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ThatGuy2 · Dec 23, 2008, 10:50 AM

Honestly, even if she didn't respond in a way that shows she cares or didn't respond at all, I think I would be OK with it. She spent the night with that guy on our 3rd year anniversary and that gave me the strength to bag up the memories in my room, but for some reason I couldn't hate her for it. Even if she's with someone else, even if she hates me, I can't seem to stop loving her. I still want the very best for her. Am I just confused?:confused:

kctiger · Dec 23, 2008, 10:52 AM

You will never stop loving her as a person, I doubt, however you contacting her or giving her warm well wishes serves NO PURPOSE at all for your benefit. Love yourself, and worry about yourself. It is good you want her to be happy, so leave her alone and focus on your own happiness. She isn't your problem anymore, you are priority number one.

ThatGuy2 · Dec 25, 2008, 02:28 AM

So my ex who broke up with me 13 days ago just sent me a text: "Merry Christmas!!"
I wasn't going to send her a text because everyone here told me not to, but I felt rude to not respond to that so I replied: "I wish you and your family a very Merry Christmas:)"
Did I just screw up? I obviously still love her immensely and honestly, this was just a friendly text. Not trying to give myself false hope or anything. Does this mean I should also send her a birthday text, card, or gift? It's coming up in 20 days. Should I not stay civil? Should I not stay friendly? Should I not stay sane?

thadevilsadvocate · Dec 25, 2008, 03:07 AM

There is nothing wrong with being civil, but it only having been 13 days, you need to be careful. You might not feel like you are giving yourself false hope right now, but over the next few weeks or so, those feelings may set in. if you can be civil and not give yourself false hope, then go with it, but depending on how it ended, you may need time to heal first. To be honest, the fact that you had to come here to ask the question (which is a very normal thing to do), just goes to show, that still having contact with her, affects you. I would give it some time and not bother writing the happy birthday message... if she wanted that, she shouldn't have ended the relationship. I would go no contact and give yourself some time to heal.

talaniman · Dec 25, 2008, 06:18 AM

The advice is leave the exes alone, and that's for the best, as it does make you think of them ,and any sign of caring gets the mind racing with false hope, or confusion.

If done in the spirit of the holiday, or event, and not to reach out, and seek contact, then nothing wrong with being courteous. Everyone has to judge where they are at honestly, and do whats best for them.

Advice is only food for thought, not a rule.

Imagine your feelings had she not wished you happy holiday, or had not responded to your greeting.

Fr_Chuck · Dec 25, 2008, 08:41 AM

Still best advice, don't read the ex's texts, just delete, being civil or polite can lead to months of hope for something that is just not there.

It may have been a personal text, or as I did, send a Merry Christmas to everone on my phone list, they may have not even thought about it going to you.

Or worst, doing it, to mess with you

wolfgangqpublic · Dec 25, 2008, 11:53 AM

Tal is right - I see no hidden message here. She still cares about you even if she knows the relationship is not what she wants, and wanted to be civil. And you replied in a civil manner.

I WOULD, in this case, send her a similarly brief text message on her birthday. If it was further away in time I wouldn't advise yet.

Do not buy her a gift - she's not your girlfriend.

Romefalls19 · Dec 25, 2008, 04:29 PM

It was probably a mass text sent to everyone in your phone. Why are you so concerned about it? You are reading way to far between the lines, relationships end for all sorts of reasons, it means they weren't working out for one person or the other. Very rarely do they get back together and even less cases do they stay together. Whenever your try to pick up the pieces of a relationship its like trying to glue a broken mirror back together, you can still see all of the broken pieces and it will NEVER be the same again.

PurpLePassion · Dec 25, 2008, 06:17 PM

If you guys decided to remain friends then don't think too deeply about it, they're being friendly.

And as far as doing ALL that... ummm... idk, depends on how cool you guys are. However, if it hurts too much try to avoid it... distance yourself from them until you can text them without feeling like you want them back.

xoxosquare · Dec 25, 2008, 06:27 PM

Girls LOVE nice guys even though you may be ex's you should still talk to her and Definitely be friendly!

talaniman · Dec 25, 2008, 07:11 PM

Originally Posted by xoxosquare

girls LOVE nice guys even though you may be ex's you should still talk to her and DEFINATELY be friendly!!

Why can't he heal first and be friends maybe later? What's the rush to be in the friendzone, knowing good, and well, his feelings are hurt? That's not nice.

