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MarkwithaK · Jan 5, 2009, 11:43 PM

Going to a strip club without you and not telling you about it is really nothing to be concerned about. When a guy and his friends head out to the nudie bar it's like a bonding experience so to speak. It's about us guys being with other guys and in that atmosphere. It says nothing about or level of commitment. Maybe he didn't tell you because he knew you wanted to go but wanted to be with his buds and not hurt your feelings.

As far as the strip poker thing is concerned, if he didn't cheat on you then I don't see a problem. In effect it's no different then him going to a strip club which you have stated that you have no problem with.

You have to understand that as men there are times when we need to reconfirm our manhood so to speak and when you are in a relationship were you live with your girl you can sometimes loose site of that.

kitten420 · Jan 5, 2009, 11:47 PM

No I found this out like 3 days after it happened. Its just been driving me nuts for 3 months and I needed some perspective. Even though he has proven himself to me. I know I will never know and there is nothing I can do to change that so I just got to trust him. Now I would love to know what actions should I be looking for when it comes to cheating? And how would I know the next time he is lying what actions can I look for?

DJ28 · Jan 5, 2009, 11:48 PM

Originally Posted by MarkwithaK

Going to a strip club without you and not telling you about it is really nothing to be concerned about. When a guy and his friends head out to the nudie bar it's like a bonding experience so to speak. It's about us guys being with other guys and in that atmosphere. It says nothing about or level of commitment. Maybe he didn't tell you because he knew you wanted to go but wanted to be with his buds and not hurt your feelings.

As far as the strip poker thing is concerned, if he didn't cheat on you then I don't see a problem. In effect it's no different then him going to a strip club which you have stated that you have no problem with.

You have to understand that as men there are times when we need to reconfirm our manhood so to speak and when you are in a relationship were you live with your girl you can sometimes loose site of that.

I agree in a way but then in a way I don't, the reason I don't is that say if your girl played strip poker with a man would you be pissed? I mean I've played strip poker with me ex but it was for a reason, not to see her naked but to get some action.

kitten420 · Jan 5, 2009, 11:54 PM

That's very true. And for some reason though hearing a mans perspective besides jamies has helped me out a lot. I do agree though if your girlfriend did it it would be wrong and she would be considered to be a cheater in your eyes.

Like when I told jamie well I'm just going to go play some strip poker then with my girlfriends and a guy I used to and see how you like it. And he got mad I said that and was like why do you keep bringin it up and blah blah.

a la king · Jan 5, 2009, 11:55 PM

Strip poker and strip clubs are very different from flat out cheating.. as mentioned above it depends on the situation.

How can he lie to your face? Doesn't want to hurt you or he is more concerned with himself and not facing what he did perhaps? Either way he deserves a nice big 'ol ball stomp.

BTW, women cheat too..

itried · Jan 5, 2009, 11:57 PM

Originally Posted by kitten420

no i found this out like 3 days after it happend. its just been driving me nuts for 3 months and i needed some perspective. even tho he has proven himself to me. I kno I will never kno and there is nothing I can do to change that so I just got to trust him. now I would love to kno what actions should I be looking for when it comes to cheating? and how would I kno the next time he is lying what actions can i look for?

It doesn't sound like you trust him at the moment, and that is what I think is driving you nuts. You have just got to make a choice: trust him or not. Have his actions during your relationship made him trustworthy in your opinion? If you don't trust him and are always wondering about him and he doesn't cheat that will ruin your relationship somehow. On the other hand, if you do trust him and he does cheat, the relationship will be ruined as well. You just have to make a decision. Trust is the most important thing in a relationship and the hardest thing to mend when broken. You won't be able to approach your relationship in a healthy manner until you resolve this conflict within yourself.
Don't drive yourself even crazier by analyzing everything he does for signs of cheating.

MarkwithaK · Jan 5, 2009, 11:58 PM

Originally Posted by DJ28

I agree in a way but then in a way i dont, the reason i dont is that say if your girl played strip poker with a man would you be pissed?

