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Alty · Feb 21, 2009, 07:17 PM

Originally Posted by UnluckyDucky

This situation kind of hits home with me. I had an ex also that exhibited stalker type behavior. She actually broke into my apartment one day and cleaned it, did my laundry, and baked cookies for me. Can you say psycho?

Like others have stated, not much you can do except change your number and ignore her - but also making it clear beyond a shadow of a doubt that the relationship is over.

Cookies and cleaning? Wow, I wish! ;)

Jlesnik33 · Feb 21, 2009, 07:36 PM

Go to the police and report her, not only would it be better for you, but it would be better for her. It sounds like she needs help and if police take over they can help her. But don't feel bad. You're the one who told her the truth that you didn't feel the same way anymore. You did the right thing as far as tell her the truth. But other then that she could be saying she's going to kill herself so you would run to her and be there for her like she wants you to. Don't be afraid move on and put her in your past. No matter how pesty she might be getting..

*but the cops could help

Peanuts825 · Feb 22, 2009, 01:54 AM

Keep all the notes or anything she sends you as proof... yes.. call the cops.. get a restraining order.. looks like it might be the only thing to keep her off your back

oldenoughtoknow · Feb 22, 2009, 04:47 AM

Originally Posted by Jlesnik33

she could be saying shes going to kill herself so you would run to her and be there for her like she wants you to.

I think that is why she does it, so she can still have some sort of control over me however small. If I get a text asking if I'll meet her and don't reply I receive about 5/6 texts an hour saying all crazy stuff but if I reply NO she leaves me alone for the rest of the day so I found it easier to reply.

I guess from now on though its another new number, I can't be responsible for her any longer.

UnluckyDucky · Feb 22, 2009, 07:11 AM

In your case I could see this ultimately going to the point where the are police involved, so be wary of any escalating behavior on her part.

My ex eventually got a restraining order on ME and I was essentially kicked out of my apartment for a few weeks (she stayed there claiming she was living with me, pretty messed up I know!) When I showed up at court I told the judge that she was the one who broke into my apartment to clean, do my laundry, and bake cookies he shook his head with this look of disbelief on his face. She didn't deny doing this, saying instead that she loved me and that I needed her. So, the judge removed the restraining order on me and put one on HER and then ordered her out of my apartment.

Just be careful, not sure if your ex would be the type to and do something like this so you might want to take the initiative and go to the cops but you know her better than us.

Fyi: the cookies were good..

heartbroke · Feb 22, 2009, 11:42 AM

Have you sat down and talked with her? Some people need complete closure. By this I mean sitting down face to face and being compassionate. Tell her that what you guys had is over and she needs to accept that. Tell her what she's doing is unhealthy and needs to stop. She needs to move on with her life, and that she can't pin guilt on someone because they don't get their way, and that its not fair. Remind her that feelings have to be mutual for a relationship to continue, and your feelings for her have changed.Some people can't accept the full picture unless its explained to them in a nurturing way. If she still doesn't understand, warn her about the legal consequences. If she doesn't listen then take action.

oldenoughtoknow · Feb 22, 2009, 01:27 PM

Originally Posted by heartbroke

Have you sat down and talked with her? Some people need complete closure. By this i mean sitting down face to face and being compassionate. Tell her that what you guys had is over and she needs to accept that. Tell her what she's doing is unhealthy and needs to stop. She needs to move on with her life, and that she can't pin guilt on someone because they dont get their way, and that its not fair. Remind her that feelings have to be mutual for a relationship to continue, and your feelings for her have changed.Some people can't accept the full picture unless its explained to them in a nurturing way. If she still doesnt understand, warn her about the legal consequences. If she doesnt listen then take action.

I have. She said she understand she's to blame and is sorry and she understands everything but asked if I would not change my number and reply to her so she knows I am safe and well (am going through a medical ordeal at the minute) so it seemed reasonable and I agreed the first few days I got a couple texts asking if I am OK and how did things go. Then I went a few days without replying and she replied how bad she was feeling not knowing if I was OK and that she was so bad she was going to end it and then watch over me from the other side, so I replied I was fine, Since then it has escalated into what I have just described.

heartbroke · Feb 22, 2009, 02:12 PM

Then it is time to move on to the next step and take action. You warned her already

talaniman · Feb 23, 2009, 08:35 AM

Document everything, and ignore her as she isn't taking no for an answer. When you complain to the police your evidence will speak for you. Change that number so she cannot contact you. That's a must, and a clear signal to leave you alone.

Romefalls19 · Feb 23, 2009, 08:39 AM

Change your number! Then do as Tal said, document everything, hopefully it won't come to a police issue and she will eventually grow up

heartbroke · Mar 17, 2009, 12:18 AM

Any updates?

oldenoughtoknow · Mar 17, 2009, 07:03 AM

It's still going on.