EmOGrIl · Dec 25, 2008, 07:36 PM

I sugest to just act friendly and maybe shell like u back in the time

ThatGuy2 · Dec 26, 2008, 02:26 AM

But I am a nice guy, I'm not just acting friendly lol. I actually didn't think too much of the text, just kind of surprised me as she sent it at 2:13 am. I did, however, have dreams of getting back together that night... Guess I did over think a bit after all. I think I will send her a birthday text. I was going to give her a gift through a friend anonymously, but what do I have to gain from that? She'll find out it was from me and instantly fall back in love with me? That would be awesome... :D

the_truth305 · Dec 26, 2008, 02:33 AM

Look, your first major problem is this girl became your mom... she did everything for you and became dependent of her. She is gone now... and if you truly love her it is totally understandable you wish her the best BUT its time to use this as motivation. Pick yourself back up... and get out there. LEarn from the mistakes and be a MAN and stop depending on women to take the roll of your mother. You'll be fine... and December is the worst month to break up (along with February) because is usually cool and you've lost your cuddle buddy and no cute gifts.

grindin · Dec 26, 2008, 06:03 AM

The only thing you could do right now is forget about her and find yourself. It seems like you've lost yourself and you lost who you used to be. You have to be a Man. Find a way to be happy and care for yourself before others. Think! When you first met, were you that same man you are today? Were you even a man at that time? If not then it's time to become one. Get over her. You need balance in your life. She can't be the only meaning of your life. You have friends, work, hobbies and your own life. Go be happy with yourself before you're happy with someone else. By reading what you wrote, this could be the reason she left you. Because you became needy, a little child, and someone who you weren't from the start. And if she really did love you, maybe one day if you two met again and she will see how you changed and maybe start to fall for you again. But never do HOPE for that. Do it for yourself! Don't worry bro. read all these post by people who's going through the same thing as you. You are not alone my friend. Be strong! ALOHA

kctiger · Dec 26, 2008, 07:04 AM

Originally Posted by ThatGuy2

But I am a nice guy, I'm not just acting friendly lol. I actually didn't think too much of the text, just kind of surprised me as she sent it at 2:13 am. I did, however, have dreams of getting back together that night.... Guess I did over think a bit after all. I think I will send her a birthday text. I was going to give her a gift through a friend anonymously, but what do I have to gain from that? She'll find out it was from me and instantly fall back in love with me? That would be awesome...:D

Don't count on it, but I guess stranger things have happened. Just do your best to protect yourself! Good luck.

ThatGuy2 · Jan 1, 2009, 02:38 AM

So my ex, who initiated a break 21 days ago then broke it off 2 weeks afterwards, became really religious all of a sudden. She goes to church all the time, quotes all these bible verses, and always mentions God if she texts me. She sent me a text for new years and said:
"Happy new year !! Another year of happiness and good health! God bless!"
She has only sent me 2 texts, one for Christmas and now one for new years. I texted her back and said:
"Happy new year ex's_name. May this year bring you good fortune to your health and well being."'
Too much? I'm being civil just like during Christmas time, not trying to give myself false hope or anything. Just this whole religious thing kind of got me thinking about stuff again. Is it a cult or something? What gives? I'll probably send her a happy birthday text since it's coming up in 14 days. If only I could hate her for what she did, it would make things so much easier...

clhend · Jan 1, 2009, 06:59 AM

Sometimes you just can't compete with the Big Guy! Seriously, be civil and kind, but if she is serious about this change, then she's made a wise choice. Very seldom does a longterm relationship work out between someone who has a deep commitment to being a Christian and one who has no idea what's going on or what being a true Christian is all about.

aszmhodeus · Jan 1, 2009, 07:24 AM

Maybe she finds a place of refuge within her beliefs. There is no need to worry about as long as it is not too excessive. There is nothing wrong at all to believe in God and to think of a supreme being that handles all. It can actually act like a positive aspect in your relationship (even if normal friends or lovers).

My girlfriend (or ex, don`t know yet) is also very religious, sometimes it brought me to the edge too, but I tried to be calm and respect her decision. Think you should do the same.

liz28 · Jan 1, 2009, 08:24 AM

Maybe, you shouldn't send her anymore texts messages and move on unless the two of you decided to be friends.

It's better that she turned to a religion than doing drugs or anything illegal. Don't you think?