uplifting... if that makes any sense at all. Its good to know I can trust someone. I know I don't personally know you or anything but just having read what you said was touching and very helpful. And no nothing what you said made me feel uncomfortable I understand whatyou mean and your simply giving me advice as to be comfortable in my own skin, I understand. Again, Thank you. It really means a lot, and I hope sometime I could help you with a situation you go through as you've helped me.

Bless you:)

[sarahbuck1234]

This is happening to me and I do not know what to do either.

I have lied to my friends about having a boyfriend. I have told them I have slept with him. I only did it because they have all had sex and it would make me out to be the odd one out.

I went clubbing with my friends a few weeks ago and one of my friends got on this boy that I liked. Then a few weeks later and I found out she was texting this boy that I said I went out with. Recently I got a call from a few of my mates saying that they have spoke to this boy and he said we never went out and we never had sex. But I don't know what to do. I feel bad for lying. I have to see these friends every time I go into work and it is awkward because I don't know what to do. Obviously they are believing him over me. But I don't want to tell them the truth because I don't want it to be weird when I go into work! I am the sort of person that wants everyone to like me. I don't like having enemies.

HELPPP??

[kctiger]

Sarah, start your own thread... don't use someone else's for a question. You will get more answers for YOU that way...

[sarahbuck1234]

What topic will it go under?

[kctiger]

Relationships... just hit "Ask a Question" and then type away.