[SweetBeth]

I've been with my boyfriend for 2 yrs will be 3 this coming June, we bought a house together a year ago. We are very happy the way we are just living together, in the future we know we want to marry, but financially it's not going to happen right. I am so sick of people (friends & family) asking when are you going to get married, or do you think your going to get a ring for Christmas and so on. For one thing I don't want a ring at Christmas, but second how can I give them an answer that makes them back the heck off, and let them know we are good how we are, putting a ring on my finger isn't goiong to change the way we feel about each other, and I've never been a "material girl" who needs that big rock to show off.

[StaticFX]

Lol.. hate to say it, but I doubt you will EVER get them to stop asking. I'll take a bet its mostly married people that ask.. correct? They like to push it on others... after your married, it will be "When are you going to have kids?" after you have one kid, it will switch to "When are you going to have another?"

Just tell them flat out (might need to be a bit forcefull/rude to get the point across. "We have no plans to get married anytime soon. we are happy just how things are right now. PLEASE STOP ASKING!"

Good Luck ! :)

[plonak]

What you can do is stop focusing on what other people are thinking about you.. people are being nosey and you can let it bother you if you truly let it..

Suggestion.. stop answering them.. tell them you have already told them why you're not getting married and leave it at that.. just ignore them if they continue to ask..

You don't owe anyone anything in this life.. you can be happy yourself and you don't need to answer to anyone.. just go on with your life

[Synnen]

Some answers for you:

1. When you decide to pay for and organize the elaborate wedding I want.

2. Oh, we're just waiting until we get pregnant first.

3. Well, with the divorce rate being what it is, we have decided to wait until divorce is banned.

4. We're standing in solidarity with our gay friends and refusing to get married until they can

5. Well, a friend of ours is writing a song for us, and we're just waiting until it hits the top 10 list.

6. Marriage! We need to get a DOG before we can get married!

7. Oh... this is awkward... we're already planning it, you're just not invited.

[StaticFX]

Some answers for you:

1. When you decide to pay for and organize the elaborate wedding I want.

2. Oh, we're just waiting until we get pregnant first.

3. Well, with the divorce rate being what it is, we have decided to wait until divorce is banned.

4. We're standing in solidarity with our gay friends and refusing to get married until they can

5. Well, a friend of ours is writing a song for us, and we're just waiting until it hits the top 10 list.

6. Marriage! We need to get a DOG before we can get married!

7. Oh...this is awkward....we're already planning it, you're just not invited.

7. Oh...this is awkward....we're already planning it, you're just not invited

LMAO!!

[twinkiedooter]

Your friends are looking at the whole picture here. You two have lived together and purchased a home. Usually home purchases revolve around a commitment such as marriage. Sounds like you two enjoy playing house without the legal commitment. It may not bother you, but it sure bothers your well meaning friends. So why not get married? Or is it him that doesn't want to? Gee, why does that sound familiar in these days when a lot of men refuse to grow up and take responsibility seriously. This is probably NOT the answer you desire, but it is my take on the question.

[donf]

I'd like to add a number 8, please.

8) When I start making him realize he can't milk the cow for free!

[Synnen]

I really don't know why a lot of people are fixated on marriage.

If it had not been for the legal aspect of it, I doubt my husband and I would be married today, even after 12 years together.

It just didn't matter to us---it was a freaking piece of paper, and it had all those weird religious overtones, and we're different religions, and blah blah blah. It just did NOT matter to us---until I wasn't allowed to get any information in the emergency room about him, because I wasn't related to him or married to him.

I really think that's the ONLY reason we felt we needed to get married: After spending 12 hours in the hospital unable to get ANY information about him---I told him on the way home that we were getting married, and if he had anything to say, now was the time to discuss it.

So--if you don't feel like getting married, then don't. Unfortunately, those with strong religious beliefs will ALWAYS try to make that sound like a bad thing. However, it's YOUR life. Live it the way you want to.

[twinkiedooter]

I don't think it has anything whatsoever to do with "strong religious beliefs". Sorry. What I think it has to do is the guy just does NOT want to act like an adult. He'd much rather continue acting like a spoiled brat and skirk his responsibility. Let me guess. Even after you have 12 kids you still won't feel the "need" to get married? Or at least HE won't feel the need to get married. It's what HE wants. Not what you want. A house together is a huge joint purchase. Children are a "huge joint purchase" as well. You are basically showing your family and friends that you supposedly don't want to get married because you don't feel it is necessary. Apparently you have been way too influenced by the Hollywood stardom drivel of live together, have a bunch of kids and forget to get married. Your morals are showing, honey, and they are definitely deficient.

[donf]

Synnen,

We agree again in an indirect way.

One should not feel pressured into marrying. Both parties would be better to "Feel" that marriage is the next step for them, regardless of finances or how great the sex is or isn't. Certainly be hounded all the time will do nothing more then polorize these two folks.

I do not condone or support that behavior.

IMPO: these two folks are now at the decision point. If they choose to hold off, so be it.

As to marriage, I happen to be strongly in favor of marriage. Both my wife and I are Catholic and that in no way instigated our getting married. In fact it was 3 years after we eloped in Baltimore that we were married in the Church.

[Fr_Chuck]

I will say basically bull, waiting till you can aford it?? Don't have 100 dollars for a license ?

If you just don't want to say so, stop making excuses. You already have all the bills that a married couple has, rent, electric, car payment and so on, so stop the silly money issues.

The marriage is a sign of commitment, not that many take it serious, but if you are, that is what people are suppose to do.

[KBC]

I guess there are a lot of pro's and cons in this decision.

Tax breaks for married couples,shared credit,common purchases which in a commitment(like marriage) are perfect memories for the future.

How long is long enough to be just a couple?

I am NOT a big 'go and get the marriage' person,no sense waiting till a shoe drops and one or the other decides to call it quits,but again how long does it take to make that commitment?

*EDIT... Did I forget to mention the con's??

[Synnen]

Honestly---the points about the guy not growing up? Where are you getting that? I re-read the original post, and there is NOTHING there that says anything but "we". For all YOU know, it might be the OP that is dragging HER feet, not the guy not wanting to grow up.

As far as the "not afford it" argument--well, I don't know many women that dream of the courthouse wedding, really. If you're going to do it, do it the way you've daydreamed about it since you were five, In my opinion. A girl's wedding is the only day most of us ever get to be "Princess for a Day" in this day and age, so most women DO want to wait until they can "afford" it.

Either way, getting married is as personal a decision as having kids is. However, your friends, family, and complete strangers will always ask you rude questions about your personal life, so either make a joke out of it or let it go, imo.