[LifeChangesMan]

Wow pal, sticky situation. I think this is where you take the bull by the horns and do what you think you need to do for yourself.

[turtleneck123]

I think I'm going to just try and play it cool, talk if she contacts me if I'm available or feel like talking, maybe contact her occasionally, but I'm going to keep giving her time because otherwise this will go nowhere.

[talaniman]

You go ahead, and try to be cool, when every conversation you have with her, confuses you.

What does that tell you about talking to her? Just think what seeing her in person and talking to her will be like??

You don't need advice, or suggestions at this point. Just review the ones you have already, and make a decision based on facts, that take your own interests, and well being into account.

[turtleneck123]

I have tried going nc the last couple days because she wants time. She'll send me a text Every now and then just to see how my tests are going. Should I just keep nc? I'm supposed to be staying wit her in a few weeks. Don't want it to be awkward but she said she needed time, so why a text from her every couple days? For all I know she could be with another guy even though she says she needs time to be alone and won't be wit anyone else or moved on when I'm up there

[LifeChangesMan]

I'm going to assume you guys are broken up?

So, I would say do whatever makes you more comfortable if your going to be staying with her and such, I would either give short quick replies and end the conversation asap, or I would simply ask her to stop contacting you because this is what she asked for, in this scenario I don't feel ignorance would be the right solution.

I hope this helps!

[jmw0713]

I'd say your doing the right thing. If she needs time and space or whatever give it to her.

She needs to realize what life is without you. So give what she asks and live your own life too.

[talaniman]

Ask Me Help Desk - Search Results

You have started yet another post asking the same questions of the same female, so I assume your unclear, and confused, as to how, and what to do.

In your other posts, you are scheduled for a trip to see her, and you are broken up, and its true that its doubtful this trip will get you back together, just my opinion.

Since your adamant about seeing her do so, as I think her contacting you is her way of making sure your still coming to see her, and keep you on your mind.

Your confusion comes from your inability to make a decision based on the facts you have, as to where this LDR is going. So far your following her, and hoping she changes her mind.

You seem to have ignored the link I sent you to that tells you to communicate and define the boundaries of this LDR, and choose to follow your heart, and do as she says.

You may as well learn the hard way the consequences of your actions, and inaction, and see what's up.

I strongly advise you to drop the No Contact, as you have been only half A$$ed been practicing this tool to healing, and it doesn't benefit you to pretend your healing, when your not. Your waiting for her to take you back, and that's not healing, nor trying to move on.

So, you may as well play her game and find out the hard way that without your honest input, and ability to stand up for yourself, you have no choice but to do as your told, whether it works for you or not.

Not trying to be harsh, just keeping it real, so you have something to think about.

[turtleneck123]

I am confused. I want to go nc. And yes, I do hope she wants to get back, but my #1 priority right now is to try and get happy again, and if it means NC then I got to do it. I do want to see her in a couple weeks because we will have fun, regardless if we are officially together or not, plus I think it will be a reality check for me. I just don't want to blow my chance of seeing her by ignoring her, but then again, if she wanted to see me that bad wouldn't it not matter to her if I ignore her now and still come see her? She says she wants me to come regardless if I ignore her or not. I think I need to take the risk , maybe mention one more time that I need to do this with my life so I'm not miserable and can accept the facts? And if by ignoring so I can stop driving myself nuts about this, she finds another guy, I know its not meant to be and cancel going to stay with her? I think its time to just go by, "let her go and if she comes back it's meant to be?"

[turtleneck123]

What do you think when the ex tells you she understands this is hard on me and will understand if I don't want to talk to her? Does it mean she could care less to talk to me? If so, why has she been so adamant on me visiting her even if I do decide to ignore her the next couple weeks? Or could she realize it is tough on me and is being understanding?

[talaniman]

T-neck, its pretty obvious your mind is starting to play tricks on you. Take heed when you start looking at every little thing she says as having some monumental importance. She was telling you whatever you do is fine with her.

Your already in friend zone, so what difference does it make?

