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the boss · Dec 30, 2008, 12:10 PM

OK well me and my girlfriend have been going out for 9 months on jan 1st 2008. And I'm already at the point that I love her and want to be with her as long as I can and as much as I can. And just as things are going the way we like her ex boyfriend texts her. And me and her both had ceartin people that we said we don't need to be talken to and her ex was one of them. She has told me that she don't want to talk to him see hym be with him etc... and that she only wants to be with me and that I'm perfect and nobody would love her or treat her like I do. But it really really botheres me because she had made me that promise about not talken to hym now outa no where she wants to be his friend. She told me he was a bad boyfriend and he was mean and that she nevere loved him and that I should trust her and that no matta what she's going to talk to him because she wants hym as a friend.. I don't no what I should do because I really don't have the right to tell her who not to talk to but I'm not comfortable with this so what should I do?? :confused::confused::(:mad:

Romefalls19 · Dec 30, 2008, 12:15 PM

You have two choices really

1. Let her talk to him and try this amazing trust thing that relationships need to flourish and grow.

2. Say game over to the relationship and move on and find someone else who will talk to who you say

Guidostern · Dec 30, 2008, 12:30 PM

First off, how old are you? I agree completely with Rome... you got to trust her...

If you're going to try and control who she talks to, and be insecure about an ex that she has told you on numerous occasions means nothing to her; she's going to begin to resent you... then you'll just be in the same boat as him...

If you can't handle the pressure, walk away before you get in too deep...

jmw0713 · Dec 30, 2008, 12:44 PM

Once you lose trust... thats it. I started to lose trust with my ex when we were together, and that's when everything started to unwind.

Thinking back, there was really no reason for me to question her and her intentions, but I did and now I am here.

BMI · Dec 30, 2008, 12:52 PM

Tough situation.

I think people tend to overplay the trust card friends. You could say trust the other person in every relationship ever entered into and would be proven wrong many a time.

I wonder if it is he that needs to blindly trust her or her that needs to assess how important talking to an ex is compared with her current relationship?

I'm not suggesting telling her whom she can speak too but everyone knows the ex is going to cause some issue. Depending on the relationship with the ex (life long friends or just post break up drama) it seems unnecessary and troublesome to keep communication going especially when she describes her ex as being a "bad boyfriend". Why make your "better" boyfriend fret over someone you think so little of?

If it really bothers you I'd talk it out and hope the ex moves on or she tells him to move on.

the boss · Dec 30, 2008, 02:07 PM

OK were 19 and 18 well I'm only worried because back in July I found messages from her tlling people that she mite leav me for him and I just don't understand why she would want to talk to him because he always tries to hit on her flirt with her sayen stuff like "you no you want me back baby" and that bothers me a lot.. and her response was "owell i dnt want him i want you i just wana be his friend" and she broke her trust bye saying she promises me she won't do it and she did and treats it like its not serious.

Flesh · Dec 30, 2008, 03:05 PM

Dude are you people insane... TRUST HER? LOL boys only talk to girls for a few reasons, and ex boyfriends and girlfriend only talk for one reason.

You totally need to asess the situation, the thing is that she probably is denying even to herself that she has feelings for her ex, but anyone with a shred of common sense knows that they never really go away, they just lie dormant. Look you are not in a pickle you need to say hey you want to talk to him talk to him, but you are not talking to me anymore... do not let her get her claws in you man, she is not ready for a relationship if she is still talking to ex.

I went on a date with this girl and everything was great, than on the way to taking her to her house she was like oh my ex is texting me, and I never talked to her again.. she was not ready and I was setting myself up for pain if I stayed, which is exactly what you will get if you are in a relationship and a chic is still talking to her ex. A wise man once said, "The world tends to slap you in the face for following your emotions instead of facts and reality." she still harbors feelings for her ex.

This is not a trust issue, on your part... its a deal breaker and you need to let her know. Do not be fooled man, NEVER date a girl that still talks to an ex that is less than a two years after their split, because no matter what she says there is something going on.. I know that if I called my ex... even if she was dating someone that I could get her to hang out as "friends" and before the end of a week of being "friends" at some point the old feelings would come up. He is talking to her because he either A. Wants her back or B. Wants to have sex. That my friend is reality, what she is saying to you is emotional BS... I suggest you take your pride and move on if she is not willing to stop talking to ex.

