[MissBWleh]

I don't mean to sound dumb but how do I go about that? He is not the most open person in the world when it comes to sex. But he will be coming to see me sometime in December, I guess that is better than having that kind of conversation over the phone.

[asking]

Yes, I agree. It would be better to talk about it in person.

I'm not sure how, but here's a thought. You might get him to talk about someone else he knows whom he considers a proper wife. Ask what attributes make her seem like a good wife. (He may not even know that she is the way he imagines. What you want to know is what he is imagining a good girl is.) Be curious and just listen without judging. Like I said, I don't mean sex specifically, but more general expectations. I really think this would give you a better sense of why he is the way he is and whether you two are a good match in the long run. Just gather some information.

As for his not wanting to try oral sex with you, it's good to respect people's boundaries. If he's not comfortable with it, it can wait. But I agree with others here who say that being able to talk about sex in a relationship is important. Not being able to is a red flag.

[MissBWleh]

Thanks for that I will talk to him when he gets here. I don't know, he seems so shy about talking about it. When I first met him, he was telling me that he did try it before, and then later on he tells me he never tried it. Some things about his sex life never really added up. And I seemed to be the one "teaching" him. Which makes me wonder if A. He had no sexual partners in the past. Or B. He had a bad experience. Now he told me I am the second woman he has been with, so maybe its B. But that confused me from the onset. Outside that, we have a wonderful relationship, he really does love and care for me. And I wouldn't trade him for the world. I guess oral would just be something in my past?

[smoothy]

Something I enjoyed but my partner brushed off would bother me. I've had women that brushed off oral before... and short term it was easy to ignore but long term it would bother me greatly.

Hard to give any pointers on how to talk with him because that's something you do really have to tailor to the person. Someone with those inhibitions needs approached in a way that's not going to put them on the defensive. And that won't be the same person to person.

I'd say likely he has this "I'm the man" attitude and is afraid to comment he really doesn't know much about it as you say you have noticed.

Just keep your eyes open and look for any signs of controlling behaviour that is common in some cultures. He might well just be a naïve nice guy.

[MissBWleh]

Thanks so much Smoothy, you're awesome. I learned so much from your posts. Any more suggestions from you all will be great.