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talaniman · Dec 12, 2008, 01:27 PM

Its obvious this break up hasn't paralyzed her, as it has you. Give yourself time to deal with this emotionally, and leave her alone, and read the stickies at the beginning of this forum.

ThatGuy2 · Dec 12, 2008, 01:39 PM

I'm always going to love her, but I'm doing everything I can to not be IN love with her anymore. I have been going out, working out everyday, going out to events (even if we were both invited, man it sucks), working on projects for school (so hard to concentrate on anything), volunteering, pretty much everything I can to get her out of my mind. As for bagging the memories, maybe I'll just bag all her belongings, give it back to her tomorrow, and keep another bag for mementos in the closet. It's just tough because she bought so much for me like my clothes, jackets, desk, drawers, my watch, 1000's of pictures from trips and stuff, and even my boxers! Maybe this was a failing relationship from the start since I let her become like my mother. Thanks for the comments HistorianChick. Oh and you I did read the stickes, very helpful stuff. Just seems impossible right now. Thanks for the comments Talaniman.

HistorianChick · Dec 12, 2008, 01:46 PM

You can do it. :) We're all here for you - having been there before and survived. :)

ThatGuy2 · Dec 14, 2008, 02:28 AM

Ya so this new guy that started work a month ago kept on flirting and asking out my ex even when he knew we were going out. She told me about it and how irritating he was, and I really felt like a grew in the relationship. I completely trusted and respected her and told her that I believed her and thanked her for telling me. After she initiated the break she apparently spent a lot more time with him and on the phone as well (irritating eh?). And after she officially broke up with me 2 hours and 18 minutes before the start of what would have been our 3rd year anniversary, I decided to talk to her one last time hoping to get some closure. I spent what would have been our anniversary day working an extra shift while being depressed and hating myself for letting this happen (damn that was a long day). Next day when we worked together I had the heart to heart chat with her for about an hour. She says she only loves me as a friend and likes the way things are right now. Not the closure I wanted but nothing I can do. I later found out she stayed over night with that new guy who kept flirting with her on what would have been our 3rd anniversary while I was hating myself thinking back to what I could have done to save the relationship. He drove her to work that morning. She kept referring him to as "a friend" so I had no idea. But I found out from other co-workers afterwards. Something inside me snapped and I calmly confronted her. She says they're just really good friends. After all she has gotten to know him for 3 weeks already. I know I have no proof they slept together, but I really don't think that matters anymore. Just thought I would conclude this little love story. Thanks for your comments.

ThatGuy2 · Dec 14, 2008, 02:31 AM

Ya so this new guy that started work a month ago kept on flirting and asking out my ex even when he knew we were going out. She told me about it and how irritating he was, and I really felt like a grew in the relationship. I completely trusted and respected her and told her that I believed her and thanked her for telling me. After she initiated the break she apparently spent a lot more time with him and on the phone as well (irritating eh?). And after she officially broke up with me 2 hours and 18 minutes before the start of what would have been our 3rd year anniversary, I decided to talk to her one last time hoping to get some closure. I spent what would have been our anniversary day working an extra shift while being depressed and hating myself for letting this happen (damn that was a long day). Next day when we worked together I had the heart to heart chat with her for about an hour. She says she only loves me as a friend and likes the way things are right now. Not the closure I wanted but nothing I can do. I later found out she stayed over night with that new guy who kept flirting with her on what would have been our 3rd anniversary while I was hating myself thinking back to what I could have done to save the relationship. He drove her to work that morning. She kept referring him to as "a friend" so I had no idea. But I found out from other co-workers afterwards. Something inside me snapped and I calmly confronted her. She says they're just really good friends. After all she has gotten to know him for 3 weeks already. I know I have no proof they slept together, but I really don't think that matters anymore. Just thought I would conclude this little love story. Thanks for your comments.

kctiger · Dec 14, 2008, 07:39 AM

Well, you got your closure, even though it wasn't what you wanted to hear (clearly). Things aren't always as they seem. I am sorry you had to go through this, but we have all been there. Now, it is truly time to accept this and move on. You will be much happier without her, in time, as long as you can build a life around yourself that makes you happy. Good luck! Keep us informed on your progress.

talaniman · Dec 14, 2008, 07:52 AM

There was nothing you could do, her mind was made up!

Birtanem · Dec 14, 2008, 07:56 AM

Heyy,
Are yo all right..
IT was very similar situation as me so, I just felt pain when I read it..
I don't know what your girlfriend thinks but if she was me, I guess I wanted to be alone and spend time with my friends. If I was her, it's impossible to crush on another boy or make another boyfriend because 3 years that I spent with my boyfriend were very meaningful for me..

Take care..

ThatGuy2 · Dec 14, 2008, 01:32 PM

Ya I thought she wanted to be alone too to think and do her own thing, but apparently she wants to be alone with this guy and spend time with him instead. She was so busy these past months to spend time with me. Suddenly she has all the time in the world for this guy. And I'm not just assuming they're spending time together, she makes these plans with him and flirts over the phone right beside me during work. They have the next 3 months planned out already and I hear every juicy detail standing right beside her. Seriously? Come on. On the other hand, my 2 doctor friends said that I can get a note from them for Adjustment Disorder. Now I have more time for studying and finishing projects (so sad this is the only positive thing I can think of that I got out of this ordeal). Time heals everything right? This will be one hell of a time.

Eileen1218 · Dec 14, 2008, 02:01 PM

I'm a woman and I agree with Talanima! I wouldn't know what else to call it but a clean breakup . I'm sorry you are so hurt.