I deleted my Facebook, changed my mobile phone number and set all her emails to spam and I only check that email once a week to keep it active so she can't steal the account if it goes inactive.

I got away for a week and stayed with a mate for a much needed rest I got back there had been no letters through the door so it all looked good but I don't know if she had still been going past the house in that time. Thing is I received no emails in that time but all of a sudden as soon as I get back I'm getting them again, I don't know if it is coincidence or she knew I went away?

Then yesterday I received an email saying she loves me, then she messaged my best friend on Facebook to ask him to tell me she still loves me. My friend is a police officer and I have informed him of everything that has happened, he let her know in no uncertain terms if she contacts him ever again he will have her done for harassment.

My friend told me she has added a few of my friends on Facebook and even added my boxing instructor as a friend. The friend she added I no longer speak to and after 3 years of being at my gym I'm changing gyms because she knows the address of the gym and training times.

The whole thing is driving me crazy, constantly looking over my shoulder when I'm out, its making me not want to leave the house. I've been back a few days and I've asked my friend if I could go stay there again next week for a few weeks which is fine.

HistorianChick · Mar 17, 2009, 07:23 AM

Its time to bring this to the police. You can file a report without getting a restraining order.

File the report. Document it.

Been there, done that, no fun. But you have to stand up for yourself and take control of the situation.

Best of luck. Crazy exes are no fun. I know :)

Lovelee · Mar 17, 2009, 09:57 AM

I too had a crazy stalker ex-boyfriend who told my friends and acquaintances that he was going to kill me after I changed my phone number! I even had to get police protection for a couple days then I just moved out of town completely.
With these crazy people sometimes drastic measures are necessary or they will consume your whole life!

oldenoughtoknow · Mar 17, 2009, 10:55 AM

I don't think people take it as serious when it's a female stalking a male, especially as she is small and quite attractive and I'm quite big and train and box etc. Someone even said to me I wouldn't mind if she stalked me.

I definitely don't want to move city as I have just applied for my dream job. If I don't get the job then I may consider it, my friend asked if I would move to where she lives 200 miles away and get a house together which does sound really tempting, we lived together while at university for 2 years so I know it could work.

oldenoughtoknow · Apr 26, 2009, 07:26 AM

So another update this whole thing is driving me crazy!!

I had 2 weeks of relative silence just two notes through the post. But this past week has been a nightmare, its starting up again. I've received 7 notes. 4 through the post and 3 put through my door after she has knocked at my door and hung around outside my house for a couple of hour.

She's back to driving past my house again nearly everyday.

I went to the police who are unwilling to do anything! They said as she has not threatened me or been malicious they can't do anything. They just advised me to change my number which I have done ages ago and to save all correspondence she has had with me. Bloody useless.

Anyone have any ideas as what to do next? I've lost friends and had to miss certain activities I like as she turns up all the time. The places I like to go are out of bounds as she always turns up.

heartbroke · Apr 27, 2009, 04:53 PM

Why don't u just go about your life and prentend she's not there. Don't look at her, turn your back or wlak away if she talks to you...

Gemini54 · Apr 27, 2009, 05:35 PM

I'm not sure if you can get a restraining order - without proof of threats or violence.
However, I think that you should keep a written record of everything that happens and lodge a report with the Police. I suspect that there is not much they can do at the moment unless she does something more serious than just hassling you.

What you can and must do is have no contact with her whatsoever. Are you able to take a holiday or go away for a while? If you can't then I'd be at home as little as possible - eat out, visit friends, see a movie.

Pretend she doesn't exist - put her out of your mind. The more you think about the things she's doing (and worry about them) the more energy you give her. She'll tire of it eventually and hassle some poor other sucker.

Gemini54 · Apr 27, 2009, 05:40 PM

Originally Posted by oldenoughtoknow

So another update this whole thing is driving me crazy!!!

I had 2 weeks of relative silence just two notes through the post. But this past week has been a nightmare, its starting up again. I've received 7 notes. 4 through the post and 3 put through my door after she has knocked at my door and hung around outside my house for a couple of hour.

She's back to driving past my house again nearly everyday.

I went to the police who are unwilling to do anything! They said as she has not threatened me or been malicious they can't do anything. They just advised me to change my number which I have done ages ago and to save all correspondence she has had with me. Bloody useless.

Anyone have any ideas as what to do next? I've lost friends and had to miss certain activities I like as she turns up all the time. The places i like to go are out of bounds as she always turns up.

There is no easy answer. You just have to be more determined that her! Don't give her any energy - ignore her, ignore her, ignore her. Don't let her drive you away from the places you like. Let other people know that she's stalking you so that they can respond by ignoring her as well. It will take time, but essentially you have to act like she does not exist.