[neverme]

She's trying to be understanding. She's hurting too and probably would like the same understanding shown to her.. no 'plot'! (very sinister word to use? :) )

[turtleneck123]

So what are you saying, I should be there to talk when she contacts me, basically like being on call whenever she feels like contacting me, pretty much when she is bored?

[Dare81]

so wut are you saying, i should be there to talk when she contacts me, basically like being on call whenever she feels like contacting me, pretty much when she is bored?

No contact.If she calls don't pick up.She will get the message.

[thadevilsadvocate]

Turtle, I'm telling you right now, you are going to continue to kill yourself over this. She has already created a reputation as a game player and shown that she is just in this for herself. She is saying this because she is basically trying to put the ball in your court and make you feel guilty that you are doing no contact and not talking to her. The only reason she is considering talking to you is to fill a void that she has, because if you don't talk to her then she has to deal with the fact that she pushed you out of her life and perhaps gave up something good, whereas if you do talk to her and be friends with her, then she never has to worry about having done this, because you are still a part of her life. It is nothing deeper than that. Remember, you have the power right now as long as you aren't speaking to her and staying no contact. If you refer to the "break up first aid" sitcky, one of the things mentioned in there is something to the effect of "...the less you do, the more power you have...". The less you communicate with her, the more she is going to have to realize, and the less you are going to have to worry about.

So, as for this comment, don't respond to her, and just let it be. There is no reason for her to be expecting a response from you, so don't worry about thinking that you needed to give her a response. Just leave it open as it is, and she can sit there and think about it, rather than you.

It's good that you came on here to ask the question though. You needed to talk to someone about this and get opinions because you are in a tough state of mind right now and can't really think clearly, so its good you came on here to ask. Listen to us though, and you will be able to start naturally seeing these things on your own. You have to stay no contact, and you don't reply to this message from her.

[turtleneck123]

I've posted on here a number of times about my situation. Just want to know what you all think realistically. I have been going NC for almost a week. Only have received one text from her and a few ims, didn't respond to any. I am supposed to be visiting her in about 2.5 weeks. She paid for half the flight. If I continue to go NC, you think she will just tell me to forget about coming and staying with her? She told me a week or so ago she understands if I don't want to talk to her and last time we talked, through texts, she said I want you to come and it'll be like usual. I asked if we don't talk do you think we'll still see each other or you'll be moved on and she replied I want to see you if you want to come up and I will not be moved on. (of course she's not going to say shell be moved on) More or less, Im just concerned w/ going up to see her or being able to make other plans if it doesn't work out to see her. I plan to keep going NC for the next week before I give her a call or text to make sure it is OK to come still, otherwise I need to make other plans. I am not trying to play a game just want to uncondition myself from her. Realistically, you think she will just say don't come if I keep going NC or you think I should make a little small talk to keep the trip on? I do want to go and see her, so I'm saying I don't want to mess it up. She said she understands, but Im not trying to be oblivious if you all think its obvious she's going to say don't come. She has only texting me once, so its not like she has been constantly trying to get in touch with me. I want to go up just to have fun, and will not make any attempts at getting back with her. Am I being oblivious thinking she will still want me to come? What do you recommend?

[HistorianChick]

Why did you break up and begin NC in the first place?

[kctiger]

I got to be honest, I don't think it matters one way or the other. If you continue to go NC to 'uncondition' yourself off her, all that progress will be lost once you visit her. If you plan on moving on from this, then you should't see her, period. I guess my point is, you really aren't trying to move on from her, you are really trying to see what reactions you get from her by going NC, and also what reactions you would get from her by visiting her. I think it is a dangerous game to be playing, unless you want to get her back.

[turtleneck123]

I am going up because we will have a good time, plus all my friends who I grew up with are all there too. Im strictly going to have fun, nothing more and I told her if you think it is going to be awkward for you just let me know. She said there is no reason it would be, it'll be just like normal.

[kctiger]

itll be just like normal.

Normal is thrown out the window once you have had a sexual relationship with someone. At least, in my opinion. You cannot go up there and expect everything to be 'normal' and then leave with no emotions whatsoever. I just think you are playing with fire in this situation, and I don't want you to get burnt.

[turtleneck123]

Meaning I will just be back to square one after I leave?