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aqua@home · Jul 13, 2006, 08:33 AM

I have no idea where to post this question.

I was just reading candy28's post about her being shy and it got me thinking about an upcoming problem I am going to have. (I know, isn't it cool when you can see the problem before you have it. LOL) Anyway, my dad is getting married at the end of the month and he has asked my brother and I to speak at his wedding. He really wants us to welcome his wife into the family and he said it doesn't have to be long. I will let my brother do most of the talking but my dad does want me to say a few words.

My problem: I hate public speaking. When I was in high school, I would take a failing grade and work harder on other things if it meant I had to give an oral report. I hate, hate, hate it. My stomach gets tense, I feel sick, I get diarreah, I just can't do it. There won't be a lot of people that I really even know there. I shouldn't care about anything when it comes to the guests.

How do I get over this and do it for my dad?:(

StuMegu · Jul 13, 2006, 09:52 AM

Just make a few notes of what you want to say, on a piece of card. Don't try to memorise the speech word for word, just think about the feeling you want to express. As you are speaking just refer to the card to make sure you have covered all the points you wanted to. This is not like school, you are not being tested!

The wedding audience is probably the best audience to give a speech to, they are generally in a good mood as they have just witnessed two people who love each other get married. This means they are on your side, they will forgive any hiccups so don't worry!

If that doesn't work pretend they're all naked:)

kp2171 · Jul 13, 2006, 11:12 AM

I agree with the above suggestions. I for some time spoke in front of groups as many as 250 people. Generally I try to not use notes at all, but there are times when you need a few notes. And the less familiar the audience or material, the easier it is to get rattled. So there are times when notes are very useful.

This is one of them.

The best thing to do is keep it simple and from the heart. At my wedding reception my wife and I sat next to her father and my mother. Before dinner I spoke for a minute -

"my wife and i would like to thank you all for coming and for celebrating our marriage tonight. but we would like you to help us thank two important people. they have been our mentors, our adversaries, our support, and great friends. please raise a glass to our parents. salut!"

This wasn't two pages of writing. It was meaningful, heartfelt, and with a slow delivery it was perfect.

By speaking slowly, pausing every few words, you can stretch the time out and let the words sink in. also, lists like I made (mentors, support... ) read well off a card, and again you can pause at each comma and look down.

Now... I didn't use a notecard when I did this, but I could have. My father in law did use a notecard that had a poem, and it did not seem out of place at all. If you find something written that you wish to read that is fine. Id absolutely have it on notes then.

And then there is the practicing. The more you can get it written and practice the better.

I gave a eulogy last year on very short notice. But I was able to get it written a day and a half ahead and practiced over and over. I still needed the sheet of paper at one or two points, but practice helps big time.

So keep it simple and short. Try to make it meaningful, about both of them. And focus on just getting that paragrapgh or so down and practiced with a clear, steady delivery that isn't rushed.

* added note... you can even start by saying "im not generally comfortable talking in front of large groups. when i used to give speeches in school i would get sick to my stomach and dizzy.

so if i start to wobble here, somebody catch me!

or

but i care about these two people too much to let wobbly knees keep me down."

Say that with a smile and there will be many in the audience who empathize with you.

NeedKarma · Jul 13, 2006, 11:35 AM

Wow, the above post was excellent. I don't have a problem with public speaking but I would like to go back in time and redo my groom speech at my wedding. I didn't have anything prepared and I winged it - bad idea paired with the champagne et al.

Make sure you are prepared and know your material. This is true for anytime you have to speak in front of people.

Good luck and don't worry yourself into a panic. :)

valinors_sorrow · Jul 13, 2006, 01:18 PM

A short story works well, especially if its lovingly humourous. Then you can pretend you are just telling your best friend in your livingroom too.

1. When my dad first told me he was getting married.. .
2. When I saw these two together for the first time.. .
3. When I first thought about giving my dad away, instead of the other way around.. .

Stuff like that? It makes it easier to talk since its familiar to us to talk that way. Its called filler and then at the end you make a simple, one-line, heartfelt statement of wishing them all the happiness in the world. Congrats to your dad, by the way!

magprob · Jul 13, 2006, 01:57 PM

DON'T DO IT! I wouldn't! I can't! I won't! I don't care if it was the Popes birthday... My Dad's wedding or what ever! If you can't speak in front of a crowd then don't. I can do anything but that. I walk up in front of a crowd and there they are staring at me and I feel my face go flush, my ears start to burn, my vision starts going black, everyone knows I am scared to death so they get absolutely quiet as a mouse and then I really start to panic! My guts start gurrgling, I feel like I might pass gas in front of every one so my whole body tightens up and I turn white as a sheet, someone calls the paramedics, they pick me up, without my body bending and place me on the gurny and haul me off to the hospitial thinking I done died and went stiff as a board. No, don't do it! I won't! :eek:

aqua@home · Jul 13, 2006, 02:08 PM

Too much rep...

It's like I can feel it happening as I'm reading magprob's post... LOL.

I will have to figure something out. Just two minutes... well maybe one.

Thanks for the advice so far all.

J_9 · Jul 13, 2006, 02:09 PM

Got the good ole pop up. Boy Mag, that is really something!

Me on the other hand loves to speak in front of people, I am sure you can tell by now, but I love to give speeches, teach lessons in things I know about, the more people the better. I was not always like this, but I have found it is better for my self-esteem and confidence.

aqua@home · Jul 13, 2006, 06:57 PM

Originally Posted by J_9

Me on the other hand loves to speak in front of people,...

What are our secrets... what changed for you?

valinors_sorrow · Jul 13, 2006, 07:12 PM

I enjoy it too now even though I started very shy (and can still be very shy in some circumstances too). I speak to varying sized groups, sometimes large audiences about recovery from alcoholism and PTSD only. It is essentially my story that is told so I just tell the truth. I had done it a bunch -- like several dozen times or so when one day, I finally "saw" the audience and it was like walking through a wall of fog, to the other side where I suddenly became perfectly comfortable with speaking. Now I see them smile, laugh, sometimes cry. Its all comfortable for me. The only hard part now is how I tend to get "mobbed" a bit afterwards -- that still makes me jittery. I have learned I need time afterwards for "closure".