Trust her LOL its not a trust issue, and do not let her try to make you think that. That's like saying to a five year old, hey come in the candy store and than the five year old is like hey live me alone I will be OK, and than the adult says no and the kid says what you don't trust me. I know this is hard to understand, but there are mysteries in this world, and when ex's get together something just happens, even if both say there are no ill intention there instinct and emotional side will take over at some point. Trust me I know...

Romefalls19 · Dec 30, 2008, 04:04 PM

Flesh,

I don't agree with that at all, some people are mature and able to talk to their ex's without wanting to jump their bones. I talk to my recent ex, who just now hit a year and I have no feelings for her at all. People are able to maintain a platonic relationship. If he decides to stay with her and trust her then that shows some maturity. She was up front with him about wanting to talk to him and telling him how she was going to, most girls who are going to cheat, would hide that from their S/O. The final choice is up to him but to say that anytime a guy and girl are friends, something is going to happen just shows lack of maturity and possibly a past of untruthful relationships.

Some of my best friends are females, and I haven't hooked up with them.

talaniman · Dec 30, 2008, 07:43 PM

Yes you must have trust, but don't make promises you can't keep either, so whatever has changed her mind about the ex, has you worried. That I understand, but the fact remains, she didn't keep her word, and to me that's a deal breaker, and see you later. But that's just me.

Sorry.

BMI · Dec 31, 2008, 08:22 AM

I'm going to have to agree somewhat with Flesh but also with Rome, somewhere I the middle.

However, you did fail to metion she texted messages saying she may leave you for him. If I found those messages AND what you described in your post I would be livid with her. Quite frankly I could not see myself wanting her if she was so unsure about me. IF your sources on these messages are concrete than the writing is on the wall mate.

Romefalls19 · Dec 31, 2008, 09:29 AM

I didn't see that she texted him saying those things about leaving. That changes everything, these little bits of information are really important to the story. I'd be out the door, she crossed a line that shouldn't be crossed

the boss · Dec 31, 2008, 01:02 PM

It was over the sumer when I was on her myspace page and I found the message saying she was getting feelings for her ex. And she was unsure Abbot me then I left her 4about a week then she came crying say how much she missed and loved me so I for gave her and we started dateing again. And I agree with both flesh and rome so I'm not sure what to do. She told me when I askd her not to talk to hym again that she don't want him she loves me and she would even take me back if I cheated on her.im the only boy that met her family,she says I'm the only boy that she could see her self with etc... so its like I trust her feelings towards me but then I'm confused on why she would even want to talk to her ex bye the way he treated her and if all he wants to do is hit on her.at this point it feels like her ex is more of a relationship then both me and her

talaniman · Dec 31, 2008, 01:13 PM

at this point it feels like her ex is more of a relationship then both me and her

So why do you allow yourself to be disrespected like this? It ain't about what she is doing, but what you do about it. Me I hope her, and her ex have a happy life without me.

the boss · Jan 2, 2009, 12:27 PM

Well we talk about everything and she agreed to stop talking to him completely.

kctiger · Jan 2, 2009, 12:30 PM

Clearly she is to be trusted, huh..? Somehow I don't believe her, but I guess that is for you to decide.

High Max · Jan 3, 2009, 05:51 AM

See how willing she is to change her cell phone number, that will be a good indicator as to whether she is serious or not.

the boss · Jan 4, 2009, 01:41 AM

Well she has a family plan but I was kind confused because I looked threw her phone on new years and saw that she spoke to him for 30mins and she said she don't remember what she was talking about with him..

***Editors note***** Spell check does wonders for communicating clearly.

MarkwithaK · Jan 4, 2009, 01:47 AM

What is with younger people and their spelling?? I got a headache trying to read all this.

compsavvyimnot · Jan 4, 2009, 02:00 AM

As a girl speaking.
RRUN!! She is clearly not over him. She's lying and soon will end up cheating. How the f**k does she not remember speaking to him at all, let alone for half an hour??
Stop being that door mat. You let it happen not once but multiple times now. Now it's like you've opened the door, given her permission to keep doing it. Stop it now. If you don't walk away now, it's what we girls call pathetic... no respect.

expat2009 · Jan 4, 2009, 02:11 AM

RESPECT YOURSELF!! You need to take a step back and think about yourself now. You are worth so much more than what she values you for. If she's playing around and lying to you, then don't take her sh*t and get away from her as soon as possible. Wouldn't you rather be with a girl that not only you love, but that loves you --and only you-- the same way? A girl that knows what you are worth and respects you. I know it's hard to see while you are still in love with her, but you must realise that this situation is completely unfair to you. You are worth more than this... everyone is!

Walk away with your head held up high, and never look back.