[PerplexedGirl]

Hello everyone. My current boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Prior to dating me he has only kissed (closed mouth) or held hands (we starting dating when he was 20). Until I taught him how, he did not masterbait (although for approximately 6-7 years he ejaculated via the water pressure from a pool pump). While we have been sexually active, it has yet to be by him initiating. When we do have sexual intercourse, he does not touch or look at my body (only at my face or temporarily closes his eyes) unless I tell him to (and even then it is only for a few seconds). I am an athlete and have never had this issue before, however I am starting to feel a little self-conscious in the bedroom. We have discussed this several times but nothing has changed. In addition, even though he expresses that he is enjoying himself and tends to "finish" every time, he has (what I can only describe as) a half-fully erect penis. I do not know what to make of his sexual/intimate history (or lack thereof), his behavior when we are intimate, or how to make myself feel like it's not because of me. If anyone has any advice, questions that I could ask him to help get to the bottom of this, or has had a similar experience; your input would be greatly appreciated. In case anyone was wondering, I have asked him if there is a chance that he could be bi- or homosexual but he vehemently denies it. Thanks.

[TrueFaith]

BI! Or homosexual?

Geeez women. The kid is scared. And has not had sex that much

He is still learning.

Show some support and do not call him them names. Because that will just add much more to the scare pile

Sit him down. And have a real talk with him.
Not why are you feeling like this
And is it me..

Both of you. Need to work at this slowly
Yes it happens a lot with couples

Some girls don't get off with some guys
But yet they still love them

Some boys are to scared to have sex yet they love there girlfriends to death..

SHow him some 4 play tricks. And you play with him as well.

Do as much 4 play as you can. To get both of you off.
Try not to make him insecuer
And it has nothing to do with you, either so get that out of your head.

Good luck

[PerplexedGirl]

Just to clarify, there was more to why I asked him about his sexual orientation than the mere fact that he does not look/touch me when we are in an intimate situation. Other friends of his have asked him that in the past, including his former best friend. The fact that he does not fantasize about women, have any type of physiological reaction to the women that he has liked in the past, the pool-pump, and his behaviors/comments in general have raised that question in others. I did not approach him in an accusing or demeaning way; we both acknowledged that I asked it with care and as delicately as I could.

[PerplexedGirl]

As for the other half of your reply (which I am thankful to have), I have done more than my part in regard to teaching him, foreplay, and spicing things up. We have taken things slow for his sake, and I normally have to take control. I guess in a way I'm tired of playing teacher; tired of having to do all of the work; and tired of being sexually frustrated while he leaves with a smile on his face. The last time we spoke about this he just said that he is a selfish lover and gets caught up in his own feelings and sensations. Whether this is just an excuse or the truth, I guess I'm tired of seven months of thinking of him and his sexual needs while being left with a half-hard man and feeling self-conscious. As for the confidence, with the exception of having our "talks," I say confidence-boosting things before, during, and after we engage in intimacy (even if most of it is BS for his sake).

[iloveLf221]

Well, if you're tired of him, break up with him. Easy as that.

[Choux]

You are too domineering for him at this point in his life. He isn't really enjoying himself.

All your questions about his innermost sexual thoughts are a total turn off. I'd be turned off by you too!!

Honestly, leave the guy alone. You could damage him.

[Starbucks21]

I think he's just shy with you. It sounds like he also is afraid of you rejecting him and he has no idea what he's doing sexually. But he tries and want to you

[TrueFaith]

Well if you are tired of him and playing teacher end it for both your sakes

[TexasParent]

It could be that you aren't all that attractive to him physically; he may like/love you for reasons other than you physicality. Sounds like sex hasn't been a priority for him and if your relationship never had the passion or lust that normally accompanies a new relationship, chances are it wasn't built on sex; which is a good thing really in the long run.

OR

I know that sounds weird with regard to a guy, but if he is the shy type, it may be that he has other interests that he spends more time giving brain grease thinking about more than sex.

I knew a bunch of guys like that when I was younger; I was the guy that was constantly thinking about sex, some of my buddies didn't really care for it and they weren't gay. In fact, I envied them as they seemed more balanced and other goal oriented than I was.

If you love him, stop trying to control the situation and find pleasure and joy in what you have and build your sex life together slowly in baby steps; and if you aren't satisfied and it's that important to you, either leave him, or satisfy yourself when he isn't around or even when he is around.

If you are too controlling and he is shy; as has been suggested in another post you need to learn to let go and let God or fate, etc. as you are likely putting a lot of pressure on him to perform a certain way. Cut him some slack and let him grow in the bedroom on his own, you would be surprised what will happen when you STFU.

[N0help4u]

Yeah it could be psychological things as the others have basically said. It could be he has a physical dysfunction. He could just not be into the relationship. He needs to check with the dr and then you need to re evaluate the relationship since you don't seem compatible enough.

[PerplexedGirl]

Thank you to everyone that has replied (esp. TexasParent). My boyfriend sat me down earlier today to "talk about our future" (in a few months I will be relocating). He stated that he would like to move with me and take this relationship to the next level. This took me somewhat by surprise since some of the replies on here made me stop to think about whether he was still "into this relationship." While I was excited about the prospect of having him with me in my soon-to-be new city, I turned down his initial offer. I told him that if he were to move that I would want him to make sure that he was doing it for the right reasons and that he understands that if he comes with me, it's not a guarantee that we will stay together. I also requested that we continue to live apart for the first year (I know this may sound harsh to some). We were good friends before dating and have a good time together outside of intimacy. Speaking of which (intimacy), I have decided to follow some of the advice on here and back off with the questions and initiating. Recently, I have spent some time with other friends and left town for a couple of days to visit an old gal pal (trying to clear my head). I told him that I know that he cares deeply for me, but that maybe the intimacy issues have kind of taken a toll on the rest of the relationship (frustration, questioning myself and him, etc). It may be idealistic, but I want to have a balanced relationship like that which I saw with my parents so I don't know if I have it in me to settle with him knowing that a vital piece of the puzzle is missing (intimacy). As some have suggested, yes I am controlling in certain aspects. It is my fatal flaw, but I like to know what's going on when it's going on and attempt to control it if I think there's a shot that I can. Yes, this is wrong; yes you can only control yourself and even there it's imperfect. I acknowledge this and am working on it, so thanks for pointing out an apparently obvious flaw :-).