Check out some similar questions!

Sherin333 · Nov 6, 2008, 01:58 PM

Hello all:0)
I dated the love of my life for two years. He recently broke my heart, approximatly 2 and a half weeks ago:( I am having an extremely hard time with this. We were not only lovers were best friends. The beginning of the relationship was great, as everyone's is, then the second year we started bickering over things, for example I didn't like him on Facebook talking to girls, so he got off it and I was happy. Then it was the bikini calendars that he had all over house. He took those down and I was happy for that. I obviously have insecrity issues and am seeking help with counciling. We got into a big argument about a month ago that prevented him from talking to me foir two weeks. I was persistent and said that we could work things out, he seemed skeptical but he wanted to see me. I asked him if he missed me and he said "sexually" :( As in love with him as I am all I wanted to do was hold him. That night I went there and made love to him, because I love him. That was Thursday, we spent Friday, Saturday together and on Monday he didn't call me. I couldn't sleep so I called and he was so mean to me, he told me that he didn't feel the same and that he didn't have enough love to keep the relationship alive. My heart broke instsnly and I haven't contacted him since. He I believe is going through a lot right now, his parents are divorcing and he detests his mom because of this. Not to mention me and his mom are friends and I told her that I couldn't see her if her son and I were'nt together. She understood and sent me birthday card so the family knows and that was the only way to keep in touch as per my request. His sister and I were friends too, and she too hasn't contacted me:( We are both 25, and I am his first long relatonship. I truly don't feel that there is aother woman, there was simply no time and I am absolutely beautiful. People tell me to just wait it out and maybe he'll call, but even if regret it knowing him I don't think he would call or admit it let alone call and ask for me back. I love
Him and would do anything but as the days go by I lose more and more hope. :( Who knows how long it will take him to realize what he's done and lost? The thing is too he knew when he broke up with me (over the phone) that I didn't want that. When I told him I loved him, he said "I know". That is a hard pill to swallow!

Bural21 · Nov 6, 2008, 02:05 PM

This is a lot to read... but it helped me so much. Just take the time to read it... it'll be worth it.

Sticky: What to expect when you break up.

talaniman · Nov 6, 2008, 02:49 PM

Leave him alone, and deal with your issues. Your way to insecure, and needy. I would run too, no matter how fabulous you look!

Your choking the guy, and invading every area of his life.

Can he at least pee in peace??

Bural21 · Nov 6, 2008, 03:02 PM

I agree with Tal, if you smother someone too much... obviously they're going to run away. He his bikini posters up? Oh well, he's a guy what more do you want from him. Do you have posters of guys you like up? Or saved somewhere on your computer or something? If you do, you CANNOT judge him, AT ALL. He talked to other girls on Facebook? Oh well, a guy can have female friends too. Do you have guy friends? If yes, then you really have no room to judge him at all. A guy needs to breathe. And a good way for your relationship to survive is to spend time apart. Smothering him will only push him further and further away. Let him enjoy his life, and be glad he's yours while respecting his space.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Sherin333 · Nov 6, 2008, 03:22 PM

I appreciate your advice but saying "can he pee in peace"? A bit of a low blow. Thanks for your advicve but you don't have to be harsh like that.

talaniman · Nov 6, 2008, 09:20 PM

From the way you wrote your post, direct was what I felt you needed, or you will ignore the point, as I'm sure he has tried to tell you himself, and you have ignored what he was saying because you only focus on what you want. Way to overbearing.

Sherin333 · Nov 7, 2008, 04:16 PM

Okay fine. The truth is bitter and it is hard to take and I do see your point. So, the best thing for me to do is to leave gim alone and when he calls, if he does, do I talk to him or ignore his calls and make him run back to me. I am so confused and my heart is aching like you have no idea. I want him so bad, but I can't make him want me!

talaniman · Nov 7, 2008, 05:15 PM

So, the best thing for me to do is to leave him alone

Yes. Give yourself the time to let the emotional dust settle, for both of you.

When he calls, if he does, do I talk to him or ignore his calls and make him run back to me.

Its all up to him what he does, and ignoring him will not make him run back to you. I suggest you talk to him, if he calls, and listen to what he has to say, but don't just wait for him to take action, do things for yourself, that make you happy, and balance your life with friends, and activities that help you heal, so you can deal with reality, based on facts, and not just feelings.

I am so confused and my heart is aching like you have no idea.

Been there, done that more than a few times my dear. I know first hand what misery, pain, and confusion is all about. Most of us here do, so your not alone at all.

I want him so bad, but I can't make him want me!

Your right, you have no control over how he feels, but you must learn how to deal with the way you feel. Trust me, you will learn.

Sherin333 · Nov 7, 2008, 07:10 PM

Wow. Thank you!