Miss-JS · Dec 14, 2008, 02:53 PM

I think you have been doing well considering the situation, the lack of closure must be really hard on you not to mention hearing she has already monved on.
Is it possible for you to work anywhere other than next to her at work? It doesn't sound as though she is being very sensitive!
You are doing the right thing in giving back her stuff, although don't bother giving back all of the gifts she brought for you (such as clothes etc) unless it upsets you to still have them.
Try not to run yourself down too much, spend time doing things you enjoy and with (other) people that you enjoy spending time with.
Well done so far :)

Dare81 · Dec 14, 2008, 06:28 PM

I know its hard right now, but it will only get better with time.If you really have to talk to her at work, keep it short and professional

ThatGuy2 · Dec 14, 2008, 09:22 PM

Ya I didn't think it would be as bad today but it didn't get any better. I spent the morning working then the rest of the day with my friends. All I could think about was what the ex and this new guy could be doing together right now. I know these are normal thoughts, just it's still so unbelievably hard right now. And I know they're doing stuff together right now because she made those plans on the phone yesterday right beside me... I can stop working that shift with her, but I can't let go for some reason. I know I need to but I can't yet. And I know it's only going to get worst if I keep it up since that new guy just took on a shift on that same day with the ex and I every week. What a coincidence... A part of me just wants to let the whole world know what she did to me, yet at the same time I know I shouldn't sink to that level and I'll probably regret it later.

kctiger · Dec 15, 2008, 07:45 AM

ThatGuy, I am assuming your ex is dating another guy now? I am sorry to hear that, and I know how you feel. It hurts man, but don't let your mind make it any worse than it already is, believe me. The best revenge is to move on and be happier and healthier without her in your life. You will eventually do this, and once you have, you will NEVER want to look back. For right now though, I know it is hard. Hard pill to swallow man, but it will get better.

ThatGuy2 · Dec 15, 2008, 02:14 PM

No they are not dating, they are "just really good friends". They talk on the phone and spend time with each other all the time. She even spent the night at his place 12 hours after the breakup on what should have been our 3rd year anniversary. She didn't have time for me back then, but now she has all the time in the world for this new best friend of 3 weeks. I'm probably just thinking too much right?. Can't time pass by any faster?

ThatGuy2 · Dec 22, 2008, 04:39 PM

So it's been 21 days since she initiated a break and 11 days since she officially broke up with me. She texted me and said she would contact me last week to straighten out the bank account and phone stuff, but she never did. Christmas is coming up and her birthday is as well. I wanted to send her this text right now:
"I know your stressed and confused right now. Please take time to relax, think, and do your own thing. Just know you can always call me for anything, anytime."
After that I probably won't contact her for Christmas or her birthday. I obviously still love her, and I don't think that will change. I'm trying to love her and accept reality so I can move on without the bitterness. It's just so freaking hard. Should I send this text? You can check out my other post if you need more info on our background. Thanks.:o

TrueFaith · Dec 22, 2008, 04:43 PM

No!

Dont be that guy.. Thatguy ;)

All that text will say is.. Hunny bunny I know you left me but hey I'm OK with it and if you want to treat me like crap go crazy.. umm yeah ill always be here waiting for you.. and well because I don't think I can find anyone else. And err yeah I'm here and I am your puppy!
BAH!

Come on man the 21 day mark is the worst! That's when you start talking to yourself going ohh yeah just one little text.

But think about it.. one text turns into 20

Turns into you thinking about getting back with her leads to FALSE HOPE
Then bam! Your back to day 1 again..

No no no..

Stay the course keep no contact.. this time frame is for you and only you!
For you to heal and get better.

It seems like a long road and even more so on the holidays trust me I know

But contacting her will only make you feel upset angry and unloved

Don't be weak :)

ThatGuy2 · Dec 23, 2008, 01:30 AM

But she's always been so good to me, it was a mutual thing which is what made this break up such a shock. It came out of no where. I understand she needs time to think and do her own thing, but if I keep this NC thing going, won't that just make her think I've moved on or I don't care? I really thought I was getting better, but now I keep questioning myself. Will giving her and her family a Christmas card really be that bad? Her family and I were pretty close. And is a birthday card really that bad? Just to say happy birthday to show that I care.:confused:

talaniman · Dec 23, 2008, 07:35 AM

When you act out of confusion, you generally get even more confused.

Don't break NO Contact, and don't think leaving the door open means a darn thing at this point.

While I understand the emotion, and shock, hurt,and the fear, the best thing is to do NOTHING at all. I say this for you, as unless you cope with those intense feelings in a positive mature way, you will never heal, and be able to make reasonable decisions for yourself, based on facts and not just emotions (shock, hurt, and the fear).

So no, no texts, no cards. Your not ready for either, any way, and will be worse off for it.

And is a birthday card really that bad? Just to say happy birthday to show that I care.:confused:

And if she doesn't respond they way that shows she cares, or not at all, are you okay with that??????

talaniman · Dec 23, 2008, 07:50 AM

Your threads were merged so the whole story can be told. It also stop confusion.

but I can't let go for some reason. I know I need to but I can't yet. And I know it's only going to get worst if I keep it up since that new guy just took on a shift on that same day with the ex and I every week. What a coincidence... A part of me just wants to let the whole world know what she did to me, yet at the same time I know I shouldn't sink to that level and I'll probably regret it later.

You wrote this, so how is this break up mutual??
She kicked you to the curb to clear the way for another, and you want to keep your best friend, and show her you care??

I don't think so. Bow out of her life gracefully. Keep the NO CONTACT!