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kitten420 · Jan 6, 2009, 12:21 AM

Very very true and I love this idea. We really need communication in our relationship and maybe then that can build our trust even more. I would give u rep but I already did.

DJ28 · Jan 6, 2009, 12:21 AM

Mark, the reason I said this is because me personaly I would leave someone that did that. I've played strip poker with my ex and my objective wasn't to see her naked, it was to mess around in a kinky way, to have sex with her. I mean I've seen her naked so many times. I just look a strip poker as more then seeing someone just naked. Especially if you were just at a strip club.

itried · Jan 6, 2009, 12:25 AM

Originally Posted by kitten420

very very true and I love this idea. we really need communication in our relationship and maybe then that can build our trust even more. I would give u rep but I already did.

I guess the best that we can all hope for from our significant others is that we trust them to tell us whenever they mess up, for better or for worse. This can only come from communication that is open and honest. You could still trust someone 100% after they cheated on you if they told you immediately. Theoretically.

kitten420 · Jan 6, 2009, 12:25 AM

She isn't his ex they just screwed one time a couple years ago. But obviouisly the girl is a skank if she is going to play strip poker with 4 men.

kitten420 · Jan 6, 2009, 12:28 AM

Originally Posted by itried

I guess the best that we can all hope for from our significant others is that we trust them to tell us whenever they mess up, for better or for worse. This can only come from communication that is open and honest. You could still trust someone 100% after they cheated on you if they told you immediately. Theoretically.

I never looked at it that way before. Everyone meeses up I guess and makes mistakes. You just have to learn how to forgive them for their mistakes and trust them again.

DJ28 · Jan 6, 2009, 12:29 AM

Originally Posted by kitten420

she isnt his ex they just screwed one time a couple years ago. but obviouisly the girl is a skank if she is going to play strip poker with 4 men.

Honestly.. I'm just telling you how it is, I think most men out there if they want to play strip poker out there, there is a bigger objective just to seee her naked. Maybe not I might be wrong but really you don't just do it to see someone naked. Most men are pretty horny. And if they want to see someone naked they want to them.

kitten420 · Jan 6, 2009, 12:31 AM

Originally Posted by DJ28

honestly.. im just telling you how it is, i think most men out there if they want to play strip poker out there, there is a bigger objective just to seee her naked. maybe not i might be wrong but really u dont just do it to see someone naked. most men are pretty horny. and if they want to see someone naked they want to them.

Well what if he says he only did it because his friend wanted him as a wing man so his friend can get laid. And he only did it for the team so they could play strip poker and have enough players.

DJ28 · Jan 6, 2009, 12:34 AM

See really that's all about the trust thing, I don't know him I dontk now you. Really I would have to know the person to really know if there pulling me leg or being honest. So really its up to your trusting him to know if he's telling you the truth. Me personally I wouldn't get naked around other guys.

itried · Jan 6, 2009, 12:36 AM

Originally Posted by kitten420

i never looked at it that way before. everyone meeses up i guess and makes mistakes. you just have to learn how to forgive them for their mistakes and trust them again.

Even still, no one gets forced to cheat, its all a choice. You just hope that the two of you can be trusted to make the right choice when the situation arises. And these situations always do come up. This doesn't mean that you should learn to forgive them no matter what. We all know what we're doing. And should be accountable for our actions. The best part is choosing to not cheat, not what happens while you're cheating. If you really love someone, it's not worth losing that by going through with it.

DJ28 · Jan 6, 2009, 12:37 AM

I guess really all of my guy friends have balls, if they want to have sex with a woman there going to without the help of any of my other buddies.

expat2009 · Jan 6, 2009, 12:40 AM

Originally Posted by kitten420

well what if he says he only did it bc his freind wanted him as a wing man so his friend can get laid. and he only did it for the team so they could play strip poker and have enough players.

Look, you know him better than us. If you trust him, then believe him. If you don't then you NEED to talk about it. If you don't like him hanging around this skank then tell him it hurts you when he does.

Yes guys are horny by nature. You can love a girl to death but you are still a guy. I'm in love with a girl that doesn't love me. But when she did, I still checked out chicks. It's natural. We watch porn, we maybe flirt a little but it's all harmless if we don't act upon it.

Ok, he had a naked skank you hate in front of him. Did he do anything else except that? If the answer is no, then it's not cheating. He did lie to you, and that's something you guys need to talk about. Just be honest and tell him what hurt you and why.

kitten420 · Jan 6, 2009, 11:20 AM

I agree with that I do trust him. He is a good boyfriend. Today I let him go to his friends and I told him I was going to go to my uncles and he said I can't go to my uncles because of the guys that hang out there like he thinks I will cheat on him or something. He said he don't trust me. And its like are you serious I'm not the one that meesed up and did some stupid stuff. You are and I still trust you. Then I told him that I don't like him going to jasons and if he can't trust me to go to my uncls then I can't trust him to go to jasons, Then I said you know what if you go to jasons I'm breaking up with you. Then he said I guess we are broken up then, and then he said that some guy I used to was going over to my uncles so that's why I can't go. And the only way I can go is is his friend amber goes with me. I'm so pissed like I never cheated or would even think of doing anything to hurt him. And now he is trying to flip the cheating script on me.

