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BKY2 · Jan 13, 2009, 11:19 AM

Hello,

I am a teenager, and a full time university student. I am not a maid, because I work part time as well, however, I do keep our home clean.
They have a baby together, however, she does not live with us. This is because she has other children and he doesn't like noisy homes (her children=noisy and undisciplined).

She is constantly over at our home, and although I am used to her and I do not mind her presence, she ALWAYS makes a mess somewhere (usually in the kitchen) and I find myself coming home or downstairs to a mountain of dirty dishes and food lying around.

This one time, the baby spiled soup and they did not even clean it. I came home to spilt soup on a chair, and a few vegetables lying there too. Excuse me, but what the ? I would mentioned other incidents, but I am trying to keep this short!

Its disgusting, and I cannot stand it anymore. This has been going on for so long, and she doesn't seem to have the courtesy to clean up her own mess. My father is too old fashioned to do any cleaning at home, and that just leaves me.

I used to clean it before because I didn't think it was a big deal, but I'm just getting annoyed at this point. I've tried speaking with him, to speak to her, (I wouldn't put her in an uncomfortable position by speaking with her directly, because I'm not RUDE).

We only get into arguments over it, and he insults me and yells at me over it, like its not a big deal.

Recently, I caught her trying to leave without cleaning up after her mess, and I politely asked her to help me clean it. The looked at me like there were 2 plates there and I was just crazy for asking, but she helped anyway.

I don't want to have to ask her every time because I don't like to degrade myself by doing so. If I ignore the mess in hopes that someone else will do it, I'll get yelled at by my father to clean it and insulted over it as well.

SORRY FOR THE LONG READ!! Any advice is appreciated!
I do not appreciate getting responses on anything other than to what i am asking.

Str8stack71 · Jan 13, 2009, 11:24 AM

Wow, difficult situation. Do you pay rent to live there? Does your dad possibly feel that it is your responsibility to clean up in return for living there?. also, my only suggestion is that I can't really see a fix for your problem... I was in a similar situaion, it was a lose-lose situation... nothing changed until I left and moved out. I'm sorry I'm not of more help but I do feel for you considering I can identify with your situation.

BKY2 · Jan 13, 2009, 11:32 AM

Aw, thank you. I was considering moving out anyway, but I am only 18... and still need to pay for school. He does feel that cleaning is my responsibility, and I accept it fully (ever since I was like 11). But, I feel taken advantage of and degraded when she leaves a mess and does not even offer to help, nor does she say anything about it. I don't understand why I have to clean up after her and the baby, when she is perfectly capable of doing it herself, as well, I don't understand why I have to clean up if I did not eat with them (if I was not home).

Ber Rabbit · Jan 13, 2009, 11:49 AM

It's just part of being an adult, we all have to do things we don't like and there are times we all feel used. You should not feel degraded for acting responsible, doing things just because you see they need doing is a good personality trait. Asking her to help is not degrading either, she may have always had someone to clean up after her so maybe it's never even crossed her mind to pick up after herself. Maybe you can set the example for her and instead of acting like a maid ask her to help, that might even change her lack of etiquette in time.
Ber

Homegirl 50 · Jan 13, 2009, 11:49 AM

You are a minor living at home rent free and cleaning up is your chore, simple as that. Moms have cleaned up messes left by their kids for years. Is it right or fair?
Is your problem more with her than the mess? Maybe if you asked her to help you, this could be a way you two can get to know each other better.
Sure she should clean up her messes but if it does not bother your dad, don't let it bother you. Clean the dishes, finish school and when you can, move out.
I wish you well

BKY2 · Jan 13, 2009, 12:30 PM

Thanks, Guys. I don't have a problem with her, because we're on good terms. I just feel so used and disrespected because she doesn't ever offer to help and just comes over, makes a huge mess, and then leaves! :(
I have to study in my program and its competitive, I also work. I can't always run around and wipe her bum (figuratively speaking) One tme she made pancakes, and when I came down, there was a tiny dried up piece left, and I can make my own food, so I'm fine. But she looked at me and said "oh we left you something" and then they left somewhere. I had to wash the dishes, I had to clean the table, I had to wash the pan.

Homegirl 50 · Jan 13, 2009, 12:36 PM

That is part of living in a household and having chores.
When I was growing up, my chore was keeping the bathroom clean. I had two brothers who made a mess. It irritated me that I would have to clean up behind them, but they had their chores too.
Such is life living in a household.
In the sceme of things it really is not that much to do. Wait till you're out there on your own.

BKY2 · Jan 13, 2009, 12:50 PM

Thank you, but I have been looking after my chores from a very young age (11) and I look after this home well. I do everything here. It just hurts me that she doesn't respect the fact that Im not the maid, and I do have other responsibilities (school + work) and acts like I have to take care of her (she's 40 for crying out loud)

Homegirl 50 · Jan 13, 2009, 12:57 PM

I understand what you're saying and I'm not saying you don't have responsibilities, but that is what they are, responsibilities that goes along with living in a household.
If you have a good relationship with her, nicely tell her, ask her if she would not mind helping out occasionally.

BKY2 · Jan 13, 2009, 01:00 PM

I will try it :)
Thank you!

BKY2 · Jan 13, 2009, 01:01 PM

I just need to find a way to approach this properly, because she is most likely going to cry to my dad about it, and then I'm going to get yelled at

Homegirl 50 · Jan 13, 2009, 01:02 PM

I wish you the best, young lady

BKY2 · Jan 13, 2009, 01:04 PM

Thanks, love

Homegirl 50 · Jan 13, 2009, 01:08 PM

Originally Posted by BKY2

I just need to find a way to approach this properly, because she is most likely going to cry to my dad about it, and then I'm going to get yelled at

Then you need to ask yourself if it will be worth it.
Sometimes its best to just do it. You will be able to leave soon and then it will be your dad's problem to deal with.
Good Luck