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Gangster1 · Dec 9, 2008, 12:59 PM

Me and my ex of 6 years keep talking back with each other despite breaking up so many times. We go for a couple of months that we don't talk or see each other than we either are talking again and having sex with each other. This time its been 2months now that we have been talking but nothing else just kind of friends. We have talked about coming back again but see I don't know if I want to go back, cause she is the one who always breaks up the relationship. Then I get hurt and depressed and all that. I kind like always look for her and for some reason I guess she talks to me again. In a way I want to be careful about staring something else with her because don't want to go trough all this again. I get jealous when she talks about other guys or when she hangs out with them. I have a feeing that she doesn't want to go trough this again either. Could this be it for us? We only see each other 1 time a week and every time we hang out there is a feeling that something is not right. I want to start something again with her and I feel she does too but this time around it feels different. Is there a point where a couple get fed up with each other of going back and forth and that's it. I want us to be friends but I get jealous when she talks about other guys and I also get anxious when she doesn't call! Even though we aren't dating or anything. What should I do?

kctiger · Dec 9, 2008, 01:01 PM

Why do you feel the need to keep opening up a wound that hasn't even healed yet? Enough is enough man! Find someone else who doesn't break up with you constantly. You deserve that.

Kitten78 · Dec 9, 2008, 02:28 PM

I did this for YEARS with my ex and it never got better. Sometimes you really try to make it work but it just dosen't.

Yes. There is a point when a relationship should just end. You said yourself something isn't right.

End it with your head held high because you gave the relationship many chances.

And ending this relationship is the only way you will be able to start a new one.

Gangster1 · Dec 9, 2008, 02:36 PM

Yeah! I don't even know why is this kind of behavior constantly with me! Its like an emotional coaster that seem I can't get off from it

Gangster1 · Dec 9, 2008, 02:39 PM

And how am I supposed to find a new relationship when I've suffer from low self steem all my life

BlackVY · Dec 9, 2008, 02:45 PM

Dude... U sound just like me... the roller coaster you speak of, I'm on it with you... just 2 seats behind you... all this going up and down... all these loops we keep going through... damn its making me sick... :(

simoneaugie · Dec 9, 2008, 02:49 PM

You use the drama to feel, "real." Low self-esteem is a solveable problem. Drama and chaos in your life put off the solution to the self-esteem issue. Counselling may help get you going the right direction. In any case, don't beat yourself up for mistakes you have made. You were doing the best you knew how.

Part of personal growth is learning to weigh the real value of chaos and drama in your life. Sometimes it's a good thing, not usually.

BlackVY · Dec 9, 2008, 02:56 PM

Originally Posted by simoneaugie

You use the drama to feel, "real." Low self-esteem is a solveable problem. Drama and chaos in your life put off the solution to the self-esteem issue. Counselling may help get you going the right direction. In any case, don't beat yourself up for mistakes you have made. You were doing the best you knew how.

Part of personal growth is learning to weigh the real value of chaos and drama in your life. Sometimes it's a good thing, not usually.

Hmmm... drama... damn... check it.. I'm an Indian guy in Sydney... and yeah, it's a fact that lots of Indian girls cause drama and stuff... I've dated Indian girls and seriously, the bold and the beautiful or the young and the restless is like a kids show compared to what I've been through...

So I started dating a white girl... and things were OK for a while... then all the drama began again, and it was worse than anything else I've been through...

I don't know if its just me or not... but I really can't stand drama... but maybe it's a part of life... or maybe I'm just a magnet for drama queens... so sad... :(

kctiger · Dec 9, 2008, 02:57 PM

Look... women = drama. The two go hand in hand. At least, from my experience they do.

talaniman · Dec 9, 2008, 03:14 PM

I can tell you that part of growing, is being able to cope with your own feelings, and act on facts, and reality, and not just those strong feelings that we have.

Stay single, and independent, and having a life that you enjoy, and being happy with who you are, will help yourself esteem, and give you a solid foundation to grow, so you will always stand up for yourself, and won't have to fall for the drama, and emotional crap, others can bring into your life.

Self esteem is best gotten by small things you do for yourself, that makes you happy, so set some reasonable goals that make you better.

Then you can think before you get on those roller coasters, and if you do go for a ride, know when to get off of them.

Kitten78 · Dec 9, 2008, 03:33 PM

Originally Posted by Gangster1

And how am I supposed to find a new relationship when I've suffer from low self steem all my life

Yourself esteem should be your first priority. Take some time to be single and focus on yourself. Once you set yourself straight good things will come to you.:p

SimpleguyJoe · Dec 9, 2008, 04:41 PM

Sounds like your shooting yourself in your foot healing up then doing it again just to see if it will be more painful this time around. If you were a bird how many times would you have to fly into a window before you figured it out?

Sorry for the stupid analogies but that's what came to mind. I think your just hurting each other in the long run spend some time away and then maybe months down the road open the line of friendship again. But don't give into getting back into a relationship with this girl unless major things change.

simoneaugie · Dec 9, 2008, 08:06 PM

If people were birds flying into windows, most of us would be dead. LOL

People are such creatures of habit. Low self-esteem and attraction to drama queens... Then we do it all over again. There is your answer.

Don't do it again.

If you want things to get better, first they have to get different. A suggestion was made earlier to start by accomplishing small things. Even if a success is small, pat yourself on the back.

BlackVY · Dec 9, 2008, 08:09 PM

Originally Posted by simoneaugie

If people were birds flying into windows, most of us would be dead. LOL

People are such creatures of habit. Low self-esteem and attraction to drama queens...Then we do it all over again. There is your answer.

Don't do it again.

If you want things to get better, first they have to get different. A suggestion was made earlier to start by accomplishing small things. Even if a success is small, pat yourself on the back.

Yeah... every little bit counts I guess...

But why are the low self-esteem people attracted to drama queens? That's just a deadly combo...

talaniman · Dec 9, 2008, 09:22 PM

Sit down, and make a plan to have something to do whenever you get that feeling, and feel down on yourself. Buy yourself something nice to wear, or treat yourself to a shave, and haircut.

Every time you brush your teeth tell the guy in the mirror "I Love you."

When your good to yourself again and again, you'll appreciate yourself, even if others don't.

SimpleguyJoe · Dec 10, 2008, 01:31 AM

The truth is a painful pill to swallow. But you can start by telling this girl that for the time being it's best that you both just do your own things. Maybe something along the lines of "as things are now we just will not work out. Take some time away and work on yourself and ill do the same and we will see where things go from there."

This is where things get annoying. Get yourself involved in the world around you. You would be amazed at how damn good you feel at the end of a community project that you get absolutely NOTHING out of after a break up. I also found that working on yourself is about as good of medicine as you can get when getting over a girl. Train on doing whatever you do well better. Get into the gym with your spare time and hit the books and build up your charisma and character. 3-4 months down the road when she sees you she will probably regret being so flakey and the ball will be in your hands.