Romefalls19 · Jan 6, 2009, 11:41 AM

This relationship is over. You don't trust him, if you did you wouldn't be bringing up the past. You chose to forgive him, therefore something like this can't be used as a bargaining chip. You both have big insecurities with one another and I'm sensing that there is a big piece to this puzzle that we aren't getting

kctiger · Jan 6, 2009, 11:46 AM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

This relationship is over. You don't trust him, if you did you wouldn't be bringing up the past. You chose to forgive him, therefore something like this can't be used as a bargaining chip. You both have big insecurities with one another and I'm sensing that there is a big piece to this puzzle that we aren't getting

I will go one further... this is an absolute mess. I can't even understand why either of you want to be in a relationship this disfunctional. No trust, no relationship, period. Sounds like a couple of 14 year olds arguing. Bad news all around. I think you deserve to find someone who hasn't hurt you, and clearly things aren't working out the way they should be, at least in a healthy relationship. Sorry to be harsh, but this ain't goin' nowhere! :cool:

kitten420 · Jan 6, 2009, 12:39 PM

Thanks for the advice but I can see where he is coming from. He didn't want me to go to my uncles because there was a guy there that I had sex with before me and him were together. He came back a min ago and told me I can go to my uncles but he just didn't want me to go because that guy was there. Me and my bfs relationship is just fine. We fight sometimes and we may diagree on a lot of things but we still love each other and we always know the best thing to do for each other. I just wanted to come on here and ask this question about the strip poker to see if anyone else would think the same way about it as I do. And I wanted another mans opinion on the subject.

talaniman · Jan 7, 2009, 09:29 AM

Hi Kitten, 3 months is to long to hold on to something, that means nothing. This really should have died 3 months ago.

kitten420 · Jan 7, 2009, 01:00 PM

I know it should have it was just driving me crazy because we made a promise to each other that we wouldn't do that to each other and we would always be honest, so I just thought that if I got some opinions on here it would help me and it did. It helped me a lot with everyone's advice abd I thank you guys, I am going to just trust my man because he has proved himself and I don't want our relationship to ruin over something that I decided to already forgive him for. Its just not worth it.

kp2171 · Jan 8, 2009, 04:45 PM

First, as has been said, there are differences among all three scenarios. True, not revealing all the truth about what you have done can be perceived as deception... but in no way would I equate going to a strip club to having an affair. You might choose such an action as being against your beliefs and detrimental to your relationship, but they are not the same.

By the way, just to be on the level here, I've never cheated on a lover, but had two big loves cheat on me... and I've always respected my mates opinions about things like strip clubs, porn, etc. I don't think you should go into a relationship thinking you can shackle the other person into being your "perfect" ideal, but you also should enter a relationship knowing there are places where concessions might need to be made... both sides should be able to find middle ground and overlap... or else its just a square peg, round hole situation.

I don't need to know all that happens when my wife travels. She is beautiful, outgoing, a great dancer, a bit of a flirt. She works in a male dominated industry, and on business trips she is often the only woman. There are boys in seattle who have bought her all the champagne she could want and have offered her their room keys. There's a latin man in mexico who is polite, charming, and respectful... but she knows all shed need to do is say the word and he would join her in her room.

So... I know there are things going on but I'm not tied in knots worried about it. I don't need to know all the details. I trust that she is true. Call me a fool, but I'm not going to live any other way. I'm a jealous man with a helluva temper... but when we are out and that young stud is buying her drinks at the pool table and even touching her arm a little more than maybe he should, its OK.

She's the truest woman I've ever known. Why is it a conflict that she also likes attention and she gets it? She didn't become unattractive upon taking vows and she didn't suddenly find all other men repulsive.

So... there's the issue here, in part.

I trust my wife completely.

I believe the vows she took mean something to her. And we have enough overlap and agreement that there isn't lots of conflict about "where have you been and what have you been doing?!"

I'm not going to defend one side or the other. The guys who thinks its fine to be visually stimulated by a person who isn't his mate isn't "wrong" or "right"... he is who he is. The woman who feels threatened when an otherwise attentive man enjoys porn isn't "wrong" or "right"... she feels the way she does.

So its up to you to pick your battles and try to find your own kind of "wierd", as a friend used to put it.

I don't care if my wife is hit on because of trust. I have taken vows and so has she, and I believe she will honor them, even if there are occasional gray areas which might push the envelope a bit.

So... all you can do is try to find your areas of flexibility and your areas of no compromise, and if there isn't enough overlap, it isn't right.

Cheating is not a man phenomenon, but perhaps it becomes more of a man phenomenon when you begin to attach many other levels of attention given to a woman who is not his mate.

What do you think?