But, based on facts, what are the chances of him missing me and realizing that what we had wasn't that bad, the problems were just not worked sufficiently, and definitely could have responded to them more suffit. I know I might not be the most secure person and yes that is a turn off, but I am a kind, loyal and true. And he loved me at one point. I felt it.

Sherin333 · Nov 7, 2008, 07:11 PM

Sorry about the spelling, doing three hundred things at once.

talaniman · Nov 7, 2008, 08:17 PM

Sorry, As smart as I am, I can't say what he will do. I do know what you have to do, and that's cope with your feelings, and stay positive, and give yourself a chance to think clearly.

Sherin333 · Nov 8, 2008, 02:40 PM

I find that each day that goes by I am effected less and less by this. It's like I can't cry about it any more. And when I do it is for brief moments. I'm afraid that it is over for good though and that we will never be together as a couple again. I cringe at the thought of him with any other girl. I sit here on a Saturday afernoon, doing homework, and think what he is doing. I know I should be concentrating on myself and I am doing that. I've redone my room, I'm on top of all my assignments, I've rejoined the gym and even bought myself a trip to Punta Cana for my birthday. That another thing, yestaerday I received a birthday card from his mom in the mail, so clearly the whole family knows and she knows that if she called me it would be too hard.She sent it 15 dys before my birthday. Do you think he'll call me on my birthday or should I not even expect a call at all. I just wish we could hold each other and everything would be okay. I'm hurting so bad when I come to think of it, I just keep trying to mask the pain.

Sherin333 · Nov 8, 2008, 06:01 PM

If he calls when I'm on my trip, should I call him back when I return ?

talaniman · Nov 8, 2008, 06:27 PM

Cross that bridge when you come to it, but you have done well to stay busy doing things for yourself. Keep it up!

Sherin333 · Nov 8, 2008, 08:16 PM

I am doing well I have to agree, but I can't stop thinking about him or his family his 3 sisters, 3brother a beautiful nephew and a wonderful brother in law who I got so along with. Cousins, aunts, uncles. I love them all and miss them very much. How do I know if he feels the way I do. Feel like it was my fault that this went down, he did love me at one point, I know it. Talk about where we were going to live together, kids, marriage down south. I really thought he was the one.

NItEMArE129 · Nov 8, 2008, 08:24 PM

I think you might've gotten too attached to him. Even when you've kept yourself busy, you haven't done the most important thing; you haven't stopped THINKING about him. The idea of the break-up list is to keep yourself busy, yes, but I think that being busy is supposed to take your mind off things. You said that even while you were doing homework you were thinking about him which tells me that you're still too attached to him. A lot of people have good relationships, but they're not always meant to be the one. For one reason or another, it really is impossible to predict. The only time anybody really knows for sure is when you're on either yours or your partners deathbed. THAT'S when you can know for sure. So as hard as it may sound, start hardening your heart. Train yourself NOT to think about him, and always be aware of your thoughts. If you're doing something, put your heart into it so that it can take your mind off things. Eventually, it'll get easier. But it can only come through a lot of effort.

talaniman · Nov 9, 2008, 06:10 AM

You have built your life around him, and his family, but now you must look ahead to building your own life, whether he decides to comeback, or not.

Sherin333 · Nov 9, 2008, 07:01 AM

You are absolutely right, I did build my life around him and I thought that was a good thing. He got sick in the summer for a week. Pretty sick, I stayed by his side, made hime food, rubbed his back, ran to and from the washroom to make sure the cloth was cold for his fevered head. I absolutely adored him, but when my mom had cancer and went in for her hysterectomy he left and went to his cottage not thinking twice whether I wanted him for support. Again , I am his first long relationship as a girlfriend and I don't know if he knew how important tha really was to me. I gave him everything and he threw it right back at me.

Chey1221 · Nov 9, 2008, 07:13 AM

All right I'm kind of going through something of the same nature.. My advice is, If he didn't say you might get back together than your prob not. But I think in a way you should wait.. Like I always tell my friends and myself to wait with my heart but not with my actions... So go out and have fun... You'r friends would be the best people to go to for that... Give him a month
And if he is still not calling to talk within that month then the best thing to do is move on.. If you dwell over it, than you might miss out on some really good oppertunities. Keep in touch with is sis if that's possible. Major holidays call and greet them. Who knows that one phone call my be key to a lot of information.. Just don't call his personal fone to make you look like your obsessed because that's the last thing you want him telling his friends. Just live your life around you. And don't worry so much about him. You may find that once your out having all this fun. That this is what's more important to you than boyfriends. Good luck.

Sherin333 · Nov 9, 2008, 07:54 AM

I appreciate your feedback. Tomorrow will be 3 weeks that he broke up with me me. I will always have hope because I do love and I want to be with him, but like we have already concluded I can not make him want me and that's the size of it. I still do wake in the middle of the night with so many questions. I don't want to think anymore.