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EbonieBarbie · Oct 28, 2008, 12:45 PM

My husband always told me he wants to have kids. I was the one that did not want to have kids. Well I am willing to have one child and actually want to share a child with my husband now. We have had some major issues in which we are working through and will overcome. God is helping me although he is not so big on religion he seems to be more in love with me than ever before. I want to have a baby or get pregnant next year because am still in school fulltime and currently can afford to be home with my son who is 4. I don't want the kids to have too much of an age gap either so that they can have a closer relationship and my son is ready for a sibling as am I ready to have kid. I am aftaid if it does not happen in the next year or so, I will lose my courage and desire to have another child. I think it would be best to do it now before I start my career. My husband says no because he wants to be able to afford to have me be a stay at home mom. I don't have this desire but he is european and says that I in Europe they at least take a year or more off. Ok well he is 36 and I am 24. I refuse to have any children after 30 and I dont want him to be too old to enjoy our baby to the fullest. I dont think I want a baby with a 40 year old either. So...I guess my question is, how should handle this?

sylvan_1998 · Oct 28, 2008, 02:39 PM

Not to be a downer, but you have not lived with your husband and now you are thinking of having children? (previous post) I don't think you should put the cart before the horse. Fix the marriage and become stable. Then bring a child into this home. If you were to get pregnant right now you would have a toddler with a 40 year old. Really no different than a 36 year old.

EbonieBarbie · Oct 28, 2008, 02:47 PM

Thanks for your comments. Although We have not lived together I know we are together 4ever and we already have a 4 year old. At anyrate I don't want to have an infant with a 40 year old. Will consider what you said but I know I stated that we are working our marriage out. If you don't get past stuff then life will be miserable. I love him and he loves me and God is protecting us so I think I have no fear than our marriage will be completely healed by the time I would get pregnant. Thanks again for your comments

talaniman · Oct 28, 2008, 09:24 PM

Give the marriage some time to work before you bring a child into it. Keep working at it.

EbonieBarbie · Oct 28, 2008, 09:33 PM

I understand what you are saying and we will It just seems so time sensitive with him aging and all. He seems so stressed out at work and I know he wants to be happy and wants to start a family but his life is very stressful and busy. The good thing is that he is considerate enough to want me to be a stay at home mom. I cannot dream of it as I am working too hard for this Masters degree not to use it. Living in L.A. we will need the extra income with two kids anyway. I think we will wait about another year and a half before we start trying to get pregnant. That gives us time to save and settle where the kids can be happy. Thanks for your advise.

450donn · Oct 29, 2008, 08:58 AM

Children are a really poor excuse to stay in a bad relationship. He is working so many hours? When is he going to have time for his children? After they are grown and gone and want nothing to do with him? It seems to me that you are wanting children for all the wrong reasons. Until the both of you can get your priorities in order and put family second in your lives and jobs down somewhere oh maybe number 13 or so I would advise against it.
Sorry, we do not need more single parents raising children in this country. We need more dedicated two parent families.

EbonieBarbie · Oct 30, 2008, 01:04 PM

Well we already have one so it is not like we are starting from scratch. We are going to work it out and do whats best for the family.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 30, 2008, 03:44 PM

I think you should have considered a lot before you got married to be perfecty honest,

With all of that I want, and I don't want, I would say it is best not to bring a child into this mess.

First who are you to say that a 40 year old man is too old to have a child and be a great father, you are so young you still think that 45 is over the hill I guess.

EbonieBarbie · Oct 30, 2008, 03:58 PM

First off I never said that a man 40 years of age was too old to have a child, I said it is not my preference to have a child with a man that age. You are not going to change my opinion just because you disagree. I do think that over 40 should not have kids. I am entitled to my opinion as are you. Why are you offended?

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

I think you should have considered alot before you got married to be perfecty honest,

With all of that I want, and I dont' want, I would say it is best not to bring a child into this mess.

First who are you to say that a 40 year old man is too old to have a child and be a great father, you are so young you still think that 45 is over the hill I guess.