Honestly? I wouldn't give one squirt of piss either way. I can say this because I know that if someone is of the mindset to cheat then they are going to do it either way and don't need a game of strip poker to facilitate it. Jimi Hendrix once said, "Without trust there can be no love" .

kitten420 · Jan 5, 2009, 11:58 PM

Well I know women cheat too but my forums was strictly about men.

DJ28 · Jan 5, 2009, 11:59 PM

Like I said you have a right to be pissed off, I sure would. Doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman. I agree with what itried sad where a talk about honesty might not work. Mayeb what you need to tell him is, hey we need to take a break let you think, also let him think. Maybe give him a week to think about what he's done. And if he comes crying back then well maybe he really does want you. I just really think that playing strip poker with someone else is really border line, give him time to think about it.

MarkwithaK · Jan 6, 2009, 12:01 AM

Ask yourself this, if the situation were reversed and it were you that played Strip Poker with your ex would you think that your boyfriend would have a reason to be upset or suspect you of cheating?

DJ28 · Jan 6, 2009, 12:02 AM

Originally Posted by MarkwithaK

Honestly? I wouldn't give one squirt of piss either way. I can say this because I know that if someone is of the mindset to cheat then they are going to do it either way and don't need a game of strip poker to facilitate it. Jimi Hendrix once said, "Without trust there can be no love" .

Yes I agree with what you say but how do you know if he really cheated or not? He might have not he might have its all about trust really... but really how I look at strip poker is that there is more of a motive behind it, more then just seeing someone naked.. because I mean really he was at a strip club, he could have seen it there.

kitten420 · Jan 6, 2009, 12:06 AM

Thanks a lot men. I really appreciate the advice you don't even know how much it has helped me.

I do trust my man, I really do. But it so hard to actually get the trust back to him that I once had with him before if you know what I mean. And I believe that is what is driving me crazy. How can I just let it go and give back the trust I had before? And stop being so jealous?

He tells me that my jealousy is driving him away because I get jealous all the time and he never did anything wrong.

itried · Jan 6, 2009, 12:08 AM

The only way I can rationalize this is like so: If I wanted to build trust with my woman, would I go about it by telling her that I was going out to play strip poker with my ex?

MarkwithaK · Jan 6, 2009, 12:09 AM

Originally Posted by kitten420

How can I just let it go and give back the trust I had before? and stop being so jealous?

That is entirely up to you. There is no great secret trick to change your mindset. It's just something you have to work on yourself... and I wish you luck in that regard.

kitten420 · Jan 6, 2009, 12:10 AM

Hell no you wouldn't lol. That's a agrument waiting to happen.

DJ28 · Jan 6, 2009, 12:10 AM

Haha very true I tried.. I would give you rep but I need to give it to oher people, for I have already given you some last.

kitten420 · Jan 6, 2009, 12:12 AM

But it would actually help me out a lot if he would be really open with me about things and actually talk to me about stuff like that so I know I can trust him. But I for sure wouldn't want to hear him say that he was going to go play strip poker with his ex f buddy.

DJ28 · Jan 6, 2009, 12:14 AM

Honestly maybe you should take a break from him with N/C for like a week, a solid week even if he tries calling. And see how he reacts to it. I mean if after a week he goes back to a ex or sleeps around you will really know how he is.

kitten420 · Jan 6, 2009, 12:18 AM

I love this website. Lol but I can't break up with him now its already been 3 months since the incident and I did break up with him that night with no contact and the next night we got back together with him saying how much he loves me and it was a mistake and he didn't cheat on me. And then after that he didn't leave the house for like 3 months. And he pretty much proved himself but I just couldn't get over it .

itried · Jan 6, 2009, 12:18 AM

Originally Posted by kitten420

but it would actually help me out a lot if he would be rly open with me about things and actually talk to me about stuff like that so i kno i can trust him. but i for sure wouldnt want to hear him say that he was going to go play strip poker with his ex f buddy.

The most important thing in any relationship is open communication. And unfortunately, one of the hardest things to get (and give for that matter). 99% trust is not good enough. The loss of even 1 percent is too much room for error. It will eventually drive a wedge between you two. Try to make him understand how important this is to you. If he loves you, he will be willing to comply.