[tictac16]

Sometimes things are meant to be the way they are and there's not point in trying to fix it. The more u fix it the more your going to break it. The move you are trying to get your ex( like me) you are pushing them away. And u might end up like me, not being friends anymore. Just remember, there is always a good side to everything. You just have to look for it

[Yosomoton213]

The complicated thing about the exes...

Say that she eventually does come back. Will you have 1. moved on from the relationship or 2. actually want her back?

And if you still want her back, would you be able to trust her in the same manner? These breakups add baggage to the relationship.

And when you get back together, will you be sure that she 1. genuinely wants to get back together, 2. thought that you were happy and content without her and had to see if she could still have you, 3. came back on a whim without thinking it through.

In the end, you have to do what's right for you. Make your decision and stick to it. I've made my share of mistakes. In my opinion, it's much easier to move on and start anew than to have all of your expectations thrown out the window again and again.

[teastalk]

Well, we broke up and I'm not sure what I should do. I feel like we can change since we didn't have any serious issues. However, the consensus seems to be to implement No Contact and then continue life without him.

[MarkwithaK]

I've got news for you, based upon your info you really weren't in any kind of serious relationship. Sorry.

[a la king]

I know I already posted once.. but I cannot stress enough the emotional let down of losing someone a SECOND time. When you get back together you brain and heart do some crazy sh!t. I'm not a religious man by any means... but I thought FOR SURE someone somewhere was listening to my weakest moments when she came back. That second time around I KNEW it must be fate and that were were destined to be together. After over a year apart and we were still on eachothers minds! We talked about what when wrong and both admitted responsibility in our wrong doings.. it was perfect- just the way one would hope it would unfold. When we got back together we didn't skip a beat and eventually we just ignored the break like it didn't even happen. Not because it bothered us or we forgot - but because we just didn't care about it anymore. We were reunited and that's all that mattered. Even in that time apart while dating other people we knew deep down that our hearts belonged to one another.

We ended up building a life together for SIX MORE YEARS. We did everything a normal couple would do (for the most part). Even through the highs and lows I thought without a shadow of doubt that I was going to be with this women until I was on my deathbed (for all you people in new relationships- never have this attitude and always always always understand the risks).

Before I knew it the sh!t hit the fan and I lost her a second time. But this time around it was much much worse. It demolished everything I ever believed in. It tarnished my attitude in regards to love and even now, 6 months later, I'm not sure I know what love is or what I believe in anymore. I've got a wall up around me 20 feet high and I've got my heart locked in my chest sealed in 5 feet of concrete.

The emotional toll just isn't worth it.

People need to understand and realize the pain involved. It's not just about getting back together and feeling all good... it messes with your sense of reality.

And for what it's worth-- during that break we didn't speak one single time. Complete No Contact.

So this post has two purposes. One.. No Contact DOES sometimes work in getting him/her back (so people, stop contacting your exes!)... but just because you get them back doesn't mean they stick with you.

[talaniman]

You want a fact? Most people don't want the ex back, not even as friends, after they have healed, and moved on.

[Yosomoton213]

I agree. You're young. Continue with school and work. This relationship seemed like it was pretty casual.

And honestly, not that interesting.

This is your first relationship. They get better. Then after those end, they get even better. The cycle continues until you have developed enough as a person from yourself and learned from mistakes to figure out what you want and how to get it. It ain't easy.

[teastalk]

I wanted to know what you guys thought about an old relationship. I'm curious to know the opinions since I know "the end of the story" so to speak. Anyway, I was dating a person from overseas who was a college student. He claimed to like me a lot. I didn't want to pursue anything at the time because I felt like I needed to concentrate on schoolwork. However, he kept pursuing me nonetheless. Any time he said something about his feelings, I just told him that I liked him as a friend. After a substantial period we ended up in a relationship. I told him that I didn't want to go out on dates more than once a week. I also didn't want to talk on the phone much because I'm not much of a talker. When we would talk on the phone there was a lot of dead space on my end because I would just be listening to him talk. I'm a naturally quiet person and when I did say anything, the topic must not have been very interesting. During dates he would always split the bill 50/50. He bought me a bouquet of roses and a box of chocolates for no reason at some points during our dating history. Then, when I was on the phone when we were in the car together, he got mad that I was chatting with a friend instead of him. Oh yeah, at that point he raised the volume in the car up so loud, that I couldn't hear my friend speaking over the phone. After that, when I looked at guys in the parking lot randomly, he would hold my head still against the car seat so I couldn't look. Either that, or he would cover my eyes with his hand so I couldn't see.

I don't really have a specific question. I just want to know what people think of this relationship. Was it good, was it bad, what could we have done differently...

[posey_84]

I think u had a lucky escape

[teastalk]

I feel like I damaged this relationship by wanting to spend as much time together as possible without any planned activities in mind. I also feel like I sabotaged the relationship since we talked on the phone every night with no real purpose in mind besides talking on the phone. Also, I held back from teasing him because I didn't want to be mean to him, but I realize that teasing is essential in any relationship. Therefore, I'm feeling down because I feel like it was my fault that the relationship didn't go too far. We did hold hands and kiss; we also went out on a few movie dates and walk around gazing at the stars at the beach. So I did think it was a somewhat serious relationship.

[teastalk]

So I'm curious. Do you think if I treated him better, he wouldn't have done the things that he did? He already has a new girlfriend and they've been together for about ten months now and I'm not planning on contacting him. I'm just wondering why he treated me in this manner, but doesn't seem to be treating his new girlfriend like he did me. Do you guys have any opinions on this?

[posey_84]

Listen pushing your head against a wheel is an act of violence and aggression and holding your head so you can't look at people is controlling. In short no this wasn't a good relationship and you done nothing wrong HE did and doesn't deserve u. I must admit though it doesn't seem that you were very interested in him but that does not give anyone the right to treat you that way.

[Yosomoton213]

Just wait. You'll have better.

From what it sounds like, this really wasn't the one for you, and vice-versa.

But you learn and move on. And when you better yourself from experience, you open yourself up to better things. Think of this as a learning process, and stay positive about this type of thing. It happens everyday to people, and will most likely happen again to you and me.

[NorthernNiceGuy]

Well I don't think this relationship was good on either end... Just from the way you talk about it, it seems like you weren't really into it and that you kind of forced it. You resisted the whole way through and that's not the way you should be in a relationship. And when I write that I don't mean it in a mean but just as an observation. Think about it, were you ever really all that into him?

As for him it sounds like he has some trust and jealousy issues. Whether he held your head in a forceful way or playful way it obviously bothered you and wasn't right... kind of pathetic really.

Personally I don't think it was a good relationship... I don't think you should settle for any guy and that when you do really like someone you'll know, and you won't have that resistance, you'll want to go for it. So in the future if its not there don't force it, hold out for something special that you can get excited about.

As for him acting differently with someone else you can't really explain it. People act differently with others. I have a friend who in his previous relationship was extremely jealous and argumentative. ( I am good buds with him and was never on his side when he got upset) He is now in a relationship and he doesn't act like he did before at all. Can't explain why but that's how it goes. Its kind of like how in your future relationships you be excited to talk on the phone with them and crazy about spending time with them... The right person will bring that out in you.

Be thankful its over and don't settle next time. All the best! :)

[teastalk]

I realized just now that I never responded to a posted question! Well, I would still want him back, but maybe that's because of all the great memories I have of our early relationship before things got mundane and humdrum since we didn't go out during the day. I actually know for sure that I would be able to trust him in the same manner. I'm not just saying this. If I didn't truly feel I could trust him, I'd just say it. I'm also sure that if he did ask to get back together he'd genuinely want to get back together and have thought it through. A part of me wishes that we'd just get back together even if he wanted to test me to see if I'd take him back or just as a whim, but I know it's not true. I don't know how many people say this about their exes... but he was a truly great person.

I like the comment about relationships being a learning process. I feel like I've learned a lot from this past relationship and am sad that I didn't get a chance to experiment with a lot of different guys before now, so that this relationship could've had a real shot. I really hope that better things will come along in the future.

[talaniman]

Lousy relationship. It happens, just date someone else.

[teastalk]

If you weren't mad at your boyfriend or girlfriend and you still hoped to get back together...

Would you tell your boyfriend or girlfriend that s/he was right about breaking up with you?

[JudyKayTee]

If you weren't mad at your boyfriend or girlfriend and you still hoped to get back together...

Would you tell your boyfriend or girlfriend that s/he was right about breaking up with you?

I wouldn't say anything unless what I was saying was the truth - was he or she right?

[411Help]

No, I wouldn't.

It's all situational. How long have you two been broken up?
Has he/she moved on? etc.

[talaniman]

Your not over your ex are you?